16 year old in hospital, adult mixed ward.

[Teenangels]

My daughter and I are currently sitting on a chair in the waiting area, to be taken up to a ward, she is 16 only just and been diagnosed with an appendicitis, she has been given morphine, so is sleepy and

I have been told that she will be going up to an adult mixed ward to wait for surgery and that I am not allowed to go up with her.

I am actually furious that my 16 year old will be surrounded by adult men, she is a child how is this allowed to happen.

In my eyes she is still a child, she can't get married (without my permission) but can be treated as a child.

AIBU and over reacting or AINBU to feel she is being totally let down.

I’m so sorry you haven’t been able to stay with your daughter. My daughter is 15 and a half, I know how she would be under the same circumstances

There’s a huge portion of posters on here who are just cunts. I don’t know if they’re like it normally, I doubt it. Troll-types are generally pretty pathetic individuals in reality, living bleak lives.

How is your daughter?

I have a question. The HCPs have said that physiologically adults and children are different and that 16 yo girls are adults medically. Separate wards are good because children get specialised care.

We also know that women and men are physiologically different. And the default is male, meaning women receive less good care and advice most of the time.

Doesn't it therefore follow that regardless of safety, and that's huge, women would benefit from female wards, focused on professional best practise for them?

I mean I know no one actually cares about women's health, safety and wellness. But it's curious.

There are not “staff everywhere” there is not a designated nurse for each bay. ASI posted before he average time it takes for a buzzer to be answered is 12 minutes, that’s the first a member of staff knows about what you need. (If that was a bed pan it’s often too late, meaning more work for the nurses ).
DH had to wait 30 minutes to be put back in bed yesterday because there was only one nurse available on the whole ward and he needs two.
”You can pull your curtain round” so then you don’t even have the protection of the rest of your bay?
All those saying OPs dd is an adult and she’ll be fine, do any of you have 16yr olds? It seems grown up when your dc are toddlers but believe me, they’re not mature adults at 16 and need their parents at times like this.

YADNBU. Hope everything goes well OP.

It sounds like it was the anaesthesia and recovery room you could not be in? That is normal. The rooms are small. You will I am sure be allowed on the ward with your DD.

I know it's not a race to the bottom but both times I was in hospital as a child, once for an op and once for meningitis, my parents just left me there aged 10 and 12 and came to pick me up at discharge, didn't visit or anything.
I was okay.

That's a misuse of the word parent.

I wouldn't do that to a dog (a dog I'd found in the street that wasn't even my pet).

Some disgusting posts on here including the nurse who talked about ‘…dealing with this shit’ - - you should be ashamed - this is not shit. This is a frightened young girl (NOT an adult) in pain, sedated and alone around strangers. Any normal loving parent would be at their wits end and want to be by their child’s side in that situation.

I can only assume all the (trolls?) posters saying they ‘couldn’t get worked up about this’ are saying they don’t care what happens to their children and will happily stand by while their sedated child is institutionalised anywhere with any set of randoms…🙄 great parenting 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

YANBU op and I hope you get her home and safe soon. (We were in a similar situation with our 21 year old son in lockdown and we sat in the car park for hours too!)

That is only possible with current staffing if we have large nightingale wards. People campaigned to get rid of those. So small bays and some single rooms it now is.
I have been a patient on a woman's nightingale ward. To be honest there are so many visitors in such a large ward that it isn't any less private. You need to use your curtain for privacy to get changed etc.

The very saddest thing about this is that I suspect the paediatric ward is rammed with teenagers in MH crisis who have been failed and failed and failed by CAMHS. And that is why there is no room at the Inn.

Let us not forget that the NHS is not free. It is free at the point of delivery and one if the reasons it has got so bad is because a culture of gratitude has prevailed for too long. Why shoukd we be grateful for shit care and shit attitudes?

Well said.

Incidentally in our region of the UK, an adult man sexually assaulted or raped (I can't remember exactly) a young woman with learning difficulties on a mixed ward, his defence when prosecuted was that he thought she wanted it/it seemed like she wanted it

Not a lot of empathy here tonight! I'd probably want a hug from a loved one before an operation and I'm 36, of course a 16 year old is going to want her mum there.

Sorry you and your daughter are going through this, hope she's out soon, has a speedy recovery and you're reunited very soon.

@UWhatNow That is not what is happening though. DD is not being institutionalised with randoms. She will be in a single sex bay and the OP will be allowed to be with her.
OP could not be in anaesthesia and recovery. And she is not in paediatrics.

Thinking of you, OP. It's good they're operating so quickly, no matter how upsetting the surroundings.This will all pass soon.

Agree with this. I’m an nmc registered hcp and if I was looking after this girl I’d consider it my job to advocate for her, at least for her mum to stay. I understand the paed ward might be full. It’s part of holistic, patient centred care.

Yeah we are a mess right now. Poor families are travelling miles away to get a bed we are so full! It’s not even proper winter yet!

@LemonDrop22 That happened on a mental health ward. It is not the same. And mixed sex mental health wards are wrong.

I hope all goes well @Teenangels An appendectomy is a fairly routine operation for medical staff, but not for the patient!

I am shocked though, that you’ve were told you couldn’t stay with her. Did staff give you a reason? It seems harsh and unnecessary.

My dd has been in hospital aged 16 and 17 and is put in the paediatric ward. In another local hospital the 16 year old girls go on mixed adult wards and it adds a layer of stress, there are a lot of adult males in hospital (and some females) who are, frankly, scary. There are always security having to come in, either to escort people in custody (especially in A and E/maxillofacial areas), or to deal with patients who have mental health crises, or are aggressive, or trying to escape. The worst wards are the diagnostic ones before you get to the right ward (so acute assessment) for that. Once you are on the right ward for your problem, then things seem better mainly because problem patients are put in side wards, but someone is not watching every ward all of the time.

I absolutely would not want my 16 dd in a bay with adult males and I would want to accompany her to check the bays before leaving her. I would insist. Luckily our local hospital is fantastic and always treats parents of 16/17 year olds as parents of teens, not parents of adults, they will even let you stay over by their bedside overnight if you like. The screeching of toddlers is a small price to pay to be a kinder nicer paed ward.

She wasn't allowed to be with her. He daughter went to a pre-op ward before going down to theatre and the OP was made to leave.

My daughter is 18 and would be beside herself if left in similar circumstances. YADNBU.

It's appalling you couldn't stay until she went down to surgery.

I hope you get to see her soon

@Buteverythingsfine I prefer my teenagers to be on a ward where they get the best specialist treatment.

There will never be the resources for that. Women don't need doctors and nurses trained specifically in women's health alone. Women and men are similar enough that "adult medicine" covers them. If you wanted to treat the sexes separately, then you would need twice as many hospitals and staff. That will never be possible. Or if you were to use the current beds and staff, then that would halve the number of beds available, which can't happen because it would be too dangerous. People would die.

If you are in SW London (St George's, St Helier, Kingston) I'll write to my MP on your behalf and take it up with the respective CEOs for you. It's disgusting.