Assault at school - need objective opinions

[BecauseICan22]

My DC is in Yr10 at school. There was an incident in the school lunch hall where my DC and her best friend were assaulted. This began with the throwing of food and then escalated to them both having empty water and fizzy drink bottles thrown at them, one of which caught my DC in the face and also her friend who ended up injured and had to go to the hospital. My DC was sore but nothing serious. The lunch hall was absolutely full and not one person spoke up and some people were even handing bottles back to the boys in question so they could keep throwing them.

It has also transpired that the boys in question have been targeting my DC in her classes (she shares quite a few with them) and saying things to her about 'sucking dick', 'grabbing tits' etc - all being said to her and about her. She said this has made her feel dirty.

The school have sanctioned some of the boys and the othes have been allowed back into lessons, 1 of which is with my DC where she sits next to him and she had to be in that lesson with him today. The schools response is he didn't actually do anything and he was merely a witness.

My heart is breaking for my DC but also for her lovely friend and all the other children that have to go through this shit at school.

I am going to make a police report and I'll be talking with her head of year on Monday. I have no issue with her teachers, they work hard and try their best - it's certain disgusting students that are at fault. This all happened yesterday and so I'm not really sure what to do next.
Can anyone advise?
Offer insight?
I want to do more than talk to the school and go to the police. I want to empower the quiet kids to speak up, to understand they don't have to put up with this and to make it so that the voices of the victims are louder than the voices of the perpetrators. But how?

My DC said to me tonight that she's become numb to the sexualised commentary and behaviours - it's just how it is. This kills me.

You show a maturity well beyond your years

I do hope the school sorts this properly, and makes it clear that this ind of behaviour can never be acceptable.

@BecauseICan22 & DD, I apologise for not RTFT, just wanted to comment that my DD was assaulted on the school bus (thumped in her face, loose tooth) My first call was to our dentist, luckily her tooth settled. My second was to the police. Other kids had been bullied but their parents didn't want to act because they 'might make things worse.' Sod THAT.
The police were awesome & discussed with DD & I what we wanted. We agreed we didn't want the girl involved to have a criminal record, so they went to her home & gave her a caution.
The girl eventually turned her life around & DD ended up fairly friendly with her. Bonus!

I work in a school and previously I worked with sex offenders.
Not only has she been assaulted, she is being bullied and sexually abused, just because it's verbal don't mean it's not abuse.
The school need to take this very seriously. Your daughter should not have to sit anywhere near any of the boys and there needs to be a plan in place to protect her.
If you feel they are not doing enough, keeping taking it higher, up to the governors, if you need to, until you feel your daughter is safe.
Please go to the police too. Even if they are not charged, it might be enough to scare them.
The way the school and the police react to this sets the tone to these boys of what is acceptable and what isn't. If they get away with it, who knows what there futures will hold, with regards to how the treat women.
I hope your daughter is okay.

Yes she does.
She absolutely does want their record tarnished.
Which it won't be as they are minors, juvenile records I believe are sealed for minor misdemeanours.

I'd put in writing my complaint and request that they respond in writing, clarifying why they are allowing sexual harassment and physical assault of a minor to go unchallenged.

Report to the police and if schools response isn't adequate, show it to them.

Be clear that your daughter is being sexually harrassed and assaulted on a daily basis and you will be holding the school financially responsible for any injury or mental health condition that arises as a result of the bullying.

I've had this happen to me at her age, was only resolved by my dad and older cousin waiting for them after school, grabbing them and threatening to kill them if it continues. One boy was a bit tougher than the others, my cousin gave him a good kicking though and he stopped too.

Police will help but you have to bug them on a daily basis, report literally every incident.

Thank you for writing this out. I wish I'd had someone who told me this when I was a young teen - my life may have turned out very differently.
I'm now a mum to 2 teenagers, a boy and a girl, and I'm going to use this message to help them navigate their way through to adulthood.

OP's DD, you sound bloody awesome.

Have a look round this site OP - there's a Who We Are page & even a template letter to schools. I dare say you would be given signposting to supportive organisations if you made contacts here.

www.everyonesinvited.uk/community

www.everyonesinvited.uk/read

Oh your poor DD, definitely not over reacting.

My highly vulnerable 8 year old was assaulted at school last week, another 8 year old walked up to her and smacked her on the bum with intent. It was the 4th incident. I don't think initially it quite sunk in with the staff the significance of what had actually happened but I wrote an email entirely focused on exactly how they will keep my DD safe as due to her SEND, she cannot keep herself safe. I think approaching from that angle helped rather than consequences to the boy?

Well they're 7 so it's not a police matter. But I feel that this early behaviour shouldn't be excused or minimised. By doing so, they learn that it's somehow acceptable.

Sorry but find the concern for these scotes utterly misplaced. And it’s not reciprocated is it? They don’t give a stuff about the girl. Far from it.

Actually taking action is doing them a favour - if this isn’t nipped in the bud as utterly unacceptable when young they potentially face far harsher consequences for their violent misogyny if they carry that into the outside world.

Lots of useful comments here. But also check the school's head injury policy. Do they have one? Your child was hit on head. Was the other child also hit on head which necessitated the visit to hospital?

Has A&E reported that to the school which may instigate action?

Can a school injury investigation take place for the head injuries, which may help lead to action?

I would be insisting the culprits are moved apart from your DC in lessons, so that they can all concentrate in lessons. That's a no-brainer for the school.

Actions have consequences.
If they don't want the consequences of their actions they shouldn't be abusive. Where do you think they will stop?
If they think so little of women where do they draw the line?

We are so very grateful for the advice, kindness and information we have been given. Thank you so very much.

DD's best friend has decided not to go to the police as he feels he doesn't want to harm any future prospects these boys may have. That is his choice.

DD has said she most definitely doesn't want to share lessons with these boys, they sit in very close proximity, she's asked if I will help her to talk to the school about getting them moved to a different class. She also wants to go to the police but then she has a little wobble. I'm listening to her and supporting her.

Tomorrow DD and I shall email the school. DD has sat and read the KCSIE statutory guidance. We printed it off and went through it. She's then taken it to her room and highlighted key parts. We won't stop.

I feel so very strongly that I want to do more, my mind is full. I want to have open dialogues, workshops, initiatives - anything but sit here and do nothing. I know there are some truly wonderful organisations out there but nothing that I could find in our area.

So sorry to read about the assault against you and your friend DD of @BecauseICan22. I have a DD who is a similar age who was physically assaulted at school recently. My DD was the only student on the receiving end of the assault and one of the hardest things to comprehend has been why so many others stood there watching or filming instead of fetching an adult. There's a lot more detail that I won't go into but having the perpetrators moved from DD's classes was something the school did very quickly and without having to be asked.

Involving the police wasn't something that was left up to us; schools round here have police officers attached to them and because the assault would be a crime were it to have taken place in a public location, the school's officers were involved almost immediately. Their role is primarily to nip things in the bud, have stern words with students who need them, help educate those who are at risk of breaking the law etc. In my DD's case, their involvement has also been to deliver workshops to tutor groups about the role of bystanders, the importance of understanding that filming assaults may be enough to identify them as an accessory and other similar themes.

Involving the police is not what will limit the future opportunities of teenagers who choose to assault people. A common assault charge will disappear with a juvenile record anyway but actually, early intervention is what makes the difference and if the assaulters are spoken to aged 15 and whilst still in school, they have every opportunity to make the most of their education and to make different choices going forward. If they miss out on the opportunity for early intervention but continue to choose to assault others, their lifelong opportunities may well look quite different. I wonder if there are police officers (they're called Safer Schools Officers here) at your school DD of @BecauseICan22? Perhaps that might be something to ask about - it might be a way of the police being involved but with fewer of the repercussions you and your friend are worried about.

At the moment @BecauseICan22 I can well imagine your head is spinning. The fall-out from this is likely to take time to fully rear its head so my advice would be to record your ideas about workshops and the like but to hold fire for the time being. Asking questions about the school's systems for lunchtime supervision and considering other system breakdowns that may have contributed to your DD being assaulted may be a useful starting point and something that should be able to be addressed quite quickly. I would recommend asking those questions in writing i.e. email so there's a clear paper trail.

@AutumnIsHere21

Why is it difficult with options?

If your behaviour is so bad then surely you loose that particular option and have to take a different subject and play catch up.

I realise that it is difficult to being this in now but it could be written into the behaviour policy.

That works if it's one child, I think, but I'm not sure how it works logistically when you are talking about a larger group of students. I don't know how many boys are involved, but say there's 4 who need moving out of this class. There may only be 4 subjects in the option block. One may be a coursework subject where it's not possible to catch up. Another may have a cap on class size due to practical work. You're then looking at putting these 4 boys into what may already be a class of 32.

I think, given how the school are treating this, they aren't going to want to do something as logistically difficult as giving these boys potentially brand new timetables.

I'm not saying it's right or wrong, I just think the school may come back and say it's not possible.

In any subjects where they can be moved, they should, I agree. And ideally split up from each other too.

No child should have to sit with or next to a child(ren) that has repeatedly sexually harassed them, then assaulted them during a sustained 25 minute period by throwing things at them where a bottle has made contact with their face. What message does that send? Would this be accepted in a work environment?

Timetabling is not my issue although I appreciate this may cause issues for the school. I also don't care where or how these boys are taught.

They've been telling me daughter every single lesson that her and her best friend should go to bed together so he can touch her up, that her best friend wants to finger her and they know that's what both of them do together, that her best friend wants to suck her 'small ass tits', that she wants to suck her best friends dick - No! Sue will not be subjected to this any further and most definitely not during her lessons.

Typo, **She not Sue, my daughter is not called Sue.

I totally agree with you op. No one should. Make sure when you email the school that you include a title to grab the attention of the HOY and hopefully elicit a prompt reply. Eg Violence and sexualised abuse against my daughter.

If your dd doesn’t feel safe, she should refuse to attend school full stop tomorrow until this is addressed. By the way she writes, a day or so will not impact her education dramatically and she sounds very capable of catching up. If she is not in school it also shows how serious you are about insisting something is done and hopefully force their hand to address this very quickly.

I meant to add, I agree with a pp, your dd sounds awesome, very eloquent and capable.

Ask the school if they have reported the peer on peer abuse and the boys to the police - if not then you do

engage a solicitor

write to ofsted

@BecauseICan22 good luck to you and DD tomorrow.

when you say:
I feel so very strongly that I want to do more, my mind is full. I want to have open dialogues, workshops, initiatives - anything but sit here and do nothing. I know there are some truly wonderful organisations out there but nothing that I could find in our area.

which organisations have you looked at? Only as Beyond Equality and others are nationwide, as far as I know? Not sure where you are but assuming you’re in England as KCSIE is from DfE for English schools as education devolved in the other nations.

Intrigued as to how the parents of the boys concerned react to hearing that their son has spoken to innocent studious young girls like that. I would die inside if it were me.

Parents never accept their. child is a bully

Then they should lose that option. Let them study in the library, or complete homework in another classroom, with a different year group or put them in isolation.