16 year old in hospital, adult mixed ward.

[Teenangels]

My daughter and I are currently sitting on a chair in the waiting area, to be taken up to a ward, she is 16 only just and been diagnosed with an appendicitis, she has been given morphine, so is sleepy and

I have been told that she will be going up to an adult mixed ward to wait for surgery and that I am not allowed to go up with her.

I am actually furious that my 16 year old will be surrounded by adult men, she is a child how is this allowed to happen.

In my eyes she is still a child, she can't get married (without my permission) but can be treated as a child.

AIBU and over reacting or AINBU to feel she is being totally let down.

We arrived and there were 2 men both in the 70's arse hanging out walking around.

OP is in the first world, dealing with a situation in a western hospital 🙄

There are a lot more nuances to worry about with a young girl on an adult mixed ward.

@Mamarsupial there won't be staff around 24/7. I'm in hospital a LOT due to a DS with a disability and a father who is (slowly) dying. We can go hours on the ward without seeing a single member of staff, especially at weekends, even when we're supposed to have regular checks. Heck, quite often a request for a glass of water can take hours to materialise.

If a child is on her own in that situation, is unwell and/or "drugged up" as one poster put it, then that child is extremely vulnerable.

The OP is not being unreasonable in asking whether she can stay with her child. At. All.

Poor thing, be firm.
You are not leaving
She's a child

Don't confuse your personal experience in one hospital with a proper risk assessment in this situation.

For your information, as you don't seem to know, women have been raped by men in mixed sex NHS wards.

Yes, that's right, by ill men occupying a hospital bed. Not quite so ill, it turns out, that they couldn't take advantage when an opportunity presented itself.

The OP's daughter will be ill, in pain and sedated and is very young. She needs her mum with her.

What exactly do you think is going to happen ?
Aged 19 and in hospital immobilised and heavily sedated from breaking my pelvis an male patient groped and got into bed with me, TWICE.
I would 100% not leave a 16 yr old in a mixed ward

Is she on the admissions unit, it sounds as if she is in a female bay, few wards are single sex now. The ward sister cannot stop you staying for a while ask to speak to the surgical matron, when the surgeon comes round ask them if you can accompany her to theatres, they used to let relatives go as far as the door to anaesetics. At some point you will need to leave the ward to get food and sleep anyway.

Ask to speak to the matron covering the ward. I would also say you have safeguarding concerns and ask to speak to the safeguarding team. That will usually rattle a few feathers. As she is 16 I am pretty sure it’s the child safeguarding service!

I'd be kicking up a stink. I'd actually refuse to leave her, unless they move her to a female only ward if it was my DD.

My aunt was sexually assaulted while on a mixed ward…the guy went to prison for it so no I would not be happy at all.

@Teenangels

I wrote that other posters were advising you to 'kick up a fuss'. I wasn't saying that you were actually doing that, I was advising strongly against it. Apologies if that wasn't clear.

I have been in your position more than once, and I can empathize. One of my kids has a severe, lifelong condition which has hospitalised them on multiple occasions.

It's not easy, but the move from childrens ward to adult ward (and the associated lack of control/supervision/access etc) is something many parents encounter.

Having also worked professionally within the NHS for decades, and being fully aware of the current state of affairs within hospitals, and the lack of beds/staff etc, I wanted you to be aware of the limitations staff will be under, and exactly how little 'options' they actually have in where to place your DD/ visiting etc. (Remember, if you got to stay, why wouldn't everyone's H's P's etc demand to do the same ? Whatever they do for you, they'd be asked to do for every patient...)

But the staff are human, and will do what they can for your DD, if they are approached with tact and understanding. However demanding/refusing will not get you the staff's co-operation. It will just ensure they avoid you instead.

@oobeedoobee

it sounds like you work in this area. If so….

in think you need to have a quick re read of the guidelines about 16-17 year olds and consent if you are in England . I’ve linked below. Parents can consent for their child under the age of 18. What happens if the child and parents disagree is complex and not really relevant her.

www.gmc-uk.org/ethical-guidance/ethical-guidance-for-doctors/0-18-years

You also need to have a quick look at your safeguarding children training and the children’s act which hopefully will refresh your memory that the age of majority in the uk is 18 and so children 16- 18 need to be correctly safeguarded and are subject to its provisions. If your nhs trust has policy’s that do not respect the unique vulnerability and complex legal situation of 16-18 year olds then they are not correctly following the law and are leaving themselves open to a big safeguarding scandal

I think you need to concentrate on your dd and her needing surgery, she’s in the best place and the NHS is stretched right now, she’s lucky to be given a bed.

I had my appendix out 2 years ago, I was left in a waiting room for 5 hours on a drip, eventually moved upstairs and prepped for surgery only to be told hours later it was cancelled as they had an emergency. The upped my pain killers and antibiotics to try and stop my appendix bursting so I could have surgery first thing in the morning. Surgery was fine, I didn’t know much about it and was just pleased once it had been done, it was very quick and i went home the next day. Hospital was no fun, staff were stretched to the limits and there were people on my ward that were on end of life care waiting to be moved to hospices. But I’m very grateful to the NHS for saving my life and getting me back home as fast as possible.

Your DD will be fine, she can keep her curtains shut on the ward (most people do this anyway) so she won’t have men looking at her. It’s not a huge deal being on a mixed ward.

'If a child is on her own in that situation, is unwell and/or "drugged up" as one poster put it, then that child is extremely vulnerable.'

Exactly. I'm astounded by the amount of posters who would drop their 16yr old off in an adult ward and maybe pop in later at visiting times 'cos they're adults'.

No they aren't. Stay by her side op do not budge.

As I understand it it's not a mixed ward in the sense of M/F in adjoining beds.

The standard arrangement for wards is several rooms or bays of 4 beds which are single sex.
I'd be surprised if there was any ward other than maternity that was exclusively single sex.

I think it's a bit of an over reaction really.

Excellent idea.

@orbitalcrisis 16 to 18 is a strange age with policies. At 16 you can leave home and live independently from your parents, have a full-time job, and have sex. But yes there are other things you can't legally do. It is a half way house legally,
There has been research into teenagers of this age in hospital and most were mortified if they were placed in children's wards with young children. It is a difficult call so each Trust does things differently. There will never be a perfect solution.

It’s entirely the same situation! For whatever reason (including expense) there are children to whom medical care is not available. I have been there, I have seen it, I have spoken to the children and the parents. So bollocks right back to you!

I hope the day never comes when your child is dying of an entirely curable illness and you’re begging for a doctor, while entitled individuals elsewhere in the world rant about there being a male on the same ward.

I was wrong about not being able to marry even with parental consent, the new law does not come in until February. So if anyone is planning to marry off their children, do it fast! www.gov.uk/government/news/implementation-of-the-marriage-and-civil-partnership-minimum-age-act-2022#:~:text=This%20means%20that%2016%20to,civil%20partnership%20after%20this%20date.

All strength to you, OP. Get through it and complain like fuck afterwards.

She is your child.

She is in a stressful and scary situation. She needs you to be her advocate and keep her safe.

Stay put, stay civil and just keep repeating 'My daughter wants me to stay, I am concerned about her safety, she is a child.'

They may bring in people to try and 'persuade you' to shove off but can you imagine the scenario - police being called to remove a parent who is causing no trouble, just asking to keep her child safe in a hospital - papers would have a field day'.

I know this is arsy but record EVERYTHING - on a note on your phone - who you speak to to, what they say, what you say.

There is no reason any patient of either sex needs to have their bum on show if they are in a gown, either the staff give them pants, trouser bottoms or a second gown to wear as a dressing gown if they dont have their own.

I also wonder what your own DD wants. Does she want to be in a children's ward with her mum constantly there? At 16 I would have hated this.

When I stayed with dd after an operation there were only toilets in the corridors, not in each bay.

And my now 17yo dd suffers from anxiety and would have a panic attack if she was taken to surgery without me. No way would I leave her alone.

Put down the bold there's a love. It doesn't make you more right.