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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU: Work colleague taking the p***

162 replies

Banana2621 · 15/11/2022 16:01

So - I am normally a very sympathetic person but feeling really annoyed by a co-worker who is off sick. We can't help being ill I know that and he will be off for at least another 4 weeks. During that time we have a team lunch to celebrate Christmas. He said he was looking forward to joining us for lunch so I asked when he was due back to work and he said he will wait and see what the doctors say when he goes back in 3 weeks!
AIBU about this? Feeling really annoyed. We are all trying to pick up the slack which is hard work but we are busy. I am not expecting him to come back until he is fit but I certainly would not be able to attend a lunch while off sick! I'm really worried it will naff it up for us in future. Maybe its just me I don't know.
Thoughts please

OP posts:
Cashelmara · 15/11/2022 16:04

I was off sick from work for a very long time whilst being treated for cancer. I went to my work Xmas lunch. Didn't mean I was any less sick or could have returned to work.
You don't know what's going on with him.

Itloggedmeoutagain · 15/11/2022 16:05

So they're not allowed to leave the house?
Not allowed to eat?

evilharpy · 15/11/2022 16:05

Depends on what he's off for I guess? I was off for quite a while end of last year and early this year for a physical problem requiring surgery. I might have managed an hour or two for lunch if heavily drugged and if someone drove me there and I was able to get up and pace around. And I'd have loved to go and see everyone as I was bored off my tits. Can't imagine anyone would have had an issue with it.

Merryoldgoat · 15/11/2022 16:06

It depends on what he’s unwell with.

evilharpy · 15/11/2022 16:07

Cashelmara · 15/11/2022 16:04

I was off sick from work for a very long time whilst being treated for cancer. I went to my work Xmas lunch. Didn't mean I was any less sick or could have returned to work.
You don't know what's going on with him.

Good point - in a previous role a colleague was off for a long time with breast cancer. She lived locally and used to come and meet us for lunch sometimes.

PickAgain · 15/11/2022 16:07

You really don’t sound like a sympathetic person.

MrsPnut · 15/11/2022 16:08

I had 16 months off for cancer treatment and in that time, I came into work once a month. I attended the Christmas lunch and made cakes to bring in for a retirement and a maternity farewell.

Thank goodness my colleagues were just really pleased to see me and it helped me feel like I was still part of the team.

SleeplessInEngland · 15/11/2022 16:08

With this my answer is always the same: what has your boss done to mitigate the workload that colleague left behind on others? Because that's the boss's problem.

AuntieEntity · 15/11/2022 16:12

SleeplessInEngland · 15/11/2022 16:08

With this my answer is always the same: what has your boss done to mitigate the workload that colleague left behind on others? Because that's the boss's problem.

This. It's not your colleague's fault if his workload isn't being managed properly in his absence.

donquixotedelamancha · 15/11/2022 16:13

I certainly would not be able to attend a lunch while off sick!

Why? Lots of illnesses, such as mental health issues, would enable you to manage a lunch but not full time employment.

what has your boss done to mitigate the workload that colleague left behind on others? Because that's the boss's problem.

This. You colleague is in no way responsible for your workload by being ill.

Cowardlytiger · 15/11/2022 16:15

It’s very clear that the level of wellness required to attend a 2 hour lunch is not the same as the level of wellness required to manage a day at work and whatever that involves in your colleague’s role. It’s likely to be good for them to come to your Christmas lunch, whether they’re off with a physical or mental health problem, and hopefully will help them feel still part of the team and encouraged about coming back.

fairycakes1234 · 15/11/2022 16:15

yea i would feel the same way, if you're not well and can't work, don't go to work functions.

Oblomov22 · 15/11/2022 16:17

Direct your anger towards your boss who has put nothing in place to pick up the slack of the employee off sick.

UnderHisPie · 15/11/2022 16:17

Fucking hell.

purplecorkheart · 15/11/2022 16:18

I think your issue is with your boss rather than colleague. A friend of mine is out with illness and will be for a long time. She might manage to attend a work lunch but probably would have to spend the next two or three recovering.

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 15/11/2022 16:20

I worked with someone who had a procedure and she was embarrassed to be in the shopping centre whilst off work- but she had literally gotten ready, come out and was going home to rest. She wasn't hoovering or doing any housework and could barely hold the hairdryer for her hair. I was disappointed she thought so little of us that she'd be embarrassed and that we wouldn't understand.

Firefly86 · 15/11/2022 16:21

I'm currently off sick after having cancer treatment. I met some colleagues for lunch yesterday. I'm able to get out and about but no way I'm able for a 5 day working week.

As others have said, depends on the illness.

And BTW, I'd be doing no one any favours if I went back to work now. The quality of my work would be questionable as I just don't have the mental or physical energy for it.

VioletLemon · 15/11/2022 16:23

Since you have no understanding of the reason for your colleagues absence you'd be well advised to keep your judgemental aspersions to yourself.
Since most organisations have to support employees within very clear Health, Safety and Well being at work laws managers and HR have to encourage the good well being of all, including those off sick. It's none of your buswhy he's off but he could be mentally ill, suicidal, getting treatment for agoraphobia or loneliness, may have been sectioned and in hospital. People are very, very good at masking serious mental health issues which is why it often comes as a surprise that they have been severely unwell.
I hope you never know what that feels like.

hugznotdrugz · 15/11/2022 16:25

I went to a staff Christmas lunch while on a MH section 🤷‍♀️ there's all kinds of reason for being off- it doesn't mean he has to hide away at home

Ocampa · 15/11/2022 16:27

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Doughnutmum · 15/11/2022 16:30

I’m off work with depression. I’ve been off for months which is probably very annoying for my colleagues but in that time have needed an admission to hospital and two courses of ECT. Would absolutely love to be back but have been repeatedly told by psychiatrist/ CPN that I’m not well enough. Whilst they’ve simultaneously been encouraging me to get out and and see friends for lunch (not that I’ve managed that!) because that will
help me get better. So it’s absolutely possible to be fit for lunch but unfit for work due to a wide variety of illnesses, physical and mental. And attitudes like this are genuinely damaging to people - I already feel horribly guilty and this sort of thing makes it so much worse.

ABJ100 · 15/11/2022 16:30

Yanbu, fine for him to go out but to attend the lunch is a rub in the face for those left to pick up his slack. This is MN so you'll be told yabu, rl people will be pissed off.

ABJ100 · 15/11/2022 16:33

Doughnutmum · 15/11/2022 16:30

I’m off work with depression. I’ve been off for months which is probably very annoying for my colleagues but in that time have needed an admission to hospital and two courses of ECT. Would absolutely love to be back but have been repeatedly told by psychiatrist/ CPN that I’m not well enough. Whilst they’ve simultaneously been encouraging me to get out and and see friends for lunch (not that I’ve managed that!) because that will
help me get better. So it’s absolutely possible to be fit for lunch but unfit for work due to a wide variety of illnesses, physical and mental. And attitudes like this are genuinely damaging to people - I already feel horribly guilty and this sort of thing makes it so much worse.

Yes fine to go to lunch, but with the same people that are picking up your workload?

Doughnutmum · 15/11/2022 16:36

Yes. I’m also a doctor and - if colleagues are supportive - spending time with them and having social contact with them makes it easier for people to get back into the workplace after absence. So as a clinician I’d absolutely support this. Not if all their colleagues are unsupportive and cross with them though….

xogossipgirlxo · 15/11/2022 16:36

"I clearly remember being told that it's idiotic that "x" was home so long for something that sounded mild (stress? I don't remember). The truth was that "X" was a victim of a very aggressive assault where he and his wife were severely beaten and both raped by up to five men, but he didn't want to tell his colleagues and boss that. He didn't want to talk about it unless with a professional. Good call, people always ask more questions than you want to answer."

Dear God... 😳