16 year old in hospital, adult mixed ward.

[Teenangels]

My daughter and I are currently sitting on a chair in the waiting area, to be taken up to a ward, she is 16 only just and been diagnosed with an appendicitis, she has been given morphine, so is sleepy and

I have been told that she will be going up to an adult mixed ward to wait for surgery and that I am not allowed to go up with her.

I am actually furious that my 16 year old will be surrounded by adult men, she is a child how is this allowed to happen.

In my eyes she is still a child, she can't get married (without my permission) but can be treated as a child.

AIBU and over reacting or AINBU to feel she is being totally let down.

OP I would google your hospital and children on adult wards. Most trusts have policies for this and you could check whether the hospital is following their own one properly.

It’s true in England, I’ve just realised I put U.K. but meant to put England. Sorry

Answering as a devil's advocate - a child can't get a tattoo until they're 18 - OK? 🙄

On a children's ward you can stay with your child. Overnight normally.

So why is the age of consent 16? Bonkers to me that somebody can decide to have intercourse and become pregnant but not get a tattoo.

No worries, @Thehonestbadger . The Scottish government in its wisdom seems to have decided a 16 year old is an adult 🙄.

You just can't let it go can you. I acknowledged it could happen but said it was not the thing to focus on at the moment... the OP needs actual helpful advice on how to achieve either a paediatric bed for her daughter or her to be able to stay. Paediatric wards could have 16 year old boys who don't want their parents to stay overnight and the a 16 year old female patient who's parents have popped to the coffee shop and just walk into her bay. It is impossible to eliminate any risk in any location in a hospital, so let's be practical, not scaremonger the OP and focus on how to improve the situation.

Hello @Teenangels - I completely understand this is a very distressing time for you. I hope your daughter's operation is a complete success and best wishes for her speedy recovery.

My young adult DS was recently admitted to hospital for urgent treatment. There's no need for me to go into all the details; I can sum it up by saying that because of what happened while he was waiting for a bed to become available combined with my DS's condition, there was no way I was going to leave him.

The setup at the hospital in our case was mixed-sexed wards with single-sex bays containing 6 beds each. There was a toilet and shower room at both ends of the ward, however they could be accessed and used by both sexes.

I asked to see the duty manager in charge of the ward and gave my reasons for not leaving. I was told it was not usually allowed, however due to the circumstances (which I explained very calmly and in great detail) I was granted permission to stay. I asked the duty manager to write this on DS's notes, so there would be no issues during shift changes.

My advice: While you're waiting, find out the name of the ward your DD is due to go to, then get the ward's telephone number from the hospital website. Call and ask to speak to the duty manager. Offer to meet in person or relay your concerns on the phone. Request permission to stay & take it from there. If this hadn't worked for me, I would have requested a meeting with the hospital management. If that had failed, I still wouldn't have left unless I was physically removed by security.

I kept out of the way but attended to all DS's personal care, which I hope was of some use to the ward staff.

All the best

Reasonably but firmly refuse to leave. Escalate higher and higher and log it with PALS- get the other Mum to do the same.

This exact scenario happened to my colleague’s daughter recently. They just point blank refused to go and complained up the chain, and eventually were allowed to stay.

I’m so sorry, it’s an appalling policy. i hope your daughter is better soon :(

All 3 that i've read so far say that a parent is allowed to stay with a 16 year old.

It’s the kick off comments I was meaning. I absolutely do care about the welfare of patients but a lot of advice here isn’t actually going to do anything (if OP followed it which she doesn’t seem to be doing and is properly advocating for her daughter instead). The best thing to do is simply talk nicely to the ward manager and explain concerns rather than kick off, put complaints in from the start etc etc.

I can be glad I’m not putting up with complaints and from experience, verbal aggression because someone is unhappy even though it’s not my fault and care about the welfare of patients. Actually it’s easier to care and look after patients without the aggression, less forms to fill in.

It is absolutely shit! The nhs is on its knees it really is. I completely empathise with you but logically you’ve only got a few choices.

I was actually saying that you can take her to another hospital and have it done there.

they might have more beds. But realistically with how bad it really is right now (because you’re seeing first hand what’s happening now with no money. No staff. No beds) what choice do we all have?

Mixed pre-op wards are not unusual, and she will be taken to a single sex ward after the operation - check, but I'd be very surprised if that wasn't what is going to happen.

Actually.

You could say things like ‘I can help. I can give her drinks when you’re busy or help her with food’. That might help your case a little.

Good post.

@OriginalUsername2

why gross?

why be British and quietly seethe and let bad stuff happen?

As several posters have said a case by case decision is made re peads or adults and that essentially boils down to is this kid acting like a kid and so we need a parent to stay or acting like and adult and we can have them on an adult ward without them trying to sneak out or do other random teen stuff. If dd comes across as mature for her age she is more likely to end up alone on an adult ward

the hospital staff will want less work and bother. Make it clear that it’s less work to let op stay. The ward nurses aren’t going to want to spend the night comforting a scared kid who’s crying for mum- not because they won’t care but because they are too busy. Equally the anathestist and surgeon don’t want to end up in a situation where the teen won’t consent and they have to explain to a judge whom they have woken up for an emergency court order this happened because they didn’t let a minor have an adult (and should lawyers get involved then mum will get access) the op is offering to do the hospitals work for them in supervising and safeguarding her child. They should be jumping at this

I worked in many hospital trusts and sadly those that quietly put up don’t get what they want. Those that make a fuss do.

My local hospital doesn’t have any single sex wards at all apart from gynae.

I'm really sorry you and your DD are dealing with this stress on top of all the anxiety you will both feel with emergency surgery. I would just keep banging on the safeguarding drum - keep reminding them that legally she is a child and needs adequate safeguarding supervision which you can provide, until she is on her way to theatre. Get the other mother to rinse and repeat too. There is no reason for you not to stay until then. DD18 recently had a major op and I was allowed to stay with her in HDU (despite a no visitors policy and her being an adult) as they recognised she was young, scared and needed her mum (and I was happy to do all the minor stuff for her to take the load off the nursing team).

Sorry- posted half a garbled message because I’m trying to walk and type. I hope you’re ok OP. I’d be furious too, and have a dd around the same age. I think like pp have said I’d just sit down and refuse to move. God only knows why anyone thinks you should be grateful??!! What a joke.

I’m almost certain this is incorrect.

I’m sure medically she can consent to medical treatment at 16 and doesn’t need her mum to consent for her…..

People aged 16 or over are entitled to consent to their own treatment. This can only be overruled in exceptional circumstances.

Like adults, young people (aged 16 or 17) are presumed to have sufficient capacity to decide on their own medical treatment, unless there's significant evidence to suggest otherwise.

Children under the age of 16 can consent to their own treatment if they're believed to have enough intelligence, competence and understanding to fully appreciate what's involved in their treatment. This is known as being Gillick competent.

They do put 16yr old in adult wards and as others have said it’s likely to be a female bay.

God forbid sick people of both genders walk past your bay to go to the toilet.

It's not only your daughter who is sick and uncomfortable.
I completely understand you wanting to stay with her and personally think you should be allowed because she is scared.
I hope her surgery goes well and she makes a speedy recovery.

I’m so sorry OP. I’d feel exactly the same as you. I cannot believe how far child protection goes sometimes but when it comes to an actual real vulnerability of a 16 years old girl in pain, nobody cares at all. She must have a parent with her, especially in a mixed ward. Wish your daughter the speediest recovery. I don’t know what to advise