To think I wasn’t rude to colleague?

[hellohelloisityou]

Our office day is today and this was the first time she’d been in since solo travelling around India.

I asked how it went, did she enjoy it. Then I said did you get lonely?

She pretty much snapped back that you wouldn’t ask a couple if they’d argued whilst on holiday so why am I jumping to the negative

I apologised but felt very awkward tension afterwards

For God's sake, if that's her reaction to a perfectly innocent question then it's not hard to see why she was travelling alone.

Well, she did go to a country which famously has densely populated cities, so...!

I think her response was fine, if she said it without being rude. Would you have asked someone in a couple that question? Probably not. It is annoying as a solo traveller to have people make negative assumptions.

It sounds really judgemental and like you’re finding the one negative thing and making her defend it.

Yes I think you're right.

So mean

Its not perfectly innocent OP was looking for the negative - trying to tear her down

It was rude because of the implication you made.

'did you get lonely?' implied that it is odd, weird and not normal to travel alone. As if you cannot be OK on your own.

Oh please, OP is guilty of projection if anything. Ridiculous over reaction.

This. I don't get how other posters aren't seeing it

No she's trying to piss on her parade

Seriously?

Good grief.

Of course, if someone comes back from a great trip, getting all the attention. What’s the first thing you ask..did you get the shits, was the hotel shite, was the food awful, were you lonely. No of course not. Not unless you’re jealous as fuck

Oh cmon, cause she was jealous, the woman was getting all the attention, did something the op would never, so she tried to find the negative and weaponise it.

it’s that passive aggressive remark some folks specialise in then act all innocent over,,,who me, no, I’m not cunty at all . I was just curious, twinkly laugh, head tilt

This!!!

& I suspect jealousy as I doubt it’s feasible for OP to take a month out to travel to abroad.

I travelled alone when I was young and I did get lonely sometimes. It’s just part of the experience of solo travelling and wouldn’t dream of being offended if someone asked the question. It would mean they were interested in my experience. Her response says more about her feelings than anything about you.

You and @MrsDanversGlidesAgain get it! People used to call me from other places and comment on the amount of sirens they'd hear in the background. We didn't even hear them!

And @saraclara I used to travel without my exH and get comments about wearing a wedding ring "fake husband, we know why western girls wear fake rings". No, my ex just didn't want to go to anywhere South of the Tropic of Cancer.

I think what it boils down to is the frustration possibly comes from the fact that the world is incredible and varied and wonderful and if you travelled forever you wouldn't see everything and when you do experience a small amount of that you get:

Weren't you lonely?
Weren't you scared?
Isn't [country] dangerous?
Why woulld you go there?
I'd rather relax on holiday.
I just want a pool and a book.
What did you EAT?

Solo travelling in the majority world isn't for everyone. But if my mum can travel solo to Northern India in her 70s, it's probably for more people than you'd think. https://www.onthegotours.com/blog/2017/03/worlds-greatest-female-travellers/

Your colleague is weirdly sensitive.

I did a 9 month solo travel trip. People asked if I was lonely / if it was hard to live out a suitcase for so long... I never took offence, these are fair questions,

You were rude

Did you get lonely.
No.

That's how that conversation should have gone. It's not intrusive. It's just a general question. She over reacted.

I think what it boils down to is the frustration possibly comes from the fact that the world is incredible and varied and wonderful and if you travelled forever you wouldn't see everything and when you do experience a small amount of that you get:

Weren't you lonely?
Weren't you scared?
Isn't [country] dangerous?
Why woulld you go there?

Exactly that @MrsTerryPratchett . I go out of my way not to go on and on about my trips to people. I really don't want to bore them. But those sorts of questions are so dispiriting when you get back.

I traveled to Iran a few years ago (obviously ages before all this stuff kicked off). It was absolutely mind blowingly wonderful, and I came home as high as a kite. Did anyone ask a single positive question? Not one. Not a single one.

Every mention of it involved teeth sucking, and people didn't hide the fact that they thought I was lying when I said how wonderful, friendly and hospitable the people are over there. It was absolutely blatant. I actually shed a tear after one of these sessions because I was so sad that this wonderful trip had somehow been tainted and those lovely people is met were trashed by those questioning me.

But anyway. I'm not sure that OP was rude as such, but she was tactless and the colleague was probably sick of keeping her eye rolling internal and finally cracked.

I'm very jealous @saraclara I'd love to go to Iran. The architecture looks incredible. I used to get the sucky-faced looks about a couple of places I'd been. And worse about places I'd like to go.

Worst place, by a country mile, LA. Give me Rwanda or Cambodia any day. If I'm bad and go to hell, it will be LA.

You know who makes it all good though? Other people who travel and live in places away from their homes. When they ask where I'm from and I ask where they're from and they say somewhere like Iran, Afghanistan, Syria, Yemen, Uzbekistan, Colombia and I say, "oh I'd love to go there, it looks stunning" and you see the guarded, sad look fall away because someone didn't make the same old bloody comment about war, or terrorism or crime. The whole world is full of lovely people and beautiful places.

I suppose we shouldn't actually tell people that though, keep the good stuff to ourselves and the people that live there.

I don't think you were rude at all. It sounds to me like you were showing an interest in the trip and it's not the same as asking a couple if they were having a Barney on holiday!

I mean on the face of it I can't understand the issue with the question, or her reaction to it.

OTOH if it was the first thing you asked and you're not office "friends" I can see how it might be taken negatively, depending on your tone.

But in general I don't think it's a big deal. Shrug it off. You can't please everyone.

When they ask where I'm from and I ask where they're from and they say somewhere like Iran, Afghanistan, Syria, Yemen, Uzbekistan, Colombia and I say, "oh I'd love to go there, it looks stunning" and you see the guarded, sad look fall away because someone didn't make the same old bloody comment about war, or terrorism or crime.

Oh SO much that @MrsTerryPratchett ! I've had the same conversations and the same reactions. I volunteer in an immigration detention centre, and talking with people with real interest in and positivity about their country has a great effect on them, especially if I've visited their country.

And when I was in Iran, all the friendly people who stopped me to chat, asked the same question. "What do you think about our country?" When I said that I loved it, their faces were wreathed in smiles. They know how their country is perceived abroad, and just having a western visitor loving the place gave them joy.

I often travel by myself for a couple of days or so for peace and quiet. It drives me mad when people look surprised, like there's something wrong with me.

I agree with this, people who don't travel just arent that interested in other peoples holidays. OP was making small talk, the colleagues taken it weirdly. Accusations of OP doing it for attention or because she is jealous are a stretch.

It is kind of weird to try to find a negative about someone's holiday.