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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not be fobbed off with "data protection" as an excuse?

244 replies

KER90 · 15/11/2022 15:58

Have name changed for this just in case it's identifiable.

DS is 6 years old and in Year 1. Last week he was attacked by another child, who is in year 2. He was left with marks around his neck and a mark and lump on his head. DS doesn't know the other child's name, he's not in his class (mixed y1 & y2) and he's not even sure if he is in the other mixed class or the year 2 only class.

DH has been to speak briefly to the head today as he wants to know what the school have done about it as all we were told on the day of the incident was that the other child had "been dealt with". She tried to fob him off with "data protection" as an excuse for not being able to tell us what they have done. Just that it had been "severely dealt with".

Now, I think this is just a vague response in order to avoid admitting they've done sweet FA. Hoping that we go oh okay no worries and just forget about it. It's not giving out personal or identifiable information and as above, we don't even know who the child is. Surely when it comes to safeguarding, they should be able to tell parents what measures they are putting in place to protect their children? The way in which DS was assaulted, is, in my opinion, not the kind of thing you do as a first time offence, it is serious and if I had done that to another adult, I would be arrested and probably jailed. Just because they are under the age of criminal responsibility, it doesn't mean they should do nothing about it. If it's not dealt with now, who knows what that child will go on to do in the future.

"Severely dealt with" is also surely a matter of opinion? They may think it's a severe punishment, but I might not, and vice versa. For example has the child been "told off" or "lost certain privileges" or has he been suspended? Bit of a difference.

We are going back in on Friday for a more formal chat and DH has told the head that he wants answers to his questions and we are not going to let it go until we are satisfied with the response. She seemed very flustered and didn't quite know what to say, which tells me that she knows she can't bullshit her way out of this situation with her usual tactics.

Thankfully, DH is, shall we say, very assertive, but does anyone with inside knowledge of this type of thing have any advice?

OP posts:
Orangepolentacake · 15/11/2022 16:01

Put it in writing and ask for information in writing - if you have to pursue anything formally it becomes a ‘A said, B said’ if you don’t

xogossipgirlxo · 15/11/2022 16:06

Does she even get the concept of data protection? What a nonsense.

Meceme · 15/11/2022 16:11

The school will not give you the other child's name or details of the action/sanction taken. You would not wish them to discuss your child with other families after all.
They should however give you a clear account of what happened 'Child A did ....' and give clear and robust measures they are taking to keep your child safe.

CourdroySlacks · 15/11/2022 16:15

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StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 15/11/2022 16:16

You can only ask how they will be keeping your dc safe.

PineappleWilson · 15/11/2022 16:17

The head is focusing on what punshment / sanctions have been put in place for the perpetrator child. You can't, and shouldn't, be told that. However, you're not asking that, so I'd push back and shut that down as a topic of conversation, but stress that you want to know what you can tell your DC about how their safety will be managed better going forward. Give them some suggested examples - more staff in the playground, focus on friendship building in class etc. and see what they say.

IhearyouClemFandango · 15/11/2022 16:17

The school only have to tell you what measures are being taken to protect your child, not what punishments have been meted out to the other child. No matter how “assertive” your husband is.

Original poster
KER90 · 15/11/2022 16:17

Meceme · 15/11/2022 16:11

The school will not give you the other child's name or details of the action/sanction taken. You would not wish them to discuss your child with other families after all.
They should however give you a clear account of what happened 'Child A did ....' and give clear and robust measures they are taking to keep your child safe.

We're not asking for the child's name, that's my point. We don't want personal information.

I don't see why we can't be told what action has been taken. If things were the other way around, I absolutely would be ok with them telling the other child's parents what action they had taken. It is not personal information.

OP posts:
CousinKrispy · 15/11/2022 16:17

Yes, focus on what measures they will take to keep your child safe.

I don't think they can give the name of the other child to you or details of actions taken against him.

CourdroySlacks · 15/11/2022 16:20

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HalloweenHilarity · 15/11/2022 16:21

YABU, just focus on your child.

Original poster
KER90 · 15/11/2022 16:21

I think the punishment/action take is relevant to how they're keeping my child safe. Her telling me it's been "severely dealt with" means absolutely nothing to me. I'm a very black and white person, I don't do grey areas. She's given a very grey answer.

Personal information is something you can use to identify that person. How is being told what punishment has been given going to allow me to identify the child?

OP posts:
CourdroySlacks · 15/11/2022 16:24

This reply has been deleted

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IhearyouClemFandango · 15/11/2022 16:24

You may want to know, but you don’t need to know. It also is not up to you to decide whether it was ‘severe’ enough. What is important for you is to be reassured that your child will be kept safe.

MichelleScarn · 15/11/2022 16:24

It is crap, and it often feels like they put more input into the protection of the other child and the victim is seen as secondary to them.
However pp are right and all you can do is keep at them about what is being done to keep your child safe. In Scotland they use Girfec which is 'getting it right for every child' and it can sometimes have to be a push to get the school to recognise this also means getting it right for the victim of the assault/bully. I don't blame the teachers at all though, and wouldn't and couldn't so their job!

MrsSchrute · 15/11/2022 16:26

KER90 · 15/11/2022 16:21

I think the punishment/action take is relevant to how they're keeping my child safe. Her telling me it's been "severely dealt with" means absolutely nothing to me. I'm a very black and white person, I don't do grey areas. She's given a very grey answer.

Personal information is something you can use to identify that person. How is being told what punishment has been given going to allow me to identify the child?

I would say that the answer she has given is pretty clear. It's been dealt with, I don't see why you need to know how.

Original poster
KER90 · 15/11/2022 16:29

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

In essence, yes. Why wouldn't I want to know? Why would I take the word of someone that I don't even know, telling me that something has been dealt with appropriately? Their definition of appropriate might not be in line with others. How can I put trust in someone to safeguard my child at school, when I don't even know what sort of consequences they're dishing out.

I'll use my example again, if I did what this child did, to another adult, that person would have a right to know what punishment I'd received.

OP posts:
MrsSchrute · 15/11/2022 16:31

KER90 · 15/11/2022 16:29

In essence, yes. Why wouldn't I want to know? Why would I take the word of someone that I don't even know, telling me that something has been dealt with appropriately? Their definition of appropriate might not be in line with others. How can I put trust in someone to safeguard my child at school, when I don't even know what sort of consequences they're dishing out.

I'll use my example again, if I did what this child did, to another adult, that person would have a right to know what punishment I'd received.

Show quote history

Well you either trust the school to deal with this, or you don't. If you don't then follow their complaints policy.
You have no right to know anything about how the school has dealt with another child.

Original poster
KER90 · 15/11/2022 16:31

Wow, so you'd all be quite happy to be fobbed off with "it's been dealt with" and no further information after your child was grabbed by the throat, strangled and head butter twice leaving marks and bruises? Ok Confused

OP posts:
AntlerRose · 15/11/2022 16:32

They should have a behaviour policy.
This should outline what should happen in an instance like this.

All you can really ask is whether the behaviour policy has been followed.

Original poster
KER90 · 15/11/2022 16:33

MrsSchrute · 15/11/2022 16:31

Well you either trust the school to deal with this, or you don't. If you don't then follow their complaints policy.
You have no right to know anything about how the school has dealt with another child.

Show quote history

But how can I know to trust them in the future, when I don't even know what they do in these types of situations?

OP posts:
Bingobangodrinkacanoftango · 15/11/2022 16:34

I agree with others that you seem to want to know purely to check it was “punitive” enough in your eyes. Really, they can’t go into the specifics or details about how it was handled sometimes without divulging further information regarding another child, that may concern SEN or something else of a nature that is a privacy issue. I absolutely agree they should be able to give you information about how they will keep your child safe going ahead and also how they are supporting your child with any of their concerns/worries that may have resulted from the attack.

I have empathy, I totally appreciate this must have been horrible for your DC and that you want to keep your child protected but I think your motivations here are coming from being (understandably) angry. These things do happen in school settings and from what you’ve said the school have dealt with it. The way you talk about your husband makes it sound a little like he may be intimidating and/or rude which may be why the staff member felt flustered in the circumstances. If you don’t feel it’s resolved, obviously speak to the school and ask for further clarification on what measures the school are taking to keep your child protected as that’s the most important thing here.

Original poster
KER90 · 15/11/2022 16:35

AntlerRose · 15/11/2022 16:32

They should have a behaviour policy.
This should outline what should happen in an instance like this.

All you can really ask is whether the behaviour policy has been followed.

Thank you, that is helpful, I will look into this!

OP posts:
Bingobangodrinkacanoftango · 15/11/2022 16:35

Also comparing this to an adult altercation isn’t the same thing. They are children.

MrsSchrute · 15/11/2022 16:36

KER90 · 15/11/2022 16:33

But how can I know to trust them in the future, when I don't even know what they do in these types of situations?

Show quote history

Well you can see their behaviour policy, which outlines how they would deal with situations like this. So you either trust them to follow it, or you don't.
If you believe they haven't followed their policy, then complain.