Do rich people know that they have it better than a lot of other people?

[Deemarie11]

I just think this is really interesting Im in a book club. In the book club is the poshest man I've ever met. Let's call him alan. He has told me his back story. His father owns a massive, massive farm. His father is also a chief director of another organisation, at the same time.
Alan went to private school. Alan plays rugby. Alan has a good job.
He is a nice enough man. But what strikes me is he is always,always complaining about his life.
And his problems are so trivial - when I know myself and alot of other people in the book club, had a far, far worse life than he did. Yet he complains the most

For example, one time he was complaining about how his father didn't help him get a job, when other peoples parents help them to get a job.

I was thinking "I didn't have a father at all", but I didn't say it. My father walked out on us when I was 3 and had nothing to do with me. I bit my tongue!

Next week Alan was complaining about the private school that he went to.

I was thinking "I grew up in total poverty, I cant feel like shedding a tear about your private school".

I don't know. He just doesn't seem to realise that he had a better life than most people I know .

Maybe really privileged people are not aware of how privileged they are? As it is all they have ever known? But surely you would know that you are better off than other people.

Maybe he just doesn't care. ?

My friend was round last night complaining ‘we could afford to pay off our mortgage now but he wants to leave it in other investments’ (wealth from inheritance). Meanwhile we will be working hard to pay off our mortgage for another 28 years… made me feel like shit tbh. People just don’t think sometimes.

Yeah people really don't think sometimes.

People complain especially when they are sad, unhappy, that can happen to anyone regardless of riches.

It seems he sees your book club members as friend's, even if you don't. Perhaps he is also lonely?

It's just the basic money can't buy happiness, can't give you peace or contentment.

I don't think he is rubbing his privilege in your face deliberately, he genuinely feels his problems are important.

I said your reading comprehension isn’t my issue (after you insulted my writing), this is a fact.

I said you lack self awareness, which is also a fact. You have insulted me pretty consistently over several comments and are complaining about being ‘belittled’; you have been unable to take any criticism, but then write You love belittling and pointing out negative traits in others don't you. So you should be able to accept other people pointing out your negative traits, yes.?

I think you should look in the mirror.

I would suggest you dig deep for kindness, intelligence, and the ability to have a rational adult conversation. (Also, honesty, as you are yet to explain how you grew up homeless in Ireland but have also only lived there five years.) I have no desire to be kind to someone like you.

This clearly isn’t going anywhere, so I’m going to ignore you, now. Feel free to continue foaming at the mouth.

I've lost all credibility? Because you, a completely random stranger, say that I have?

That is arrogant of you. I'm very glad "you're out". As you say

This is not than airport , you don't have to announce your departure.

Yes.

I think people complain. I complain about my lovely stone built farmhouse, associated holiday cottage and steadings. Old buildings throw up problems, living rurally causes issues with tradesmen they are often friends of friends which makes calling them on fleecing you/ shoddy work / long delays really awkward.

The trick is to moan at people in a similar position so you can commiserate each other with gin and know you are not alone. Alan’s problem is failing to understand his audience.

I’m from a well off family and of course I aware. I feel very badly for people who have less and I try to help where I can.

not going to lie I’ve been overspending on Xmas gifts etc and it does make me feel horrible guilty sometimes.

You sound chippy to be honest - almost everyone I know is richer than me, or has more disposable
income, more holidays - that is to say any holiday is more tbh - and it doesn’t bother me.

There’s always someone worse off and many many people better off than me. Why do you let it bother you? I’ve celebrated my friends’ paying off their mortgages or buying a ski chalet for cash or new indoor pools or whatever. And commiserated with them when they’ve expressed upset over things in their life that are hard, large or small.

Their lives and luck don’t affect my self esteem or mood.

Good for you. So was I. I’m not western by birth, and I only moved to the west because of war. That doesn’t mean that I deem myself to be worthy of special consideration by people dealing with their own problems. It’s not all about me, or indeed you. He may well be a bore, but it’s not a race to the bottom to determine who has supreme moaning privileges. If you don’t want to hear it from him then bow out the conversation.

as substantial as my ego may be, I’d be fucking cringing if my response to someone else having a moan would be to not only feel sorry for myself, but to dress it as a virtue.

Sorry, @Deemarie11 , but your mistake was to make a generalisation about a whole group of people on the basis of your experience of one. It is possible that Alan is just spoilt and self-centred, but that’s just Alan. Sweeping generalisations are never a good idea.

HNRTT but how do many people develop resilience? Self-awareness? The ability to read a room?

Some people are chronic complainers.
I mean I know 2 of them and its draining to listen to them, they dont even start with 'how are you'... it starts and ends with complaints.

One of them is so comfortable in her life , she has time and money to complain that others dont treat her as she deserves , basically she thinks she is the Queen of England and should be treated like one. If people scoff, she then moves to abuse, calling them bitches and cows in a low tone when they pass by.

I am not talking about if they have the right or not. Basically I am compassionate but there is a threshold for me... I just get away if they make me a dumping site esp when their complaints are narc-y in nature, me me and more me.

Yes.

Bridget Jones said something like, Happiness is aiming for achievable goals.

While not wanting to sound all “poor people are so lucky” people brought up with lots of money can often lack….something. A sense of purpose.
There’s probably a middle ground of “enough” which allows both comfort/security and a goal to aim for.

and like @forlornlorna1 said, both dont have any empathy towards others. One complaint from your side... you can see t go above them... and then they quickly change the topic to their complaints.

I came from a third world tropical country . Yes I have had a better life here and I am greatful to this generous country.
However, I have noticed that people here complain A LOT more than back home. Just generally more vocal about they being unhappy for something. Also, there was a difference when I used to work in London and ourside. My collegues in London complained more than my collegues in other office.

I am just wondering why.. not sure of what goes on.. may be when we are more comfortable the mind becomes more of a devils workshop...

I think people DO complain a lot in the UK. It’s one of the things I find really hard about living here.