16 year old in hospital, adult mixed ward.

[Teenangels]

My daughter and I are currently sitting on a chair in the waiting area, to be taken up to a ward, she is 16 only just and been diagnosed with an appendicitis, she has been given morphine, so is sleepy and

I have been told that she will be going up to an adult mixed ward to wait for surgery and that I am not allowed to go up with her.

I am actually furious that my 16 year old will be surrounded by adult men, she is a child how is this allowed to happen.

In my eyes she is still a child, she can't get married (without my permission) but can be treated as a child.

AIBU and over reacting or AINBU to feel she is being totally let down.

I know what it means, thank you, because I have been in one. I don't agree with them. The fact that 'virtually all wards are like this', doesn't mean they are a good thing.

All wards are mixed, but bays aren't unless it's something like HDU

I would just tell them you're staying. Don't even ask. She'll be scared on her own in hospital.

I mean, there's been several people on this thread talking about themselves or family members being sexually assaulted in hospital, there's the case of the woman who was raped then gaslit about it for a year, and the case of the young girl in Ireland.

www.irishexaminer.com/news/arid-30985999.html

@Butchyrestingface

Parents are usually allowed to stay on paediatrics. Even if OP wasn't allowed to stay with a 16 year old, there would be nurses keepinf a closer watch and little ones whose parents who would be staying and could intervene if the nurses were short staffed/busy.

OP is not insisting on paediatrics ward anyway. She wants to be able to stay with her DD on the mixed ward.

It will be a bay rather than a long ward there will be sick and ill men there and in their cubicles like she will be.I do think you should be able to chaperone her though and I think you should push for that. I hope she isn't in too long.

Hope you and the other mother are following this up with PALs and following oobeedoobee's very good advice upthread about safeguarding.
Please ignore some of the vile comments and rape myths being perpetuated on this thread - several posters should be ashamed of themselves for their lack of empathy and insight.

And yes I agree with others and suggest you stay put and just pleasantly say - I'm staying here until my daughter goes in for surgery. She needs me to be here - and don't move. People won't want to challenge you. And if they request you leave, Just say oh no sorry, I don't think I can do that, I have a duty of care

@Butchyrestingface

Don't give up the day job ! 😂And a very apt user name btw ! 😉

That's good to know about the parents being allowed to stay. . You'd think the OP would be allowed to stay in this case due to her daughter being so scared and drugged up.

Awful that mixed wards are still a thing.

This is not true. STOP perpetuating rape myths for whatever twisted reason you have. And stop trying to undermine and humiliate a caring mother looking after her sick child.

@Butchyrestingface

Paediatric wards have loads more people on them - Parents stay with their children so there are simply more people around. Staff numbers also tend to be higher.

You're absolutely doing the right thing here OP, stick to your guns and stay with her.
I completely sympathise with the staff who have to stick to these absolutely mad rules, but anyone who's saying you have to be grateful for the NHS and any crumb of treatment you receive is out of order. It's not free, your taxes pay for this service and as with any service you pay for, there is a minimum threshold of the service you'll expect.
Leaving a 16 year old girl alone on the ward while she's scared, in pain and not in the full of her senses would not be right, and the staff (who are already overstretched and overworked) can't supervise her all night. You're a great mum and your daughter knows you've got her back. Good luck for the overnight stay and good luck for her operation xxx

I’m sorry OP. 😥 I’m sorry your daughter is ill, I’m sorry medical care in this country has become so crap, I’m sorry that there were some patronising wankers on this thread, and I hope your daughter is ok. If I could help I would. All I can do is recognise that it is not ok for a 16 yr old girl to be expected to sleep somewhere that random men of all ages have access to her bed, and there are very very countries in the world where that would happen.

😥

If a child is still of school age they should be on paeds IMO.

I had to go into adult ward when I had my appendix out and I was 16. My mum stayed with me until I went down to theatre but I was admitted late evening and had my operation during the night. There were then normal visiting hours the next day. A number of the women on the ward took me under their wing.

I would stay with her as long as you can. I would have thought most patients in the ward wouldn't mind a mum staying with her daughter even if they can't have visitors as is outside visiting hours

havent rtft but I’m a paeds nurse worked in many childrens wards and EDs and all 16 year olds are admitted to the childrens ward or as a last resort side room on an adult ward with 1 parent allowed continuous access. There’s national guidance to support this. In my local hospital the adult wards kick up a massive fuss to any under 18s being admitted even if they are 17 and 363days so very surprised at this.

This is probably the best advice.

Demand to speak to a consultant or try and tweet the chief executive if possible. I would feel the same way about my daughter being placed in a mixed ward. Not being allowed to stay with her is totally unacceptable

I work on a mixed sex Ward, the bays are single sex though. We allow parents to stay with 16 year olds so maybe ask the ward sister when she gets transferred.

A burst appendix could be life threatening

The absolute priority is for her to get admitted (which she is) and sent for surgery urgently, ASAP. Nothing else.

Post surgery she may well be put in a side ward, not the ward she was admitted to.

For her sake, you should act calm and confident, assure her all is well and will be well. Don't let her see you angry/ anxious /agitated about other patients etc; that will only upset her. Stress will affect her recovery.

If there's going to be a complaint, that comes later; not now.

Why won't they let you stay with her?

Obviously buildings can't be configured to accommodate every specific situation, but a common sense solution would be to allow you to stay with her. Is it about infection control or something?

And this attitude is precisely how things never change or improve.

Put up and shut up

Ask to speak to the matron/chief nurse in charge of the hospital today and say that you have a safeguarding concern

This is normal when there aren't any beds on a children's surgical ward. They will have a "child on the ward" policy to make sure she is looked after appropriately for her age. Side rooms are likely taken up by isolating patients. Plus if she's very ill then she really needs to be where she can be observed. I'm surprised about the mixed-sex toilets, though. I've never seen that. Usually there are men's loos by the male bays, women's by the female bays, then often a mixed-sex accessibility bathroom.

Everyone there is there for a reason and they deserve peace and privacy, so staff might be more open to you staying if you look like you'll not be a disruptive presence on the ward.