16 year old in hospital, adult mixed ward.

[Teenangels]

My daughter and I are currently sitting on a chair in the waiting area, to be taken up to a ward, she is 16 only just and been diagnosed with an appendicitis, she has been given morphine, so is sleepy and

I have been told that she will be going up to an adult mixed ward to wait for surgery and that I am not allowed to go up with her.

I am actually furious that my 16 year old will be surrounded by adult men, she is a child how is this allowed to happen.

In my eyes she is still a child, she can't get married (without my permission) but can be treated as a child.

AIBU and over reacting or AINBU to feel she is being totally let down.

We had this problem a couple of months ago when my 17 year old son was put on an adult male ward. He was scared and he is no shrinking violet. |They said we could only visit an hour a day. I kicked up a fuss and in the end it all worked out and we stayed all day- although not at night.

I understand how much pressure health staff are under but I am starting to really worry about those still working in the service, they seem to have become inured to the awful state of everything and now just berate patients/anyone who thinks things are unacceptable.

Agree completely. It's worrying.

In this situation I'd just continue to ask for the written risk assessments before you leave. You have a legal responsibility for the safety of your child. You are not convinced that safeguarding is appropriate - you need to see the written risk assessments at a minimum. And until they do that as a very first step, you stay.

They’re not. She’ll be in a female bay.

Really, refuse treatment I am fucking angry that I was not allowed to stay with my poorly, scared 16 year old.

@ReedRite i agree too.

Just because it’s free doesn’t make it ok.

@Teenangels have you called PALS they really can help

I would feel exactly the same. My 19 year old daughter also wouldn’t want to be alone with males around while she is in a vulnerable position.

I think your frustration is because they won’t let you stay as her mother. I’d be making myself cozy on the chairs and not be moving. And I’m not even a confrontational person!

I accept that the NHS is on its knees but I would not support any circumstance that means by daughter is placed in an uncomfortable position - it’s easily fixed by the mother being there as a her guardian.

They are single sex bays. I don't see the problem. I think you're being ungrateful and melodramatic.
I hope your daughter has a speedy recovery

Also agree with this. The treatment my DS and dad have experienced on wards has ranged from 'that's a bit shit' to (for my dad) causing PTSD. Just because the NHS is in a right mess doesn't mean it's OK to belittle, ignore and minimise people's distress and concerns. That happens a lot.

Have you said the words

Safeguarding risk to them?

Could you ask if they have a risk assessment for children on a mixed ward?

I agree that just 16 is not a legal adult.

There are many things 16 year olds can't do in a work environment due to risk assessments and they are classes as a young person and need a separate risk assessment

And are dementia patients there and in their right mind?

Stop minimising and gas lighting this poor OP who is instinctively protecting her DD and doing the right thing. No parent should be forced to leave their child in a POTENTIALLY dangerous situation against their instincts and better judgement. Your gaslighting would be considered abuse if it was a man doing it to a woman.

although It's "mixed" it tends to be a woman's bay/mans bay ect. She's not 10 so I honestly don't see the problem

Have you spoke to PALS yet? Several posters have told you to and they will shut at 5. No point complaining on here if your not gonna try solve it.

I don't see what the problem is about allowing mum to stay? I'm sure mum would be willing to sit/snooze in a chair if it just a short admission. Why is there a big issue about this, I don't understand, and maybe someone could enlighten me. Solves the issue immediately.

Exactly. If the NHS is so squeezed they can't provide basic safeguarding assurances for children then let the parent stay.

You don't see a problem with an unsupervised possibly unconscious or half conscious young woman with easy reach of grown men you know nothing about? I hope you're not a mother of girls... must be nice living in lala land... @Mrsmch123

Have you been allowed to stay?

If not are you in wales/England/ni or Scotland as the rules are a little different in Scotland?

is dd saying she wants you to stay?

have they said why you can’t stay?

we have assumed you are mum/female?

I would not start talking about rape/sexual assault to the nurse in charge or whomever your are talking to but simply say you are not leaving your child if she is admitted to an adult ward, remind them she is a child legally and so needs an appropriate adult to be with her if she is in an adult environment.

those saying nhs HCPs don’t care - lots of us do. it doesn’t matter how busy or overworked I am I would always make time to advocate for a scared kid who wants her mum- I’ve actually worked in hospitals in less developed counties and parents and kids there are just like us - they want their mums when sick to and would be allowed them

Absolutely no way would I leave my 16yo DD overnight, even without the adult males wandering around!
She is a child who needs her mother! I had appendicitis and thought I was dying. I called exh and begged him to take care of the kids if I died. He took the kids straight to his mother and came to hospital demanding to see me because he was so concerned. I was 28yo and a mother of 4. Your poor little girl must be terrified!

Hospitals are like the Marie Celeste on a Friday afternoon, the chances of speaking to anyone are non existent. Just stay and refuse to leave @Teenangels.

Gaslighting... I dont think you know the definition of the word. I have already said that I don't think she should be made to leave and have given her suggestions of who to escalate the matter to. I have just said that people constantly posting articles about rape are not helping the OP here are they.
There are very few independently mobile dementia patients with emergency surgical issues wandering about so again, let's not put so much fear onto the OP and offer sensible solutions of how she can stay with her daughter. Which is all I have done and have said if I was the nurse in charge of that ward, I would let her stay without a second thought.

I know exactly what you are doing and how you are gaslighting the OP. As others have said, we all feel sorry for people working in the NHS but it doesn't help.

We had this with dd years ago when she was 16yo. I wasn’t allowed in overnight and had to push to be allowed there in the morning before afternoon visiting.

men were meant to be in the next bay but they wander. I’d previously worked on that ward and frequently had to pull men out the women’s bay especially at night. Not helped by the fact it was the gastro ward so a lot of alcoholics coming down or sneaky drinking and being drunk.

anyway dd was ok but I still remember saying to her when I left her that if she was ever scared not just to buzz but to start screaming like mad. She never needed to.

One poor old man with dementia tried to climb into bed with DH when he was in hospital. It was disturbing enough for him as a man in his 50s, it would be terrifying for a 16 year old girl.

It's not 'free' we pay via taxes and national insurance. I'm sure the OP has paid in in her whole working life.

I lived in a country with private health insurance, taxes were much much lower than here.

And she'll be saving the NHS money if anything were to happen in what is clearly an unsafe environment for a 16 year old child and she sued them. It doesn't cost the NHS anything to let OP stay. Why on earth are they making her leave? It's literally insane.

I bet care would be better if all the money spent on legal fees and court cases was spent on care.