16 year old in hospital, adult mixed ward.

[Teenangels]

My daughter and I are currently sitting on a chair in the waiting area, to be taken up to a ward, she is 16 only just and been diagnosed with an appendicitis, she has been given morphine, so is sleepy and

I have been told that she will be going up to an adult mixed ward to wait for surgery and that I am not allowed to go up with her.

I am actually furious that my 16 year old will be surrounded by adult men, she is a child how is this allowed to happen.

In my eyes she is still a child, she can't get married (without my permission) but can be treated as a child.

AIBU and over reacting or AINBU to feel she is being totally let down.

Thinking of you and your DD, OP and keeping everything crossed for a quick recovery and even quicker reunion! As I said earlier, I would have tried to stay with my DD too (eldest is 16), I completely understand how hard this must be for you.

Go and take a look at your deleted posts on this thread and ponder on the awful myths about rape that you posted.

@CPL593H Not their mother. But I have advocated for a friend, my DP and my mother at hospital. And a friend advocated for me once. It is not essential. but it does help if you feel really ill, scared and/or in a lot of pain. So I am not surprised if someone in their twenties appreciated their mother advocating for them.

Hope you and your daughter are OK OP. 16 is too young for a mixed ward - and at 16 I would have needed my mum so totally understand where you are coming from.

You would have thought so but usually what happens is visitors make extra demands of the nursing team thus making their job harder

Legally in the UK you are an adult (able to vote, marry without permission, join the army, get a mortgage) at 18, not 16. If you are referring to giving permission for surgery...then a child can negate its parents permission for surgery if the surgery is not life saving... many paediatric wards and hospitals do indeed have 16 year olds on the wards.

I too would feel awful about this. The worst part would be not being allowed to stay. I 100% understand how stretched the nhs is. You staying or not staying is nothing to do with that though. It’s the lack of humanity that’s so awful. My mum broke her hip (& is already disabled) last year and the hospital wouldn’t let my brother stay with her, even though she’s elderly and was very frightened. It was awful. I definitely recommend going to PALS. Too late for you and your poor daughter but might help in the future.

When you’re 16 you are classed as an adult in the eyes of the NHS, but there are single sexed bays I each ward. DS had the same op at 16. Adult mixed ward but no female patients in sight. And out the next day.
best of luck to your DD

The kids ward is mixed though? My 14 year old hadn't 8 year boy boy opposite, 5 year old girl in bed next door and numerous babies.

Had a**

@MrsOvertonsWindow I looked and could not find any deleted posts. You are confusing me with someone else.
I have children who have been in hospital, one a number of times on surgical wards so I am talking about my experience that surgical wards are very busy places with staff in and out all the time.

I suppose it only works because parents stay on the ward. Otherwise it would be a safeguarding issue.

I couldn't agree more emphatically with this post. This thread is shocking. We are talking here about the safeguarding of a 16-year-old child.

And in response to this:

This would be incredibly rare. Other patients, visitors and staff can see what is happening. And a surgical ward tends to be particularly busy.

You are wrong. Even if we're not talking about full-on rape - and why should the worst-case scenario always be the yardstick for action where women are concerned? - there are many, many situations in which female patients are vulnerable.

My own experience harks back to two weeks on a traumatic injury ward, very much a surgical scenario, as recently as this summer. The ward was mixed sex, but there were designated areas for the separate sexes, including, in the four days before I was discharged, a cubicle comprising six female patients.

I had been completely immobile for over a week. In this situation I had the bed by the door. I had to keep the curtain by the door/window permanently drawn because of one guy - he'd been on the high-dependency ward at the same time I was - walking up and down the corridor with alarming frequency. We used to call him Brackett the Butler.

Every time he walked by he would stare it at me; every time - and I mean EVERY time - his fly was hanging open and his lad was wriggling about inside it, visible to all whose heads, whilst in bed, happened to be at the precise angle to best appreciate his spectacle. On several occasions, it was also erect.

I don't believe in that kind of coincidence. By that time I'd been sharing a ward for some days with patients who had dementia, who had head injuries, who could easily be excused, following horrible injuries and broken backs, collarbones, ribs, cranium etc, for not knowing what the hell they were doing.

He fucking knew.

OP, you are not, in any way and in anyone's language, being unreasonable. Hope your DD makes a full recovery soon.

I stayed with my son but the girl next door was left her mum stayed in ronald Mcdonald house about 5 minutes away.

NB. 'in plain sight' is the phrase most often used. 'In full view of the staff' matters nothing where either there's plausible deniability, or as long as we live in a society where people will go to extraordinary lengths to excuse male predatory behaviour.

There are none so blind as those who don't wish to see.

cafenoirbiscuit

You’re really not classed as an adult by the NHS at 16,it’s 18.

I hope your DDs op goes well and you are reunited with her soon and are able to stay with her when she’s on the ward

I see your point but there is (IMO) between a mixed ward with other children and on a mixed ward with adult men.

*a big difference - that should say!

It's very scary when your child is going down for an Op, especially if you haven't really had anything like it before.

I've had a lifelong chronic disease and have spent many years of my life in hospital both as a child, teen and adult. I have never had a problem on the wards. I've been on childrens, nightingales, mixed, single sex and bays and never had a single problem and I'm now 61. I'm sure she will be absolutely fine, try not to worry.

Wishing her a speedy recovery.

Oh yes definitely, I agree.

"Legally in the UK you are an adult (able to vote, marry without permission, join the army, get a mortgage) at 18, not 16. If you are referring to giving permission for surgery...then a child can negate its parents permission for surgery if the surgery is not life saving... many paediatric wards and hospitals do indeed have 16 year olds on the wards."

As I remember from my medical law lectures, that legally a child under 18 (in England) can be 'frazer competent' and can consent to treatment if capable. But actually cannot override their parent's consent and un-consent if their parents have consented. So a child can get treatment without their parents, but if, say, they needed treatment, and their parents consented, but they said no, then strictly legally, they could go ahead. In practice, they wouldn't unless life saving.

All by the by- OP this is total shit. Your child is a child. She should be on the children's ward, and while this may be mixed, it won't be actual grown-arsed men in the half-dressed there. To be honest, I would politely kick off, and unless my daughter was on a single sex ward, or a children's ward, I would be telling them we were self-discharging NOW (post op). If they give you any shit about how you don't get painkillers to take home if you self discharge, that's total rot. Ask to speak to the matron, then as high as possible. This is totally out of order. You should be allowed to stay with her on the ward, and really she should be on the children's ward. Ludicrous to put a child on an adult ward.

When my brother was 14, which is 25 years ago now, he was admitted to an adult ward with appendicitis. He spent a night there with elderly, confused men wandering around and shouting and crying through the night.
Our parents complained and he was moved to the children’s ward to recover for a week as he had peritonitis. Things should improve other the years surely, not stay the same or get worse.
As others have said it’s even more important that girls are not left alone on mixed wards. I think you should do as others have suggested OP, it if comes to it. Refuse to leave and suggest they ask security to move you. If they really think it isn’t appropriate for you to stay with your CHILD who is recovering from surgery.

Hope shes ok and recovers well.

Im sorry but i would of kicked up a fuss. SHE IS A SCHOOL CHILD A DEPENDANT! its disgusting!

A relative who spends many weeks a time in hospital was allowed on a kids ward until 18! Even at 17 when she asked not to be on kids wards as hectic she was told she wasn't allowed on adult ward until 18.

U was told to wind my neck in, I even quoted the post, but thanks.