16 year old in hospital, adult mixed ward.

[Teenangels]

My daughter and I are currently sitting on a chair in the waiting area, to be taken up to a ward, she is 16 only just and been diagnosed with an appendicitis, she has been given morphine, so is sleepy and

I have been told that she will be going up to an adult mixed ward to wait for surgery and that I am not allowed to go up with her.

I am actually furious that my 16 year old will be surrounded by adult men, she is a child how is this allowed to happen.

In my eyes she is still a child, she can't get married (without my permission) but can be treated as a child.

AIBU and over reacting or AINBU to feel she is being totally let down.

As a sister on a ward I would try and accommodate this. Bit different but I work in an elderly ward and male/ female bays are always separate and we have side rooms. However the PP's saying they can't make you leave, they can if they call the security team. I wouldn't in this situation but just saying when a visitor becomes aggressive/ refuses to leave we can make them. Hope they let you stay though.

Gosh, there are some right horrible posters on here!

I’m so sorry Op that you couldn’t stay with your dd. I hope she’s okay x

I know they do. But completely separate wards won't happen because there physically isn't the room or staff for it. The only time I have actually seen separate sex wards was surgical fractures, and that was only because the hospital got rid of another speciality, which meant they were able to expand fractures. So fractures has two wards that they split into male and female, and anyone who needs help from the speciality they replaced has to go to another country.

My guess is most people commenting have no or little experience of surgical wards. The issue in surgical wards is sleeping as they tend to be so busy.

Which case are you referring to?

Paeds patients up to 16 can get seen by speciality’s like surgeons, ortho even Gynae on a general paeds ward so it wouldn’t be much different, they still get the specialist care but in a more appropriate environment for their age group.

Weell... in one recently notorious case the hospital was adamant that a patient who said she had been raped could not have been raped because she was on a female-only ward.
And no, it certainly wasn't all over the news when it happened, until a lot more came out about the assault.
She was indeed raped.
The hospital authorities lied.
Was this a one-off? Hmmm.

Oh goodness OP. I'm absolutely horrified for you. There's no way I would leave a 16 year old child overnight like that. I would ask to speak to the designated safeguarding representative, how are they going to safeguard your child overnight? Also, there's no way I'd leave my daughter. Security would have to drag me kicking and screaming. When this is all a horrible memory please do write a lengthy complaint. I know hospitals are in dire straits but common sense and the welfare of a child must prevail.

Not read the full thread but in Scotland we uphold the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child (child is up to age 18) and allow parents to stay- was even applied during covid. Not all staff will be familiar with it so worth specifically asking for your local hospital and referencing the UN Convention.

I've attached link to the Scottish visiting guide which clarified this during covid:
www.gov.scot/publications/coronavirus-covid-19-hospital-visiting-guidance/pages/children/

Oh and I have been on a baby and preschool ward with my DC when a older teen boy was placed in a bed on the ward. He was completely bedbound (he had a motor cross accident) and was the biggest baby out of the lot. He got moved to a different bed after 24 hours but other than his constant whining for his mum to bring him a mcdonalds he was no bother at all.

Oh goodness, I have a 16 year old daughter and really wouldn't like this.
You poor things

@Teenangels, I have been where you are, with a dc who was early 20s at the time but emotionally a similar age to your DD.
It's good that they have expedited her operation and I totally understand your concern.
At 16, I suspect she might well be sending you some OMG emojis if she does see a bare arse while she's there (), but I totally understand where you're coming from. Because my DC was officially well into adulthood I wasn't even allowed on the ward with them. This was the first operation for my DC also, so I was as worried as you.
Hopefully by the time I've written this, you've heard she's on her way back to the ward (I had to wait overnight, having last checked in at 1am, with DC still waiting as more urgent cases than them were taking precedence (road accidents with life-threatening injuries), and then the theatres closing down for the rest of the night.
I've got my fingers crossed for you that all will be well.
Just to warn you, if they use wound glue, she may well look like she has one or more new belly buttons. The creasing will go once the glue comes off.
All the best.

The first duty of a parent is to safeguard their children. Don’t leave her!!!!

I know specialists visit the ward. But the day to day care is by nurses and HCAs.
I do not agree a ward with young children is the best place for a 16 or 17 year old.

Ignore all the posters who are trying to make you feel bad, they’re the ones who kick their kids out as soon as they reach 18 so not to be taken seriously. You’ve had every right to feel how you do, I would feel exactly the same.

Really sorry that you are getting a hard time and that you’re feeling so upset for your poor girl, op. Hope that she heals quickly.

it does seem to be a varied picture across the country. My son didn’t sign his consent forms at 17 - I did. He had surgery as an emergency and I was allowed by a lovely nurse to walk with them up to theatre, give my very worried lad a hug and then got one for me from aforementioned lovely nurse. Was allowed to stay in a&e with him whilst we waited for the two hours for his op, then was allowed to see him onto children’s ward for an overnight stay. That was in the height of covid.

He had another one just recently aged 19 and the hospital let his dad into be with him as they felt ‘it was better for a younger patient to have someone with him’. Just depends on the hospital I guess.

Maybe some of the harsher voices on here could just give this poor mum a break and a bit of compassion. My son would have found being on a mixed ward really awful.

This sounds awful. I hope your DD is okay OP.
I had to have an operation a few years ago - first of my life, and I was glad my mum was with me. In my mid thirties.
I can’t understand the PPs who seem to think your DD should just suck it up. And why the hell aren’t you allowed to be with her? It’s got to be scary for her and you, and it’s official complaint territory for me. If only to stop it happening to another child. And she is a child at 16, unless I’ve missed all the rules being changed (assuming you’re in the UK)

I thought this wasn't allowed any more!

As you've been deleted several times for posting rape myths on this thread and being vile about this upset parent, I think posters can safely file your alleged "facts" in the appropriate bin.

I'd have thought an adult statimg with a 16 year old would be an extra pair of hands for very nurses. Can only assume the nurses on the ward will have sufficient time to care for this teenager as well as her mother would.

When my teen had surgery he was on a surgical ward with little babies. Now that was AWFUL. They cried all day and night. Would have loved an older ward.

Do you have children?! My 16 year old is year 11, still months left at school, she is not an adult! She would be distressed if she was in the OP’s daughters situation.

@MrsOvertonsWindow I have not posted any rape myths. You are confusing me with someone else.

you are not even slightly unreasonable. There are some very very nasty people on here & it’s disgusting to see.

I hope your DD is ok. Mine is a bit older and I would be a mess. Everyone needs support when they are having surgery let alone a very young girl.

I hope she’s at home and on the mend soon.

I've been there, with someone who was very ill (in fact dying) but I really don't think most people in their 20s have their mothers around for appendix operations, unless there is an overriding reason they need support. Mind you, when I had mine out at 14 I didn't see my parents that day, before theatre and in fact until visiting time the next evening, different times.

OP, I hope your daughter is out of surgery and on the mend, it has been a horrible day for both of you.