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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU: Work colleague taking the p***

162 replies

Banana2621 · 15/11/2022 16:01

So - I am normally a very sympathetic person but feeling really annoyed by a co-worker who is off sick. We can't help being ill I know that and he will be off for at least another 4 weeks. During that time we have a team lunch to celebrate Christmas. He said he was looking forward to joining us for lunch so I asked when he was due back to work and he said he will wait and see what the doctors say when he goes back in 3 weeks!
AIBU about this? Feeling really annoyed. We are all trying to pick up the slack which is hard work but we are busy. I am not expecting him to come back until he is fit but I certainly would not be able to attend a lunch while off sick! I'm really worried it will naff it up for us in future. Maybe its just me I don't know.
Thoughts please

OP posts:
sillysmiles · 15/11/2022 16:38

Yes fine to go to lunch, but with the same people that are picking up your workload?
Her workload is not her responsibility while she is off - it is the responsibility of the company/manager to deal with.

Jedsnewstar · 15/11/2022 16:49

You are not picking up his work. It’s not his work anymore for however long he is off. Your bosses should be covering that with other temp staff/agency. I would be wary of covering too much slack for others as when you ‘cope’ they don’t reward it, they just think well x y z can do that and save us another wage. The odd few tasks ok but not someone’s whole full time job.

Either way you don’t know why he is off and it’s really not your business. Covid or something you can catch fair enough he shouldn’t go. However working and a lunch hour or two are massively different. Plus it’s a good way to keep in the loop for his return.

fruitbrewhaha · 15/11/2022 16:49

Jesus, so if you're off sick you have to stay cooped up at home in your sickbed? And yet we know for mental health the best thing is to get out and about, see people etc. You are being very unsympathetic.

If your workload is an issue, you have to raise it with management, they need to take on an extra pair of hands

PearlclutchersInc · 15/11/2022 16:54

If the rest of you are picking up the slack (and can't cope) speak to your management team rather than take it out on your colleague. A lunch is totally different from a week's work 🙄

Goldpaw · 15/11/2022 16:55

I went to my works Christmas Party when I was off sick. I managed the meal then had to go home as it had tired me out. Loads of people were pleased to see me (or maybe not!!) This was nearing the end of me being off for five months in total.

The workload was my boss's problem during that time, not mine.

Livingtothefull · 15/11/2022 16:57

No I'm afraid you do not sound at all like a sympathetic person. Really, how dare you make the assumption that your work colleague is 'taking the '*'? You are not privy to the reason for him being sick, though if he is off for that length of time it is likely to be something major.

I hope that if you should be ill in the future, your colleagues are much more supportive of your recovery than you are being now. Attending the party is likely to support him by maintaining the workplace connection during his absence - provided his colleagues support him anyway. And if you are feeling resentful about your workload during his absence I suggest you take it up with your bosses as they are entirely responsible for that.

MsCactus · 15/11/2022 16:57

Banana2621 · 15/11/2022 16:01

So - I am normally a very sympathetic person but feeling really annoyed by a co-worker who is off sick. We can't help being ill I know that and he will be off for at least another 4 weeks. During that time we have a team lunch to celebrate Christmas. He said he was looking forward to joining us for lunch so I asked when he was due back to work and he said he will wait and see what the doctors say when he goes back in 3 weeks!
AIBU about this? Feeling really annoyed. We are all trying to pick up the slack which is hard work but we are busy. I am not expecting him to come back until he is fit but I certainly would not be able to attend a lunch while off sick! I'm really worried it will naff it up for us in future. Maybe its just me I don't know.
Thoughts please

I'm heavily pregnant and I can't stand or walk for more than a few minutes at a time.

I definitely couldn't manage a day at the office - currently WFH - but I am managing the odd coffee/lunch with friends (if I get a taxi there, back, sit the whole time, keep it short and accept I'll be in a lot of pain and discomfort). I then have to lie down for a couple of hours when I get in to recover.

You're being unreasonable and don't seem to understand what long term sick leave is like. It's awful. I'm sure he'd rather be able to be healthy, back at work and well like you are.

MelchiorsMistress · 15/11/2022 16:57

I had six weeks off work when my DH died and my colleagues had to work much harder to cover for me. I went out for dinner with many of them while I was still off because oddly enough, I was able to be around friends who were looking after me even though I wouldn’t have been capable of being professional and doing my job properly.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 15/11/2022 16:58

You're "... not expecting him to come back until he is fit."

How big of you. It's good that you posted here rather than spout off at work. You need to pipe down. If the workload is too great then let your manager know, other than that, none of your business at all.

Babysharkdoodoodood · 15/11/2022 16:59

Cashelmara · 15/11/2022 16:04

I was off sick from work for a very long time whilst being treated for cancer. I went to my work Xmas lunch. Didn't mean I was any less sick or could have returned to work.
You don't know what's going on with him.

I went to my works' Xmas lunch with drains still in from mastectomy Grin ( in a nice bag)

I'd arranged the whole thing and was NOT going to miss it!

xogossipgirlxo · 15/11/2022 17:01

Goldpaw · 15/11/2022 16:55

I went to my works Christmas Party when I was off sick. I managed the meal then had to go home as it had tired me out. Loads of people were pleased to see me (or maybe not!!) This was nearing the end of me being off for five months in total.

The workload was my boss's problem during that time, not mine.

We had one work colleague like you. It was so nice to meet her at Christmas do, especially that she left after being off sick for so long, so we didn't even get a chance to say goodbye to her.

Fairyliz · 15/11/2022 17:02

SleeplessInEngland · 15/11/2022 16:08

With this my answer is always the same: what has your boss done to mitigate the workload that colleague left behind on others? Because that's the boss's problem.

Whilst I agree with this has anyone actually had a boss who has done anything?
Even if your boss is willing to employ a temp, where do you find someone with the necessary experience/ skills, knowledge of the business/staff/building, who won’t need weeks of induction, but is also available exactly when you want them for an unspecified amount of time?
In 44 years of working I find generally they don’t replace people off sick, or you get a temp who is useless and you can see why they don’t have a permanent job.

lieselotte · 15/11/2022 17:03

It does amaze me that people are so clueless about this. Or maybe they lack imagination. I don't, so I can imagine that people find it harder when ill to do a job (whether full time hours or not) than they do to attend a two hour Christmas lunch. Or indeed that it is easier for them to do a 30 minute supermarket shop than work. Being out when ill doesn't mean that you are swinging the lead.

Sigh.

lieselotte · 15/11/2022 17:04

where do you find someone with the necessary experience/ skills, knowledge of the business/staff/building

Well schools and medical facilities take on supply and locums at short notice (if they can afford to these days), but I agree it would be difficult in a lot of jobs.

user1471538283 · 15/11/2022 17:04

Your line manager needs to sort out the workload. Whether your colleague feel well enough to come to the lunch is not your concern. Your manager managing is.

Allergictoironing · 15/11/2022 17:04

I was off for many months with a very badly broken leg that refused to mend. There was no way I could have walked to the station, got the train, walked at the other end, done a full day in the office & then done the journey in reverse once, let alone 5 days a week. This was many years ago, and WFH was not an option.

However my father very kindly agreed to take a day off to drive me to a works meal and take me home a couple of hours later. Was that taking the piss?

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 15/11/2022 17:08

you get a temp who is useless and you can see why they don’t have a permanent job

I temped for years, usually sorting out the mess a company had got themselves into, and I spent a lot of time wondering how some of the people I worked with managed to keep permanent jobs.

trampoline123 · 15/11/2022 17:10

Ugh! None of your business why he is signed off for work. He's allowed out the house and it's a nice way for him to stay in touch with the team. No doubt you'll be at the end of a table bitching about him and making him feel uncomfortable.

Your company should help manage your workload.

balalake · 15/11/2022 17:10

My response would very much depend on the illness, assuming I knew what it was.

Eek3under3 · 15/11/2022 17:12

I went on holiday when I was signed off with stress after my dd1 died. My boss encouraged it.

DrManhattan · 15/11/2022 17:14

It actually depends on if they are ill or just taking the piss. I have worked with people who have done the later and it is totally demoralising when managers can't / won't do anything about it.
It doesn't look like it will change in the short term so I would look for something else.

Livingtothefull · 15/11/2022 17:14

balalake · 15/11/2022 17:10

My response would very much depend on the illness, assuming I knew what it was.

Why? You have no way of knowing or judging how serious an illness is or how it impacts on an individual. You have no right in any case to know the reasons for a colleague being off sick.

Goldpaw · 15/11/2022 17:15

DrManhattan · 15/11/2022 17:14

It actually depends on if they are ill or just taking the piss. I have worked with people who have done the later and it is totally demoralising when managers can't / won't do anything about it.
It doesn't look like it will change in the short term so I would look for something else.

How on earth do you know if people are taking the piss?

Canthave2manycats · 15/11/2022 17:17

I hope you (and several other posters!) never have any input into staff wellbeing...!!

Of course it's perfectly possible to be well enough to go to lunch for a short spell but not to fulfil your normal work duties.

Maybe one day someone will have to cover for you if you are off sick and I hope they are not nasty and resentful of it.

Plenty of better ways to manage employee absence! You can have acting up arrangements, mobility between departments, temporarily delay projects, bring back retired staff on a temp basis, ensure the reallocation of workload is fair and evenly divided.

As for temps, there's plenty of good ones out there - you just need to select carefully and get rid quickly if they aren't working out!

DrManhattan · 15/11/2022 17:17

@Goldpaw because they tell you and think its funny