To think she should have watched DS

[BearySilly]

On holiday with in-laws and we are all taking it in turns to cook dinner. On me and DH's night I cooked and he was watching the kids but then FIL asked him to help with something around the house that really couldn't wait. Everyone else was out or busy so I asked SIL to watch 10mo DS. She did for a while but then when I looked round he was crawling around the kitchen by himself and she was on the sofa playing video games. She totally ignored me as I cooked, laid the table and minded DS and DD.

I think she was very rude but DH thinks that she's just one of those people who thinks "your kids, your problem" and, as she and BIL had cooked a couple of nights before she felt like she'd done her bit.

I'm biased against her as she and BIL (she's his gf) stayed with us for 10 days and she was the laziest most ungrateful house guest I've ever had. My cooking was not up to scratch, she never helped clean up after dinner and she just generally made everything more difficult despite insisting she was staying with us to "help out".

There was noone else available. DH and FIL were fixing the power, BIL1 had taken DD out to entertain her, I think MIL was probably resting as she is unwell, don't know where BIL2 was (SlL's boyfriend).

Did you not get that she was cooking for the SIL as well?

Do people actually think like this? That this is an acceptable response?

Your sister in law needs to be told that it is totally out of order to accept someone's hospitality and then complain. Don't have her staying with you again.

Don't go on holiday with her again!

This 100%. I also wonder about some mumsnetters and if they have any friends or family they are close to at all? Very odd answers on here.

She should have said no, it wouldn’t have hurt her to watch the baby for a while though! It’s not like the OP was having a spa or something 😂

This I think - it sounds as though you both knew she wouldn't watch the baby properly.

The baby is your and your husband 's responsibility but you absolutely can decline to do things the way/ at the times the rest of the extended family request if it prevents you from keeping your children safe.

Nobody willing to help you with the baby is fine, nobody has to babysit for extended family, but means dinner has to wait til the generator is fixed or fixing the generator has to wait until you're available to take the baby from DH, just the way it would be if you were away without additional adults.

Very true.

Of course she should've looked after your DS under those circumstances - I would have thought any adult/teenager who was around at the time would've been happy to help.

However, she has already shown you who she is when staying at your house previously for 10 days so...it couldn't have been a surprise. I'm not sure how you can tolerate houseguest for 10 days let alone ones like that AND then chose to go on holiday with them!

But what happened to the child apart from him crawling on the floor?

Ha! I've got one 7 month old and I rarely attempt it. Your SIL sounds lazy and selfish. I like to think I'd have pulled her up on this re the baby and that you're cooking for everyone.

That's hardly the point, which is what could easily happen to a baby who is not being minded.

If I go out drinking in town for the evening, leaving my baby alone in the house, is it just fine as long as he's ok when I get back? Or is it a huge problem because you can't leave a baby unattended because anything could happen?

As a number of other posters have said if she agree to watch baby then decides to stop without telling anyone and sit playing on her phone then she's an a-hole.

I'm biased against her as she and BIL (she's his gf) stayed with us for 10 days and she was the laziest most ungrateful house guest I've ever had. My cooking was not up to scratch, she never helped clean up after dinner and she just generally made everything more difficult despite insisting she was staying with us to "help out".

Also this doesn't paint her in a good light . Don't invite her again , she goes after first night. One night sleepover only ever for her. Life is far too busy and short to have entities lazy people take advantage and use your home as a hotel

If she doesn’t have children of her own, she probably doesn’t realise what ‘watching a ten month old’ involved. If she saw her crawling around the kitchen whilst you were cooking or you juggling her on your hip, she probably thought you had it covered. She doesn’t see the baby as her niece, just her boyf’s sister baby. I wouldn’t have had a clue how to entertain a ten month old baby before I had kids, especially with the Mum in the room too.

Even my 10,12 year old DCs know you need to constantly watch and intervene / care for a 10 month old crawling baby whose until then parent comes back if you've been asked and have agreed to do it. She's an adult and a lazy one at that

You say you enjoy going on holiday with them but she sounds awful. She’s already shown herself to be rude and disrespectful in your house. I wouldn’t have agreed to go away with her. Holidays are too precious to spend a lot of time annoyed with someone.

She basically doesn’t care does she? You’ve had words. She’s ignored you. You have more patience than I do spending a holiday with her.

Yes, she’s rude, but this is now the second time she’s been a guest and behaved badly. Perhaps it’s time to stop inviting her and going on holiday with her.

Here speaks someone who's never stayed in a big holiday let with a crawling baby.

We stayed in a huge holiday house with a big group of friends when dc1 was ten months old, as the only ones with a small child. You suddenly notice that there are completely open stone ataircases and drops in big open plan kitchen diners, glass doors on rooms and cabinets, furniture that can easily be pulled over by babies who pull themselves to standing, sharp edges, glasses and china stored at floor and baby cruising hight, sharp cooking knives in draws babies can reach, endless dangers you've naturally removed from your own home.

I think YABU given you know her personality and already think she’s lazy and unhelpful

however I do think majority of people (myself included) would happily watch family or friends kids for a short amount of time if parents were doing something urgent, or have offered to takeover task so you could attend to your child

She's a lazy bugger. If I could see my sil was struggling with her kid and cooking I'd either keep an eye on the kid or pass the kid to her and set the table. She is on a family holiday after all, that means interacting with the family and not being antisocial playing video games. Who actually does that?

I think I'm a pretty nice person and if someone said this to me, I would tell them to crack on with finding someone else.

This is a situation where your DH, not you, should have asked the SIL to be fully responsible for the child until his return. He was handing off child duties and should have made sure they were handed off properly.

Ugh, YABsoU.

I agree with your husband, your kid - your problem. If only all parents were this sensible.

I think it’s unfair to SIL lazy or whatever, you brought your kids, it’s not right to call her selfish for not wanting to deal with them.
It’s like if someone would bring their pet on a family holiday - and the call ither people lazy and be upset no one else is taking it for a walk, picking up poop or have to make arrangement around the pet.

I think it’s selfish of you to assume your kids should be other people’s problem.

You said your keeping score and think that you will help the other SIL since they been usefull to you, but that’s always easy to say, since you don’t have to stand behind your words.
And honestly, the way ypu talk about people, really doesn’t put you in a good light.

I'd have looked after the kids until husband was back & then carried on cooking.

Your example is irrelevant and incomparable . Obviously.

Does BIL help with anything?