Do rich people know that they have it better than a lot of other people?

[Deemarie11]

I just think this is really interesting Im in a book club. In the book club is the poshest man I've ever met. Let's call him alan. He has told me his back story. His father owns a massive, massive farm. His father is also a chief director of another organisation, at the same time.
Alan went to private school. Alan plays rugby. Alan has a good job.
He is a nice enough man. But what strikes me is he is always,always complaining about his life.
And his problems are so trivial - when I know myself and alot of other people in the book club, had a far, far worse life than he did. Yet he complains the most

For example, one time he was complaining about how his father didn't help him get a job, when other peoples parents help them to get a job.

I was thinking "I didn't have a father at all", but I didn't say it. My father walked out on us when I was 3 and had nothing to do with me. I bit my tongue!

Next week Alan was complaining about the private school that he went to.

I was thinking "I grew up in total poverty, I cant feel like shedding a tear about your private school".

I don't know. He just doesn't seem to realise that he had a better life than most people I know .

Maybe really privileged people are not aware of how privileged they are? As it is all they have ever known? But surely you would know that you are better off than other people.

Maybe he just doesn't care. ?

If you think living conditions in Ireland are comparable to the South Sudan or other hugely deprived countries, you are genuinely clueless. Which feeds into what was said above about awareness of privilege and just basically giving a shit. Perhaps stop whingeing about Alan and do some introspection and self improvement.

You clearly have access to the internet. Use it and educate yourself.

MN is full of forelock tuggers, so offended if anyone suggests those born to wealth might be unaware of their privilege. But it illustrates why British people (or the English at least) are so in thrall to anyone with a plummy accent. And why they're addicted to the Tories.

Yes there definitely are homeless children in Ireland.

I volunteered in a homeless charity in ireland. They ran an emergency accomodation centre.
. Mother's and children were staying there in not very good conditions.

Who mentioned South Sudan? I didn't say anything about it. You did.

OP
The thing is - I know that he had a life that was twenty times better than all the other people in the book club(they have told me about their lives once or twice)

You can't possibly know that though. He had more money but you can not know what challenges he has faced. You are just as guilty as being oblivious to what other problems people may have had than you are accusing him of.

Having plenty of cash is definitely a massive positive in peoples lives but it doesn't mean they don't have big challenges too.

No, I did not. You responded to a poster pointing out that Ireland isn’t comparable to South Sudan…by informing them that there is homelessness in Ireland. I responded to that. All comments are still available, so please refer to them if you’re bemused.

At no point have you acknowledged your own privilege. Not once. I’ll repeat myself. Which feeds into what was said above about awareness of privilege and just basically giving a shit. Perhaps stop whingeing about Alan and do some introspection and self improvement.

He does know that our lives were a lot worse than his, as we have spoke to him about it before. Yet he still moans and complains.

Sometimes I do think that rich people do this to be a bit cruel.

It's like: look how much I have compared to you, I know you had a way worse life than me, I have so much that you'll never have, that I can even complain about what I have in front of you, to really rub it in to you.

I was at a meetup group last week. There were two Ukrainian women there. They were talking to me about escapin Ukraine to save themselves from missiles, and about their harrowing journey across Europe.

What if I did an Alan and started to complain to them about my well paid job? That my job was stressful . Even though I knew that they had been through much worse. I would be a dickhead.

I do know.

I have met his parents. They are absolutely lovely. He has an aunt that spoils him too. She gives him her summer home to use every summer. He has a lovely loving caring family. He was also extremely wealthy.

I know other people in the book club had terrible families and experience of poverty.

Yet he complains all the time and they don't.

Other people in the book club are fed up of him too

Sorry. I didn't acknowledge my own privilege of living in homeless shelters when I was young.

Again, for the fifth time I did not compare Ireland to South Sudan.

Someone said "Ireland is not south Sudan".

I never said it was. I just wanted to talk about all the terrible poverty I have witnessed in Ireland. I just happened to click on the "Ireland is no south Sudan" post to reply to. So can we seperate the two. I agree Ireland is not comparable to South Sudan and I never ever said it was.

You dont seem to realise not everyone has the same wealth and privilege as you. YOu dont seem to realise that other people are poor

What sort of book club is this? This is getting a bit ridiculous, now.

You have met his entire family and know his full life story and that of everyone else in book club (they don’t complain all the time, but you know they’ve had terrible families and experienced poverty - the information has been transferred to you via osmosis)? You’re in a position to fully assess the lives of all of these people and declare parents ‘absolutely lovely’ on the basis of what, exactly?

All this while refusing to engage with your own privilege and repeating things like ‘he didn’t board, he was a day student’ like a mantra. As if that means anything.

You clearly have a massive chip on your shoulder. If I were in this (very special) book club, suspect that the person I’d be fed up with would be you.

You said "at no point have you acknowledged your own privilege"

Sorry I didn't acknowledge my own privilege of living in homeless shelters when I was young and not having enough to eat, in Ireland.

Sorry I forgot to acknowledge that privilege.

This is why I volunteer in homeless shelters now, as I have never forgotten how terrible that experience was.

Alan appears to be telling you that his life is and has been unhappy. You don't seem to believe him. Other people in your group have at other times told you their life is or has been unhappy. You believe them.

Why?

It appears you are making a judgement call based on your own innate stereotypes, prejudice and snobbery

This is discrimination

Eh what? I've said that I grew up poor and lived in homeless shelters growing up.we didn't have enough to eat a lot of the time Why are you saying I have wealth and privilege?

Of course we all know each other. This is a very small town in Ireland. There are only three meetups groups and one book club.

I've met his parents at other clubs/events

This is not a big city in the UK.

Are you for real ? Batshit.

If we want a race to the bottom, I never achieved the dizzy height of a place in a homeless shelter as a teen, and slept rough.

So what, you and I are enormously privileged right now.

How do I know? Both of us are indoors, under shelter, with access to electricity and the leisure time to chat on Mumsnet. If you didn't have access to sanitation, that is what you would be working on, not social media.

Yet you feel you have the right to discriminate, judge and sneer at someone telling you they are unhappy, and call them "privileged"

It seems that if you’re rich you can whinge to your heart’s content. If you’re not, you should check your privilege and listen in sympathetic silence to avoid a race to the bottom. On no account tell your own story.
I give up.

Now you’re being disingenuous. That entire conversation was about relative privilege to other countries.

PP: it’s all relative, you’re better off than people in many countries.

You: I’m not in the U.K.

PP: You’re in Ireland, so the point holds. Considerably more privileged than the South Sudan.

You: Ireland has lots of poverty.

Me: It’s still considerably more privileged than the South Sudan.

You: I never compared it to South Sudan. I’m sorry I didn’t acknowledge my privilege of living in shelters.

Wow that is heartless. You are an Alan.

Surely people should have some sympathy for their audience.

Like I wouldn't go up to Ukrainian refugees here , and start complaining about my life.

I wouldn't go into the homeless shelter I volunteer in, and complain about my life. I know these people currently have worse lives than me. I have empathy and I am not heartless.

I also meant to say I agree with you there. @MissHavishamsMouldyOldCake

My dad and step dad were both sent off to boarding prep schools at 7/8. I think they have every right to complain about the experience, it sounded horrific.

Your childhood sounds awful and I’m sorry you experienced that. However, it doesn’t change the fact that you are still privileged compared to a lot of the world.

The fact that you cannot and will not acknowledge that, regardless of how many times it’s explained to you, is exactly what you’re accusing ‘rich people’ of doing. They have their problems, you think they’re unaware of or don’t care about yours. As has been said above, privilege and the lack thereof are always relative.

I think at all income levels, there will always be people who are never happy however much they have, wherever they go or whatever they do, as wherever they escape to they always have themselves!

However some more wealthy people have got there because they value and prioritise money, and getting and obtaining more and keeping money is what they do. I'm sure they know they are better off than others but it will never be enough for them.

On the other hand there are people who count their blessings and are happy with what they have. Most of us are probably somewhere in the middle with a grass being greener thing from time to time.

Honestly, right back at you.