Dh being an arse about his operation tomorrow

[Unicornenthusiast]

Dh is having an elective minor operation in a private hospital tomorrow. He was meant to be admitted in the morning but they have moved his surgery to the afternoon, meaning that his discharge time will be the same time as our dc's bedtime.

Dc are 8 months and 3, very good bedtime routines and good sleepers in general. My issue is that DH is extremely blasé about the fact that I need to bath and get both dc ready for bed and then drive 30 min to pick him up, whilst having the kiddos in the back of the car in their pyjamas (hopefully sleeping). He doesn't understand why I need to know exactly what time he'll be discharged and that we need a plan if his surgery is delayed.

He seems to think it's completely fine and easy if he's discharged a few hours later than planned, so I'd have to put the kids to bed and put them in the car a few hours later, or potentially sit in the hospital car park on a cold November night with a baby and a 3 year old.

I have to pick him up, there isn't anyone else who can do it and there's no one who could stay at home with the dc whilst I get him. Baby DS is fully breastfed so I couldn't leave him with anyone else anyway in case he woke up.

Now he's very upset with me and thinks I don't care about him...

Completely understand your pov, mine are 4 and 2 and it's only recently that I've started to feel there's any real flexibility as otherwise we pay for it with a disrupted night or they wake at the same time in the morning and are cranky all day. Completely completely get it.

As does DH, because he does half so he suffers half the pain.

I don't think there's anything you can do about it this time, you're just going to have to get them ready early and then wait for the call. Put them to bed as normal and hope that they go back over in the car.

However, your DH needs to step the fuck up day to day. Double bedtime when you have a partner should be a rare thing, or a shared thing to give you both some time off.

Its one night - he won’t know what time he will be discharged until after his procedure. This would be a non issue for me.

Sorry NRTFT but you’re making a mountain out of a molehill here.

Don’t bath the DCs that night and put them in their PJs ready.
They should fall asleep in the car and then you can just carry them to bed when you get home.

Even if you don’t have time to change into PJs just have them in comfy clothes that day so they can sleep in their clothes if needs be.

Its only one night and your DH needs your support rather than you focusing on your strict bedtime routine.

You'll be glad to know (I'm being sarcastic) that I haven't heard a single thing from DH since he left home in a taxi. He said he would let me know before he was being taken into surgery. The main hospital switchboard says the hospital is closed and I don't have a direct number to the ward. We had a normal morning and said bye in good terms so I sincerely hope he's not being quiet to make me feel bad.

To be fair if he's gone private they're normally pretty efficient so he probably hasn't had much time to text

You’re coming across as quite angry at him.

There’s many reasons why he didn’t contact you - he may not have had signal or the nurse may have told him they’d contact you on his behalf.

I don’t think it matters what time he has the surgery as that’s not a guarantee of what time he’ll be finished.

Cut him some slack. He’s having surgery.

I think the issue here is how little he does with his own children.

I don't see how the hospital can specify that you gave to pick him up. What if you didn't drive? There's nothing wrong with calling a taxi.

@Pumperthepumper I think the issue is that because he does so little childcare due to his work he doesn't really have any idea how I might manage tonight's situation. He doesn't think it might be a bit challenging to drag two young children out late in the evening. Of course it's not impossible but it's definitely challenging. Baby DS already looks like he might need to go to bed soon.

It's more likely that they say someone should be with him, usually for 24 hours, after his anaesthetic. They don't tend to specify 'wife must drive home'

He is a grown up. Let him figure it out. Nose surgery and he is making a big drama. ... Ffs leave him there the big man child.

This. If nobody picks him up they’ll keep him overnight.

So much drip feeding on this thread - makes it pointless!

It's really not that challenging.
It's just one night

It's not a huge amount of fun, but I don't think it's worth the level of angst and grumpyness you are feeling about it.

Do you know which ward he is going to be on post-operatively? I'd phone the hospital again, speak with whoever is on the switchboard and explain your situation.
Say that your DH hasn't been in touch and you need to make the decision to either put the children to bed and collect him in the morning, or put the children in the back of the car and collect him tonight and you need to speak with a nurse or someone involved in his actual care who will be able to help you make that decision.

One other thing, I'd start getting him very involved in the children's bedtime routines and everything else around the house, if he's unable to help with that. You shouldn't be shouldering all of the housework and childcare and anything else that might get thrown in your general direction. He's part of the family so he doesn't get to absent himself from it for whatever reason.

Why are you trying to make a drama out of this?

It’s not hard putting 2 kids in the car.
If they fall asleep, they fall asleep.

I think your being ott. You don't need to bath the kids. Put them in pj and pop them into bed. When dh rings, get them and put them in the car.

Hun, he is being quiet because he couldn't care less about inconveniencing you. I'm sure you'll bend over backwards to sort things for him though and fuck your own stress levels eh :)

He’s probably quiet because he’s anaesthetised, ffs.

I’m surprised he opted for the anaesthetic and didn’t have the operation without it so he could keep you updated on when he will be ready.
Selfish sod!

They used to lock my phone away for me before surgery so he might not have had chance. If he’s in recovery he won’t have a phone either. Plus then need a member of staff to retrieve phone which understandably isn’t a priority. I was once hours no phone and dh was very worried about me. I’m sure he’s ok. If you are worried I’d try calling hospital.

You missed out an s in your username. Thanks

That was directed to natty33.

It's not really that challenging! It's one evening! Your children won't melt from being out if routine ONE evening.