Dh being an arse about his operation tomorrow

[Unicornenthusiast]

Dh is having an elective minor operation in a private hospital tomorrow. He was meant to be admitted in the morning but they have moved his surgery to the afternoon, meaning that his discharge time will be the same time as our dc's bedtime.

Dc are 8 months and 3, very good bedtime routines and good sleepers in general. My issue is that DH is extremely blasé about the fact that I need to bath and get both dc ready for bed and then drive 30 min to pick him up, whilst having the kiddos in the back of the car in their pyjamas (hopefully sleeping). He doesn't understand why I need to know exactly what time he'll be discharged and that we need a plan if his surgery is delayed.

He seems to think it's completely fine and easy if he's discharged a few hours later than planned, so I'd have to put the kids to bed and put them in the car a few hours later, or potentially sit in the hospital car park on a cold November night with a baby and a 3 year old.

I have to pick him up, there isn't anyone else who can do it and there's no one who could stay at home with the dc whilst I get him. Baby DS is fully breastfed so I couldn't leave him with anyone else anyway in case he woke up.

Now he's very upset with me and thinks I don't care about him...

Why can’t he text her? Why does OP need to ring the ward?

@maryberryslayers what exactly will happen to the children after one late night? Spontaneous combustion? Destroyed childhood? Resentment of their father? Bet you are the type to keep a tally on the fridge of every little thing you do for your poor other half and hold it over them as long as possible.

"..should add that he has never looked after both dc on his own, "

This is your problem. You need tome off from the kids. He needs to parent more and know what itfeels like to feed, change, bathe, load into car and be solely responsible for them for at least 72 hours.

He will be broken.

Um no the hospital is just giving stupid policys because they have to
You cant take public transport but you can absolutely take a taxi
Some hospitals and clinics have a taxi service for this purpose
Not everyone has someone who can pick them up in a car

And what is the difference between a partner picking you up and a taxi driver picking you up ?

Ignore the hospitals advice and get him a taxi , they cant stop him from leaving and theyre not going to follow him out the hospital to check if its you picking him up anyway

How do you work that one out? Hospitals are too busy to actually give a feck
Theyll give OPs husband his discharge papers and say bye to him,
they arent going to demand to speak to his wife and escort him to the carpark..
If they do ask him if he has a ride home(unlikely), he just needs to say yh the cars outside bye

This isn't the NHS. It is a private hospital. They will have time to check he is leaving safely. You get much better care in private healthcare, they might even wheel him down to the front door depending on what he was in for.

I have health insurance through work and have had procedures in private hospitals that required me to be driven home.

The hospitals never checked who took me home.

He would be leaving safely, in a taxi. That's what I've always done and never had a problem. GA for a minor surgery isn't a big deal.

I honestly don't get the responses on here. I would never expect my partner to wake up the sleeping children, get them into the car, wait around, get them out again the other end and take me home. I would rule it out as an option. Surely having screaming unsettled kids in the car and needing to settle them again back at home is less relaxing than a taxi or waiting until morning.

And the fact he's insisting on this and saying 'it won't be a problem' despite never having looked after the kids himself is really selfish.

Not everybody has someone no, but he has a wife. A wife that appears to not care about him, but a wife nevertheless. I cannot believe the number of people that would apparently not pick their spouse up from hospital after an operation and would have them get the bus lest their schedule be disrupted. I wonder why marry at all when you care so little. I also think a man announcing he can’t pick his wife up because he had plans would have his arse handed to him. OP is getting way too much sympathy on this thread.

They won't stop him leaving in a taxi. They don't have the authority to do that. But the OP is treating this like she's being asked to pick him up drunk from the pub in the middle of the night. Minor surgery or not, he is getting a GA and being operated on. That comes with risks. Yet she is showing zero concern for him. She's only worried about disrupting the children's routine for one night. It's bizarre. I really hope everything goes well for him because it's quite awful to go under knowing your wife doesn't give a fuck.

It was explained to me years ago why there is a requirement for a friend / relative to collect someone who has a GA.

It was because numerous patients had used taxis and subsequently accused taxi drivers of all types of crimes from overcharging, theft to sexual assault.

I'm pretty confident that will not be unique to my area.

Nobodys suggesting that he get the bus 🙄he has other options that dont involve inconveniencing his kids and his wife
.phone a friend
.phone a family
.get a taxi

I bet you he wouldnt be pleased about doing this if the shoe was on the other foot
And i bet you OP wouldnt want to wake up her kids and make him go through all of this
She would have planned to get home another way

Its not a major surgery he will be fine and he needs to stop being dramatic..

And he is a husband and father who wants his wife and children to wait potentially hours in the car in a cold night instead of just texting his wife when he has been discharged.

What a prize.

Its not a major surgery he will be fine and he needs to stop being dramatic..

And it's one disrupted night for the kids, she needs to stop being dramatic..

And he is a husband and father who wants his wife and children to wait potentially hours in the car in a cold night instead of just texting his wife when he has been discharged.

I think you've made that bit up.

I can imagine he is feeling quite upset by this.
What else is he supposed to do?
It seems to me that you are making this all about you.
Sorry, you are being unfair.

I can't believe what I've just read! FFS - try being a grown up and collect your DH from the hospital, with the kids in the car, for one evening only.

How on earth would you cope if you had a serious problem in your life when you're that inflexible?

I was expecting something very different when I opened this thread.

Your DH is not being an arse - but I can see someone else who is.

Op hasn’t been back but in her situation, as he is able to stay overnight, she is not being unreasonable. I don’t understand why the comments are still saying sibu.

Having had a child myself and lots of surgeries, op shouldn’t be expected to collect at his convenience overnight. Tomorrow would be fine, especially for a man, who’s never looked after the dc’s on his own.

Why on earth he thinks his not wanting to stay in a comfy bed in a private room is more important than op stressing, dragging tiny children out of bed, potentially screaming and crying is beyond me!

Hahahahaha

There's no way he will be able to give you a time he will be discharged. I had surgery last year and told dh when I was in the discharge lounge so he came to pick me up (half hour drive). The reality was that when he got to the hospital he had to wait another hour in the car park because they forgot my meds.
It's not something you can plan to a t unfortunately.

If it were me I'd skip bath for one day (they won't die) and go with the flow. Don't set off until he is discharged from the discharge lounge then HE will have to wait for you to get there rather then you hanging about.

Whilst this is a farce, if he can't get a taxi and there's really no one else I would:

• pack a bag for the kids with drinks/milk for baby or the stuff to make it up/snacks/nappies wipes spare clothes blankets etc just in case you're stuck waiting) I always overpack in case of delays/traffic etc

• not bother to bath them that evening. Wipe of the face and bottom will do for one day

• have a flask of tea and snacks for you if you have to wait

• make sure their beds/bedrooms are ready for return so you can literally dump them in bed and go to sleep

I’ve taken taxis home from hospital after procedures under GA. Your husband should be perfectly able to do this.

Blimey OP, don't make a mountain out of a molehill, none of what you have said is an issue is actually an issue.

We had a similar situation: husbands op was meant to be midday, ended up being 6pm. Took the option to stay in and he said he was glad for it in the end despite being reluctant. If your husband can’t get a time to be picked up that works then he needs to stay in overnight as you say he has this option to a) recover! And b) allow you to look after the babies.