To think she should have watched DS

[BearySilly]

On holiday with in-laws and we are all taking it in turns to cook dinner. On me and DH's night I cooked and he was watching the kids but then FIL asked him to help with something around the house that really couldn't wait. Everyone else was out or busy so I asked SIL to watch 10mo DS. She did for a while but then when I looked round he was crawling around the kitchen by himself and she was on the sofa playing video games. She totally ignored me as I cooked, laid the table and minded DS and DD.

I think she was very rude but DH thinks that she's just one of those people who thinks "your kids, your problem" and, as she and BIL had cooked a couple of nights before she felt like she'd done her bit.

I'm biased against her as she and BIL (she's his gf) stayed with us for 10 days and she was the laziest most ungrateful house guest I've ever had. My cooking was not up to scratch, she never helped clean up after dinner and she just generally made everything more difficult despite insisting she was staying with us to "help out".

She’s clearly not interested in watching your baby,hence she played video games
cant make her watch the baby so I'd put baby in cot or pram so can’t shuffle about

She totally ignored me as I cooked, laid the table and minded DS and DD In fairness it is your role as parents to watch the two kids, not hers

Bow out of cooking duty. State you are looking after your dc..

On me and DH's night I cooked and he was watching the kids but then FIL asked him to help with something around the house that really couldn't wait.

Why didn’t FIL ask her to help with this house task?

You were cooking. DH was watching the KIDS, but bailed to do something else. Your issue should be with him

He was fixing the generator so we had power, she wouldn't have known how to do it.

In all fairness they are your kids. You need to find a way to manage them and cook.

I can't imagine not being happy to watch a family members baby for a short time while they were cooking a meal I was going to be eating. Do people really apply these 'your kids your problem' "rules" when on a family holiday? In my family we all muck in and happily help each other out. I find this kind of selfishness bizarre, it's not like OP was asking the woman for indefinite free childcare, just a helping hand while she cooked dinner so they could all eat and her DH helped sort the generater so they could all have heating.

Your DH should have said to FIL, "not now, I'm watching the kids. I'll help later". SIL sounds selfish and awful, but she wasn't the one who bailed and left the kids without supervision.

DH was supposed to be looking after the kids so he should have asked FIL to wait. I'm not sure why you're blaming her when he left the kids without even trying to get someone else to supervise.

He could have done but we'd have very quickly been eating a half cooked dinner in darkness with no power left! I should have put what exactly he was doing in the OP really, I was trying to keep it vague but probably made it too vague!

Interesting most people seem to agree with DH that "your kids, your problem" is how they'd see it. I couldn't imagine treating someone like that!

Does sil have kids herself?

I can see the sil is probably irksome and complains unnecessarily, but nowt you can do, case of smile and grin I’m afraid. She’s probably trying to provoke you and/or get a reaction . Regard the childcare that’s up to you and your dp, however it’s a shame she didn’t offer to help. But she’s not compelled to. Your DH should have waited til you’d prepared meal before leaving the kids.

Surely you cook and mind your kids at home? So why do you need help on holiday?
I think probably the fact that you dont like her makes this more annoying to you than it might be to anyone else.

X posts. I see you’ve answered it was an urgent fix. Fair enough he had to assist to maintain power

I don't agree with the "your kids, your problem" attitude, personally. But that's immaterial. If that's SIL's thoughts, then you can't expect her to muck in.

I have a 2.5yo and 17mo so I’m sympathetic to the plight of trying to achieve anything with them In tow.

However, you can’t foist them onto her regardless of what DH or FIL were doing. In your situation it would have gone down like this.

FIL: DH can you come help with with this super important and urgent task.
DH: suree: HANG ON, I can’t watch both kids and cook so either someone else needs to help you FIL or we’ll be having toast/sandwiches for tea.
FIL: Only DH knows how to do this
Me: Well DS is DH’s responsibility tonight so either you take him with you or you find someone else to watch him, or we don’t get dinner…your choice

I’m sure they would then have tried to rope in SIL at which point I’d have been making very clear
Me: It’s great if you’re actually going to watch him the whole time but you generally don’t seem very keen to do that so please don’t say you will and then get bored and ignore him after 20 minutes because that’s no help, that’s worse than not helping.

Yes I do behave like this with my family/in laws I’m not popular for it but I think not being very up front and direct is to blame for most gender inequality issues

It's easier at home as I've got everything set up to be child friendly - locks on cupboards, stair gates, toys. Plus at home I only do quick meals for the 2 of us.

I don't think she HAD to watch him but if she agreed then she should have. It is not fair to agree then just decide not to without telling anyone.

What strange answers you’ve got, OP? Sometimes people on MN are very cold. I don’t know what their lives must be like with the “every man for himself” attitude. Such a selfish outlook on life.

when I’ve been on holiday in a shared house with family there hasn’t been this drama. If DH was keeping an eye on the kids while I cooked and he got called away to do something for the good of the group he would just have asked his sibling to mind them for him, and if they didn’t want to do that then I’d just sit down and stop the cooking till they came back (or ask SIL to carry on chopping veg while I minded the kids)

the silly people implying that you’re incompetent for not being able to cook as well as look after a crawling baby have clearly never been in a holiday home with their baby, looking after them on their own while everyone else did something else. Most aren’t set up like your own house would be, all baby proofed or with a playpen etc. they require the family to muck in together and look out for each other.

so the only thing I’d say you were being unreasonable about, OP, is going away with them in the first place. Your SIL doesn’t sound like a team player so I wouldn’t want her on my “holiday team” - don’t go away with her again, simple!

I think she was rude. It's a family holiday. You were making dinner for everyone including her. It's not hard to watch a 10 month old for half an hour. She could have offered to make dinner instead. To sit playing on her phone while everyone else was pitching in is just lazy and rude.

Yeah shes being a shit. If someone asks you to mind their baby for a short time while they cook your dinner because your husband is fixing an unexpected issue with the generator, surely you'd do it? I'm not a pushover by any means but I wouldn't dream of saying or even thinking 'nope, your kids, your problem' or saying yes and then not actually bothering.

I think I'd have gone and said he needs to be watched, if you cant do it, then no worries I'll just have to wait til the generator is fixed but just to warn you dinner might be a bit soggy' or something.

I found it really hard to look after young kids and cook, adult dinner time is often at the witching hour where they are really grouchy and mine used to go mental and just want to be held, but were too big really for a sling and it was awkward using knives etc.

But from your update she sounds frankly like an entitled bitch anyway

What was BIL doing? And was there anyone else there?

Why was BILs GF the one chosen to watch DS?

On me and DH's night I cooked and he was watching the kids but then FIL asked him to help with something around the house that really couldn't wait. Everyone else was out or busy so I asked SIL to watch 10mo DS.

You're blaming SiL because it;s easier than addressing the fact that DH thinks childcare is still your job even when HE is ostensibly the parent "on duty".
If he wanted to go & help FiL instead, the onus was on HIM to ask his sister to take over. Why did you have to? Because ... uterus?

The fact that she chose to slack off is a different matter, & one you can address with her if you think it's worthwhile.
You blame her for the reason above, but also 'cos you dislike her for being lazy & ungrateful. And ... it's ok to dislike your SiL! - but don't use her as a scapegoat for your DH's inability to care for his own child without dumping the task on a woman.

she should have said no -

not said fine and then not done it - its a crawling baby, they can hurt themselves easily, very off to say she will do it and then not bother.