Dh being an arse about his operation tomorrow

[Unicornenthusiast]

Dh is having an elective minor operation in a private hospital tomorrow. He was meant to be admitted in the morning but they have moved his surgery to the afternoon, meaning that his discharge time will be the same time as our dc's bedtime.

Dc are 8 months and 3, very good bedtime routines and good sleepers in general. My issue is that DH is extremely blasé about the fact that I need to bath and get both dc ready for bed and then drive 30 min to pick him up, whilst having the kiddos in the back of the car in their pyjamas (hopefully sleeping). He doesn't understand why I need to know exactly what time he'll be discharged and that we need a plan if his surgery is delayed.

He seems to think it's completely fine and easy if he's discharged a few hours later than planned, so I'd have to put the kids to bed and put them in the car a few hours later, or potentially sit in the hospital car park on a cold November night with a baby and a 3 year old.

I have to pick him up, there isn't anyone else who can do it and there's no one who could stay at home with the dc whilst I get him. Baby DS is fully breastfed so I couldn't leave him with anyone else anyway in case he woke up.

Now he's very upset with me and thinks I don't care about him...

Don't understand why your so worked up there are two solutions

1. you tell him he has to stay overnight

2. bathe the kids earlier or the next day why must they have a bath that night. They are not going to smell if its done earlier in the day or the next day. Christ.

3. if the kids for some reason aren't in their pj's in time so what if they had to fall asleep as a one off in whatever they are wearing. Or just dress them in something comfy incase this happens.

Its a one off! Your kids won't remember you didn't bathe them or they had to sleep in clothes and not pj's or whatever happens.

Christ your worked up for no reason

I would feel pretty put out if I was due to have an op under GA and the only thing my partner cared about was what time I would be discharged so the children don’t miss their routine one night. I would be arsey too!

You don’t need to bath your children at night. Mine don’t have a daily wash, and 9/10 it will be a shower in the morning with me instead of a separate bath at night. Bundle them up in the car, they’ll be fine - and if they’re not, a few tears won’t kill them. How you expect your husband to give you an accurate discharge time is beyond me. If you can afford a private hospital stay, I’m sure you can afford a taxi fare (ask a friend/neighbour to sit in it with him if he’s not allowed solo).

Post GA getting in a cab isn't the best of ideas, and some taxi firms/ ubers etc won't pick up lone patients from hospitals as they don't want the responsibility of getting someone home who might need to get back to hospital in a hurry.

If the guy has the option of staying in surely that is the best answer here? Get a decent night sleep and a private hospital breakfast and home in the morning. Everyone's a winner.

He should stay in overnight, because if he has to go ack after the op with an issue you’ll be in the same position. In the am you can pick him with you and children in a better mood. That would be the simple solution to the change of time.

in this instance he should stay in. His afternoon surgery might be fine but things happen.

they wouldn’t let me leave hospital after abdo surgery until I had something to eat and drink and having vomited repeatedly from the anaesthetic it took a while! I didn’t leave until 6pm. My surgery was at 8am and took longer than it should.

He is having a GA so you know you will have to collect him.
That isn't his fault and he won't have much control over exactly what time the operation takes place or how long he takes in recovery.
He isn't being unreasonable, you are!

Not fair on children? To be lifted out their beds, sleep in the car, lifted back in their beds. Worst case they wake up for a bit… then fall back asleep.

Is there something I’m missing here that would cause great trauma somehow?

What if it is? Why is it an issue for you to pick up your own husband after a GA? He can't tell you what he doesn't know. The drama over having to bath children and take them out in pyjamas is ridiculous.

You're being ridiculous OP.

Do you never go away anywhere? Travel anywhere? How on earth do you manage without being able to adhere to such strict routines?

The kids will survive if you don't bath them for one night. They'll also survive if you have to get them into the car in the middle of the night to pick him up. Stop being a drama queen and start supporting your husband. Poor bloke.

ah fair enough I def missed the GA bit-of course he should stay the night!!!

I had minor surgery under GA a few weeks ago. I think I went down about 4pm and back to the ward about 5pm. I was picked up from hospital by DH at about 7.40pm. We knew I would be going home from about 6pm, and the ward staff were happy to work around the family chaos (the issue was collection from Beavers). We just agreed that he would be coming about 7.308ish. Kids were in the car so one of the ward staff walked me out (more than happy to, their idea, and this was NHS).

Sorry I think yabu. And a bit precious and uncaring.
If the tables were turned would you want to be picked up?
Inconvenient and maybe not ideal for the kids routine, but no comparison to needing some support after an op with general anaesthetic.

There is no telling what time he will be ready to come home.
I think it is sensible if it is after 9 he stays the night. And it seems unlikely they would discharge him in the night anyway.

The latest I have been discharged after GA for day surgery was abt 7pm.

I understand that you dont want to break your routine for your dc, but sometimes life is unpredictable and you have no other choice. One night will not hurt.

I've had a GA and gone home by myself
I don't see what the difference is between you picking him up and a cab picking him up - surely the only issue is with him driving?

No, you don’t. It’s one night, they don’t need a bath or even to sleep in their pyjamas. (which are just clothes!) Just do your evening till he rings (minus the bath) then pop them in the car in whatever they happen to be wearing. If that’s not PJs and they fall asleep in the car, so what? Just let them sleep in their clothes as a one off.
Are you normally this rigid?

I would explain that you will have to come in and collect him and will have the children with you as you obviously can’t leave them in the car. Hospital can’t say when he will be ready as delays can happen for all sorts of reasons - emergencies requiring particular surgical skills, ops preceding him taking longer etc. perhaps try and explain the uncertainty - if he’s ready say by 7 p.m. you’ll go and if later he has to stay in. DH’s elective procedure was so quick hospital had to leave a message on the answerphone - another time complications and a 3 day stay.

Well unless he stays the night your dh has no control whatsoever over his discharge time.
However im pretty sure that if you email the hospital with your dc’s bedtime routine they’ll factor it into they’re schedule!
Ffs op, get a grip!
It’s the NHS doing elective surgery, not some event with a finish time.

He’s being blasé because it’s really not a big deal.

Honestly, you are massively over thinking it.

If he’s delayed then he’s delayed. One night out of kilter for the children won’t harm them.

So what would someone do if they had a GA and didn't have anyone who could collect them? I suppose if they weren't allowed to get a taxi, they'd have to stay in overnight. Could your husband simply say that there is nobody who could collect him?

I do get it op. I hate it when my 6 month olds bedtime routine is disrupted as it inevitably means a shit nights sleep for us all, loads of stress and potential disruption for the next day too. People who don't have a strict routine won't understand but for us routine has always been really important and beneficial.

However it can't really be helped on this occasion. It's annoying that he doesn't see it as an issue though.

If you know it’s going to be lateish, just bath them after dinner and put them in their PJ’s/onesie. If it starts looking like you will need to pick up after about 8pm, baby can go to bed for a bit. 3yr old can lie on the sofa, watch a film or something. Then just bundle them in the car, collect DH, and then get them to bed. 3yr old will find it very exciting going to collect daddy in the middle of the night!

They might sleep in a bit late the next morning, but it won’t break them!

It's a one off. Wing it FGS. Bedtime is a routine not a rule- what's the worst that could happen?

Yeah, block a bed bc his wife cba taking the kids out in the evening

YABVVVVU

I know it's a cliche now, but if the genders were reversed you'd be encouraged to divorce him by most posters

That's hard to believe. You don't have one friend or family member who could help?