16 year old in hospital, adult mixed ward.

[Teenangels]

My daughter and I are currently sitting on a chair in the waiting area, to be taken up to a ward, she is 16 only just and been diagnosed with an appendicitis, she has been given morphine, so is sleepy and

I have been told that she will be going up to an adult mixed ward to wait for surgery and that I am not allowed to go up with her.

I am actually furious that my 16 year old will be surrounded by adult men, she is a child how is this allowed to happen.

In my eyes she is still a child, she can't get married (without my permission) but can be treated as a child.

AIBU and over reacting or AINBU to feel she is being totally let down.

You should absolutely be allowed to stay with her.

As others have said ask to see there specific safeguarding policy about children in adult wards and ask exactly what actions are being taken to ensure she is appropriately supervised (with regard to her trying to leave or engaging in any risky behaviours (unwell teens don’t always make the best choices) safeguarded (from abuse) and advocated for (including what actions they will take if she does not consent to any interventions and you are not there due to them making you leave)

A similar thing happenned to me a few years ago when I was in overnight for minor surgery. I woke up to find a man with dementia (the nurses said) at the end of the bed holding his penis and masturbating. I wasn't particulary worried as he was very frail but it was a shock and I would have found it very disturbing at 16 on my own. No one noticed or came over until I called them.

@ReedRite I'm sure it would be terrifying but presumably your DH was in a male bay making the likelihood far higher of this happening. I have already said many times now how I don't think the hospital are right at denying the OP to stay. It is a scary place for most 16 year olds.

All wards are mixed in this country but individual bays are single sex. The bays have toilets and showers which are single sex too. You will be hard-pressed to find a single sex ward in the NHS. Different hospitals have different policies about 16 year olds - unless there is a care order in place stating that she must be admitted under paeds until 18, they will usually be admitted under the adult team with paeds input if necessary.

@Teenangels
If you are under 18 and in full time education she should be admitted to a paediatric ward and treated as a child within any U.K. hospital. This is what my hospital doctor husband is telling me.

You can very clearly state this and if you are told extenuating circumstances (bed shortages) mean she has to be there then you’re entitled to request an explanation and justification of this in writing. If they’re using this ward are essentially overflow for paediatrics then you should be allowed to stay.

Whatever AIBU is trying to tell you, this really isn’t best practise or perfectly normal to happen in hospitals. They would not usually put a 16 yo girl alone in mixed bays with older men. Since the education reforms ‘children’ are under 18’s this is because the NHS is in dire straights but that doesn’t mean your DD has to be ‘grateful’ for being made to feel unsafe.

Glad you know exactly what I'm doing. Advising the OP on how to speak to someone more senior who could authorise her staying if the staff feel unable to use their discretion.

If Dd is up to it a bit of acting on her part - clinging to your hand, crying, refusing to properly engage with staff eg

”I want mummy, I can’t go without mummy”

if she isn’t consenting they can’t admit her against her will, unless you consent for her which is an admission she’s not an adult. They can’t refuse to treat her if she refuses consent as she is a child and so they need to act in her best interests and would then have to demonstrate that they had taken all reasonable steps to get consent - letting a parent stay would be reasonable

make them realise that having you there will make their lives so much easier than getting you to leave

Oh op, i hope DD feels better soon. I would be exactly the same in your shoes. I agree with pp who suggested asking to see their specific safeguarding procedure/risk assessment for a female child on a mixed sex adult ward.

So sorry OP that you are getting so much abuse on this thread. It’s highly unlikely that anyone here telling you to “just deal with it”has ever had their child need emergency surgery!! I would be absolutely gutted about not being allowed to stay with my children at 16 too. Especially when they are upset/poorly and in pain!! I think because of all of that, you are already feeling like she’s particularly vulnerable as it is right now so it’s quite scary to know she’s in a mixed ward as well.

I completely get it and anyone who can’t see that is completely heartless.

I had a planned procedure recently and I still felt scared and had my husband with me until I had to go down for surgery and also wouldn’t have felt comfortable being half dressed around men either. And I’m in my 30s! Let alone if I was only 16.

Sending lots of love and hope your DD is much better soon 💐

Is this definitely true, @Thehonestbadger , even in Scotland? My 17 year old daughter had substantial surgery yesterday (over 3 hours in theatre). Because it was day surgery (ridiculous in itself, my mum who was a nurse all her working life says), I had to leave her at the door. She was at least in a single sex bit of day surgery.

I can absolutely understand OP's distress. It is completely ridiculous for her daughter not to have her mother with her.

Minimising what you said now. You tried to say that it's much more likely to happen on a mental health ward than a surgical ward (true, probably) and implying the OP should just accept the small risk of anything untoward happenning to her daughter. Demonstarting zero understanding of risk assessment, as many others on this thread have said. It' s not about the liklihood of anything happenning, it's that a parent shouldn't be forced into a position where it could because the HNS is in such a state when they could simply let her stay.

I think if she went private she would be able to stay with her. She’d also have her own room. Because I think because of the risk this is what I’d do if I had no other choice for this exact reason.

You do realise that on a childrens ward there would be 16 year old boys.

Gross.

Just don't leave OP.

Ignore the bollocks from the oddly bold poster about "they have to keep to the rules" - there's always the option to use discretion.

I'd say the likelihood of them getting security to bodily throw you out is pretty low.

"I'm staying a bit longer because my daughter is frightened and needs her mum". Repeat ad infinitum.

AFAIK parents are allowed to stay on paed wards aren't they?

@oobeedoobee a 16 year old is - legally - definitely not an adult. So you’re just plain wrong.

The NHS might have its own policy but that doesn’t have the force of law.

I can’t read much more of the thread because your habit of bolding words incessantly and seemingly almost randomly is so puerile and very very irritating.

OP I understand your concerns, I would be concerned too and would speak to the nurse in charge and ask to see policy.

But for the sake of argument... If 16 year olds are children then why is 16 the age of consent?
Just playing devil's advocate.

My 16 year old daughter was admitted to a short stay ward earlier this year. The nursing staff expected me to stay with her before I had even asked about it. They said for safeguarding on a mixed short stay ward they prefer the parent to stay.

They were very kind and got me one of the semi reclined chairs with a pillow and blanket.

Hope you can stay.

He was in a male bay, but easy enough for the man to wander into the female bay right next door and the nurses were nowhere to be seen

@Thehonestbadger @ScissorsPaperStone this is not the case for every hospital, they all have their own policies. See the pic below for the flowchart for 16-17 year old admissions at the hospital I work at. Not the best quality but you can read it.

Be furious at the Tory government who have allowed the NHS to be what it is today. A shambles.

Apart from gynae wards all wards are mixed. They have separate bays tho and they do not mix the patients at all. Hope she recovers well