Do rich people know that they have it better than a lot of other people?

[Deemarie11]

I just think this is really interesting Im in a book club. In the book club is the poshest man I've ever met. Let's call him alan. He has told me his back story. His father owns a massive, massive farm. His father is also a chief director of another organisation, at the same time.
Alan went to private school. Alan plays rugby. Alan has a good job.
He is a nice enough man. But what strikes me is he is always,always complaining about his life.
And his problems are so trivial - when I know myself and alot of other people in the book club, had a far, far worse life than he did. Yet he complains the most

For example, one time he was complaining about how his father didn't help him get a job, when other peoples parents help them to get a job.

I was thinking "I didn't have a father at all", but I didn't say it. My father walked out on us when I was 3 and had nothing to do with me. I bit my tongue!

Next week Alan was complaining about the private school that he went to.

I was thinking "I grew up in total poverty, I cant feel like shedding a tear about your private school".

I don't know. He just doesn't seem to realise that he had a better life than most people I know .

Maybe really privileged people are not aware of how privileged they are? As it is all they have ever known? But surely you would know that you are better off than other people.

Maybe he just doesn't care. ?

I don't think you can ever generalise about a whole group of people. There are many privileged people who are very aware of their privilege and work tirelessly to improve things for others, volunteering, fundraising, working in conservation etc.

There are other privileged people who have not always been so, and so are keenly aware of their position.

There are some who were born into privilege and have no concept of what it means to really struggle, who might seem insensitive but genuinely, they do not know what it is like to worry about bills etc. Their worries are very worrying to them. They are not any less distressed because someone else is having a hard time.

Everyone has their own struggles on some level. If you have lived a gilded life, you are not trouble free, just the troubling things are perhaps not things that would be very high on another person's priority list.

Plus, what is privileged? Someone can have a lot of money, a lot of opportunities but mental health so poor, they cannot make good use of them, or such low esteem etc. Money does not shield from being sexually abused, experiencing neglect, being bullied etc.

Being poor is hard as it can grind people down, it narrows choices, it is constant worry and is genuinely shit. However, that doesn't mean that everybody with money has a great life.

because you are complaining that someone you know has wealth and privilege and doesn't know it, but at the same time YOU have wealth and privilege and don't know it.

So your complaint is ironic

You're wrong. I never once said that I don't acknowledge that I'm privileged compared to the rest of the world.

If you look back you'll see I said that if I am around people from worse countries than mine, I most definitely would not complain about my life to them.

For example I was talking to a group of Ukrainian refugees recently. They were telling me terrible stories. I listened to them. There is no way I would even dream about complaining to them about my life, about my job.

I have empathy for them and I can read my audience.

I work in care and have cared for both very wealthy people and very poor people. Wealthy people love to say "money doesn't make you happy". Whilst this is true to a certain extent, it is said to shut down the very true point that life with money is so much easier, and it is easier to be happy when you're not worrying about where your next meal is coming from.

Anecdotally the poorest people I know are usually the most giving and more willing to help others. May I stress I said anecdotally as this is my limited view.

One thing I for sure know is that rich or poor, we all end up the same way. The rich and the poor service users all have me supporting them. And they can't take their matierial things with them. I am not rich in terms of money, but I am rich in friends and family which helps me get through hard times.

Oh my god. You are putting words in my mouth that I didn't say! I never said that! How can people just make up shit on here

I have said- I agree that ireland is more privileged than a lot of the world.

I have said more than once now, that if I am around people from poorer countries, that I do not complain about my life to them. Are you going to make up more stuff?

You're wrong. I never once said that I don't acknowledge that I'm privileged compared to the rest of the world.

You never said you did acknowledge it. Not once, despite being asked point blank, multiple times. You still haven’t said it. Your closest response so far was ‘sorry for not acknowledging my privilege to live in homeless shelters.’ So, no, you’re wrong.

If you look back you'll see I said that if I am around people from worse countries than mine, I most definitely would not complain about my life to them.

You have no idea where anyone you’re speaking to on this thread is from. You have no idea where I’m from. Yet you’re complaining to us.

I have empathy for them and I can read my audience.

From your comments on this thread, no you do not and no you cannot.

Some people just like to moan, it's not a competition of who has it worse, I can see why it's draining when someone who seems to have had an easy life is moaning about stuff that seems to be no big deal. To them it probably is though, that's life isn't it. The bigger issue is surely no one wants to hear that at a bloody book club. Someone will probably snap and tell him to shut up I expect.

The thing is - I think you should know your audience.
Complaining about your life to someone who is much worse off than you, is cruel.

There is a lady I know that comes to the meetup group. She is a Ukrainian lady living in a makeshift bedroom in a gym. She is away from a lot of her family.

I wouldn't dream about going to her and complaining about my life to her, as I know she is dealing with a huge amount of stress, and I am not an asshole.

Surely if you live in total privilege and you know others do not have as good a life as you, you should not complain as much. It makes you look like an asshole.

I remember one week Alan came in to the book club. His aunt has given him the use of her summer home. He complained about the summer home.

But just because Alan is a twerp it doesn't mean he represents everyone who is well off.

It sounds like Alan is just the type to complain about everything. Those people are tiresome, no matter what their background.

Are you the type of person that just looks for an argument?

Are you the type of person who cannot have a rational conversation and thus tries to derail and obfuscate?

If you have a rational response to any of the points above, I’m happy to hear it. But, I don’t think you do.

I’m not the one who claimed to be those things. You did, and you’re demonstrably not.

You think it’s ‘antagonistic and nasty’ when people hold you accountable for things you say, expect you to acknowledge your privilege and point out you’re doing exactly what you’re complaining about? You poor thing.

Does it make you feel good to refuse to engage with what’s said to you? It doesn’t seem to be bringing you much fulfilment.

"expect me to acknowledge my privilege".

Again you're making assumptions without asking a single question.

Are you expecting me to acknowledge Ireland's privilege?

But I haven't always lived in Ireland. I wasn't born in Ireland. I've lived in Ireland for the last five years.
Most people move around.

I was actually born in a much poorer country myself.

A friend once had a conversation with a young, junior member of the Tory party. He kept suggesting that she used her 'country house' for something; she told him several times that she only had the one house, in town. He got irritable with her as he clearly thought she was being deliberately misunderstanding him "You know - the house everyone has in the country!"

I am not the one who is laughable here. Again, you lack self awareness. And I’m ‘holding you accountable’ for the things you’ve said - it’s right there in the comment you’re replying to.

Your reading comprehension isn’t really my responsibility.

I asked you multiple questions. You didn’t answer them.

And the fact that you’ve moved around doesn’t impact on the points that I or other posters have made. Points to which you cannot and will not respond because they don’t fit your narrative of victimhood. You genuinely cannot have a rational conversation.

Actually, you’re currently in your 30’s. So, how can you have only lived in Ireland for five years, if you lived in homeless shelters in Ireland growing up?

There’s a question.

@IMissVino

Right, but also write in an extremely weird manner isn’t juvenile. Again, you lack self awareness, you are inconsistent and the things you say are irrational. I suspect your life is…complicated.

You can stop engaging at any point. I’m certainly not making you.

Because I lived in Ireland for a couple of years when I was a child as well.

I was born in another country. Some of my mothers cousin's moved to Ireland, when I was a child, so she moved to Ireland for a couple of years as well.
It didn't work out well for her, and for a period of time ( not all of the time) we lived in a homeless shelter in Ireland. As Ireland didn't work out well for her, she then moved us to another country.

She moved back to Ireland when she was much older, and I moved back to Ireland a couple of years ago, as my mother is here.

I'm out - you have lost all credibility now. You are so totally blind to your own privilege that you have to resort to insulting the writing style of people who have engaged with you to discuss this issue - which YOU raised!

And no, this poster is not writing in a weird manner, at all, and even if they were, you don't win any argument by attacking the way someone has expressed themselves