AIBU: Work colleague taking the p***

[Banana2621]

So - I am normally a very sympathetic person but feeling really annoyed by a co-worker who is off sick. We can't help being ill I know that and he will be off for at least another 4 weeks. During that time we have a team lunch to celebrate Christmas. He said he was looking forward to joining us for lunch so I asked when he was due back to work and he said he will wait and see what the doctors say when he goes back in 3 weeks!
AIBU about this? Feeling really annoyed. We are all trying to pick up the slack which is hard work but we are busy. I am not expecting him to come back until he is fit but I certainly would not be able to attend a lunch while off sick! I'm really worried it will naff it up for us in future. Maybe its just me I don't know.
Thoughts please

It's not doughnuts mums fault about workload. She's sick. She can't do her job as a result. Should she be ashamed and not see her colleagues which may also be her friends? How will that help her recovery?

Say you're a truck driver. You break your arm so can't drive the truck. Do you believe said truck driver should be banned from Christmas event?

My point is that it is extremely rare for disciplinary action following sickness to be appropriate. The default is: if an employee reports that they are sick, then they are sick.

It is up to managers to have contingency plans for managing sickness absences, these should be in place even before any absence takes place. Because - shocker! - human beings are liable to getting sick.

And could the outdated assumption please be once and for all abandoned, that mental health conditions are in any way less genuine than physical conditions. I have had both of these and would not wish either on anyone.

Gods these threads are annoying. OP lobs in a grenade about long term sick then slopes off to watch the fallout (or take notes for journos).

'Thoughts please'. Nah, it'd get me banned.

It’s none of you bloody business. I hate people like you. If you feel your work is piling up or have too much speak to your manager.

Agree you shouldn’t really be carrying much extra load as your boss should have organised some sort of cover. Also I agree it depends what he is off sick with. If he is actually ‘feeling poorly’ then he likely doesn’t want to come to the lunch and is just being polite!!! You sound really aggravating and I’d be annoyed at you for either contacting me whilst I was off sick or for banging on about an Xmas meal when I wasn’t deemed well enough to even come to work. Why do you care so much about the Xmas meal? It’s a bit odd. Most people don’t like forced fun with colleagues… if you do, I would suggest you are in the minority. The ‘missed workload’ is your bosses problem and shouldn’t be on the rest of you. X

I certainly would not be able to attend a lunch while off sick!

Surely it depends on why you are off sick?

There are various sick leave reasons which may mean you are unable to do a full day's work but you can manage a couple of hours lunch, especially during the recuperation period. In fact for some illnesses to get out for a brief period of time during the day may be part of the treatment plan.

Yes fine to go to lunch, but with the same people that are picking up your workload?

Depends on the colleagues.
If my colleague is off having long term treatment and I am having to pick up the pieces then its not my colleague I am cross with. It would be my employer for not putting sufficient cover staff in place.
One colleague has just been off for several months due to a serious injury. We, as a staff team, were delighted the colleague could join us for a lunch earlier in the year. Their partner brought them, they stayed for a couple of hours, and then they left to rest. Not one person that I know of was upset that the colleague dared leave the house to meet with us!

@DrManhattan This person clearly isn't "chucking a sickie". You have no idea what's wrong with them and with that level of sick leave they'd need medical certification.

People can be too sick to do their job but not too sick to go for lunch. See my other post re truck driver with broken arm. No reason he can't go for lunch. Every reason he can't drive a truck.

FFS.

Maybe its just me I don't know.

Yes, it's just you. If your manager can't manage, take that up with your manager and don't blame your colleague. You too sick to work is not the same thing as being on deaths door. I feel sorry for your colleague who shared his hopes to be able to have lunch with people he likes with a colleague who clearly has no respect for him and his situation. He probably thinks you are a nice person. How wrong he is.

That was disgusting @Swampthing55, I am really sorry you experienced that. Now THERE'S an employee (your colleague) who should have faced disciplinary action.

Is the OP coming back?...

YABVU by the way OP. How exactly would you think it could ever 'naff it up' for anyone else being off sick in the future?

I certainly would not be able to attend a lunch while off sick!

How do you know if the lunch isn’t until at least 3 weeks time?

Surely you would wait and see like he said.

No. Depends on the reason you’re off sick.

I am not expecting him to come back until he is fit but I certainly would not be able to attend a lunch while off sick!

I don't understand how you could possibly know this?

I'm really worried it will naff it up for us in future

What will naff what up in future?

I am not expecting him to come back until he is fit but I certainly would not be able to attend a lunch while off sick!

And you know this how? I mean unless you actual job is eating lunch all day every day then it should be quite different to working, no?

This is a management problem, not your colleague's problem.

I had a colleague slagging off another for her sickness record. Her sickness was entirely appropriate and I wouldn’t have wished her situation on anyone but the fact people were slagging her off without the details was horrible. It was not for me to justify it but as a senior manager I made it clear that it’s important to remember she doesn’t know the details and it’s none of her business but I can provide reassurance colleagues is not skiving if that’s helpful.

@Banana2621 not sure you're coming back given everyone is giving you the answer you didn't want to hear. Glad most MNtters not like you. You're not only being unreasonable, you're being utterly horrible. How dare you persecute and exclude someone for being ill. Ill-health should result in sympathy and empathy not your attitude. I'd rather be well and working than sick and at home.

I am a manager, who has in the past been off sick with cancer and I currently have a member of staff off long term.
It's fine for everyone to say - management need to sort it, but that's very difficult if you have finite resource and a recruitment freeze. You may have to spread staff thinner, or ask people to cover work they don't like.
I would have no issue at all with my staff member coming to our Xmas meal. I know she'd love to be well enough to work and how awful it is being unwell.

I had spinal surgery 4 weeks ago I am still signed off for a further two because my spine is still recovering and to sit at a desk for eight hours a day would not be positive to my long term health. I am however, out and about walking and going about daily life everyday because my recovery requires me to be as active as possible.

I have met friends for lunch on a couple of occasions.

My recovery would take far far longer if I had stayed in bed for a month and a half.

You are being entirely unreasonable to blame a staff member who is following doctors orders based on the optimum recovery time for their problem.

Fucking hell fire. Just when you think you've heard it before. Can't believe 30 odd % of people agree with you. Bastards

In my old job, out of a team of 10, some colleague was disabled and the other was pregnant.

It's so weird how the team dynamic changed from dinners together/constant group chats to the rest of the team having zero patience for the people who were off. There was definitely a "FFS X needs to get back to work and sort their work out, why do I have to?" attitude which is a bit sad

It was 100% a badly managed office

There's a difference between being well enough to go out and well enough to work,especially if it is strenuous work, unless it's Covid or something else that's horribly infectious.

I'm recovering from knee surgery and unable to work (ward based nurse) and will be unable to return for another 3 weeks. However, I could hobble on my elbow crutches into a restaurant and sit down for a meal, pain relief allowing.

You are being judgemental and unrealistic.

Completely depends in the situation....I've been off signed sick....couldn't have done a days work.....but managed a staff lunch

It is worth pointing out that some of that behaviour could meet the definition of workplace harassment, which is specifically unlawful where the treatment is due to a protected characteristic (in this case, pregnancy/maternity and disability).

I agree that only a badly managed workplace would tolerate that behaviour as the employer could well find themselves in trouble under the Equality Act.

Good god, have some empathy- one day it could be you. Or get a new job, this is on your management.

I've been sick off work, and likewise helped colleagues when they couldn't come in.

Or you could just seize them warmly by the throat at the lunch and yodel that they are a work shy pisstaker