AIBU: Work colleague taking the p***

[Banana2621]

So - I am normally a very sympathetic person but feeling really annoyed by a co-worker who is off sick. We can't help being ill I know that and he will be off for at least another 4 weeks. During that time we have a team lunch to celebrate Christmas. He said he was looking forward to joining us for lunch so I asked when he was due back to work and he said he will wait and see what the doctors say when he goes back in 3 weeks!
AIBU about this? Feeling really annoyed. We are all trying to pick up the slack which is hard work but we are busy. I am not expecting him to come back until he is fit but I certainly would not be able to attend a lunch while off sick! I'm really worried it will naff it up for us in future. Maybe its just me I don't know.
Thoughts please

How do you judge whether a colleague is 'taking the piss'? Unless they admitted to you personally that they did so you just don't know.

And what do you expect managers to 'do about it'? The assumption has to be that sickness is genuine as part of a mutually trusting relationship between employer/employee. The alternative is to make assumptions without grounds, that employees are faking sickness. How would you feel about your manager ever accusing you of that, whilst genuinely ill and in distress?

Are you his manager? no? then MYOB.

@Livingtothefull see my previous answer.

I remember getting berated in the supermarket when I was off with cancer. I was single and I needed food. One of my staff saw me and said something sarky. I ended up screaming at her to fuck off and left my trolley and ran out. People should keep out of things they know nothing off.

Please don't take it out on the staff member - it's your boss that should be managing the workload.

I've just worked 2 weeks when I had a sick note for this very reason, to support my colleagues because I just knew the boss wouldn't make any adjustment, and my recovery will be certainly delayed because of it. I'm not sure I'm as effective as normal either.

If I had been off I'd feel awful for them and worried about how much work would simply be left waiting for me when I got back.

In my case I've handed my notice in as it seems the only way to escape and give myself time to recover.

@Livingtothefull would someone not be placed on a disciplinary if they missed their shift due to saying they were sick but were then at a concert that night. It's not fair on the rest of the team who have to pick up the extra work because one person doesnt have enough annual leave so they chuck a sickie.

Well then discuss it with your manager if a colleague claims they have been faking sickness. I'm sure this does happen occasionally - but it doesn't follow that by default, colleagues on sick leave should be distrusted.

I think you're angry at the wrong person.

Your manager is the one who needs to cut you some slack and put arrangements in place to give you a reasonable workload when someone's off sick. In any job, you shouldn't be forced to do lots of extra work - that's a poor management resourcing problem, not the fault of your colleague who is off sick.

Also you sound a bit dim, it's rare that someone is unwell to the extent they can't eat a meal, going for lunch isn't that strenuous after all. Going back to full time work is significantly more strenuous ? Just because he's well enough to eat doesn't mean he's well enough to go back to work

Your final paragraph is it.

If you make colleagues who are off sick feel supported and part of the team, they may be able to return to work sooner

You'd hope that people might have a sliver of empathy and be able to reconcile someone being off with severe depression and might even welcome them to join you for a team building event, most people aren't heartless assholes who would even think that way.

A workload isn't down to a single employee being off.

Infectious disease - YANBU
Anything else - YABU

Yes fine to go to lunch, but with the same people that are picking up your workload?

You say that like the colleague needs to be embarrassed to be with these people or like he owes these people something?

Toxic work environments are not the problem of the person who's off sick, companies should put contingencies in place so that colleagues in the office aren't being asked to do anything unreasonable as it seems to builds resentment for some people.

Perfect summary

I was off sick after being the victim of a serious sexual assault (attacked by a stranger on my way home from work). I went to my work Christmas lunch, and some of my lovely colleagues picked me up and took me to the venue and brought me home too as I was unable to leave the house by myself due to very high levels of anxiety. That lunch really helped me feel connected with ordinary life but there was no way I was ready to return to work

Possibly @DrManhattan but it would depend on the circumstances and context, eg the nature of the concert and the reason for the sickness absence in this case. The appropriate thing to do would be to discuss concerns with the employee and decide from there whether or not disciplinary action is appropriate.

I have known just a few cases where action has followed. One eg of them: an employee claimed to be unable to get to work due to an injured leg (pre home working days) and then danced the night away in front of colleagues at a party! Lots of photos & videos to prove it. Another: a colleague had boasted on social media about faking sickness.

So, unless there is tangible evidence that illness is faked there has to be an assumption that the sickness is genuine as the alternative is going to hurt vulnerable people. Again, there should be a default assumption of mutual trust.

I like to think the majority of people are more reasonable and understanding than the OP. Being able to keep in touch with the team is a big help making it easier to come back. Returning to work after a sizeable absence is not easy.

You really can't put a price on supportive and kind colleagues.

I am currently off on long term sick and my team have invited me on their Christmas lunch. I'd like to think if I choose to go they will not be as judgey as you are. You don't know people's individual circumstances and are not a doctor. I hope if he does attend you keep your views to yourself.

I was off for 8 weeks after an op that resulted in a partial removal of one of my thumbs. As my job at the time involved threading needles and holding pieces of fabric, it was impossible for me to work due to the size of the dressing and having to adapt to using my thumb differently. Still went out for drinks with my team though...don't need 2 hands to hold a wine glass. 😄

No your colleague isn't taking the piss. You on the other hand ......

When I was off sick due to an accident I was still fit to go to lunch.

YABVU

Going for lunch is not the same as working. Being off sick does not mean life should stop, perhaps going for a meal will be the highlight of his month?

I’d suggest discussing your workload with your manager if it’s too much.

I am off work at the moment due to new onset seizures which are happening up to 10 times a week and some day multiple a day, I could possibly go out for lunch if I’m having a good day, but I couldn’t be good working 5 days with these and having other staff having to help me yes I have lots of consultants appointments neurologists appointments and on medication but it’s entirely up to me who needs to know and who doesn’t

How can you judge someone for being off sick for 4 weeks (got to be something pretty big to get that much time off) and then said they’ll have to wait and see what his doctor says in 3 weeks time.

It’s different if he’s off but then jumps at the chance of going out on Saturday night.

He’s not said yes or no as he can’t say until 3 weeks.

I think it’s odd that you would feel resentful over this.
I would be encouraging him to come if he’d not been in the office for weeks.

If he's off for four weeks that indicates to me that it's a long term illness perhaps stress related or a surgery that makes him unable to work full time for a while.

It doesn't mean he's coming to Xmas lunch with - for example - the flu does it? Not every illness means you have to stay in the house all day.

I'm so sorry you've been so ill @Doughnutmum . I hope you're better soon, and don't rush back to work - your health is far more important.