16 year old in hospital, adult mixed ward.

[Teenangels]

My daughter and I are currently sitting on a chair in the waiting area, to be taken up to a ward, she is 16 only just and been diagnosed with an appendicitis, she has been given morphine, so is sleepy and

I have been told that she will be going up to an adult mixed ward to wait for surgery and that I am not allowed to go up with her.

I am actually furious that my 16 year old will be surrounded by adult men, she is a child how is this allowed to happen.

In my eyes she is still a child, she can't get married (without my permission) but can be treated as a child.

AIBU and over reacting or AINBU to feel she is being totally let down.

The same anaesthetic room is used for a 15yo as a 16yo, one is allowed their parent in the other not. Plus they can anaesthetise in the theatre I'd needed.

I hope your DD is okay OP. I think it's ridiculous you weren't allowed in with her, it's blind rule following with no lateral thinking. She's still a child and she's ill and in pain. Some 16yos will be fine and others won't

One thing I would say is your Dd needs you to not be anxious at this point. She needs to see that you are calm to help her be calm. She will be absolutely fine in the surgery. She will need lots of reassurance right now to help her deal with situation

I hope you’re daughter is recovering ok, OP.

You've had a horrible time and it’s dreadful that you can’t come to mumsnet, somewhere I consider a space for women, to receive compassion about an issue that affects children, women and mothers.

I have had many hospital trips with my now 10yo DD since she was 4yo. I haven’t thought ahead to what will happen if this condition persists through her teen years - I guess she will have to essentially manage it on her own 😢. I remember feeling a bit off during one trip to PAU when there was a teenager (must have been 15) who had taken drugs and was having an agonising come down with his dad in the bed next to my tiny poorly 5yo. But I’d far rather that with both parents present than my teen dd being left on an adult ward without me.

WTF is wrong with you??

@Teenangels - I hope your DD is OK - my 18 yo who has just had surgery read your posts and was horrified - she was allowed me and admits she really needed me there. Please try to ignore the scaremongers and focus on getting yourself to your DD's bedside asap when she comes out of theatre. THere's lot of good advice on here about the safeguarding cards to play - it is absolutely not on from a safeguardng point of view for you to be forced to leave her so do put on your big girl pants and insisit to the nurses. WHen sh;es home write to your MP/the CQC and the hospital board.

I see you're in London - its not Kings is it? My experience with them is shocking they they treat teenagers like shit - in paeds for the younger ones as well as the older ones on adult pathways.

Also with the old men and their bums, remember that this isn't predatory behaviour. These are also vunerable men who are elderly and ill. Its just a bum, there's nothing traumatising about seeing an elderly man's bum in a non-predatory situation.

I know you are joking about the photos but these men deserve their dignity too. The gowns are easy to expose parts you don't want to, especially when you are unwell and in pain. I don't think an elderly patient with a not fully closed gown is anything to worry about

At 16 I had the exact same. I was glad I wasn't on a ward with small kids/ crying babies.

Absolutely totally unacceptable. I would have refused to leave.

For contrast, my DD went through similar just before her 15th birthday. She was on the children’s ward and I was allowed to stay with her all the time, including going down to theatre with her and being there when they put her under. They called me straight back to be with her in recovery.

We had been waiting for a ultrasound scan that didn’t happen because there were none available. It was me that told them she was getting much worse and turning yellow. It was me that told them to get in with it. My DD needed me. She thought she was going to die too.

Fair enough if they didn’t have a bed available in the children’s ward but even more reason for you to stay with her.

This is definitely not right OP. I really hope the press picks this one up.

Hope she’s ok now. Wishing her a speedy recovery xx

wondering how many women on this thread who claim OP’s DD is an adult & should be left on an adult ward alone…

…opted for a birth partner when they were having their DC? Or perhaps worried that their birth partner wouldn’t be able to stay with them? Or maybe felt a bit wobbly & vulnerable on the PN ward after they’d had their DC.

it would be interesting to know wouldn’t it?

The ward is mixed the bays are single,

So, contrary to the statement in your opening post, she isn't surrounded by men, she is in a women's bay?

I don’t think you were being unreasonable, and I hope your daughter's surgery went well. If it were my child I would want to stay with them too. And if I were 16 and in hospital, in pain and going for surgery I would have been absolutely terrified.

I understand that in the eyes of the hospital she is an adult but this doesn't make sense when she can't vote, can't leave education, can't marry, drive, drink alcohol etc. So we say at 16 they can consent to having surgery but not any of the other things we would class as making you an adult?!

As a primary aged child I was put in a mixed sex adult ward. 1980s. I don't remember there being any comment about it.

Either way, the OP has confirmed that she's right next to the mixed sex toilets and wasn't allowed to stay with her scared and unwell 16 year old daughter.

But doesn't that lead to issues about male partners on women's wards?

FWIW, when I had children partners certainly couldn't stay overnight. I didn't feel particularly vulnerable, in fact when I was struggling with stitches, being new to breastfeeding etc I felt better having other women around me who were going through the same thing, and I had no wish for DH to stay with me.

The toilets will be off the main corridor linking the bays, not in the bay itself.

Well no🤷🏻‍♀️So we need to separate the full nhs?not lala land at all......do you know anything about the woman who she maybe be sharing a room with?or indeed other children if she was in a childrens ward....or the children parents who would be allowed to stay???

THIS! ^

She could be in a bay near mixed sex toilets in a children's ward, which is also likely to have men wandering around given they are allowed to stay with and visit their children and grandchildren.

I absolutely agree OP should have been allowed to stay with her daughter, but she needs to pick her battles about other aspects of this.

I was 16 when I had my appendix out, first time in hospital etc and frankly I was in pain and wanted the damn thing out so didn’t give a crap where they put me. You’re overreacting. A poorly 70 year old man with his arse hanging out? Really? Who is even looking? It’s a hospital for gods same. Be grateful your child is getting prompt care and a life saving surgery. You’ll both survive this injustice 🙄

Mixed-sex wards became common under Thatcher. There was a public outcry about it. Labour reversed this.

Oh you have my absolutely sympathy op. I spent the week in hospital last week with my 13 year old who had her appendix out. She was worried and I was worried about the op, I at least got to go down till she was put to sleep then wait on the ward till she was awake enough to come back. My 17 year old was admitted two months ago to hospital and I wasn't allowed to even sit in the waiting area with her. They did let me up to the ward once she was admitted though to visit and sit with her. It was a mixed ward but single sex rooms. I hope your daughter recovers well. Mine was still off school this whole week and her surgery was last Thursday.

Completely different and an irrelevant comparison. This thread is loopy.

Brilliant post.

OP - YANBU, I would feel exactly the same as you. Some disgusting replies on here. Hope she is ok and recovering well.

Hope your DD is doing ok OP! Xx