To not be fobbed off with "data protection" as an excuse?

[KER90]

Have name changed for this just in case it's identifiable.

DS is 6 years old and in Year 1. Last week he was attacked by another child, who is in year 2. He was left with marks around his neck and a mark and lump on his head. DS doesn't know the other child's name, he's not in his class (mixed y1 & y2) and he's not even sure if he is in the other mixed class or the year 2 only class.

DH has been to speak briefly to the head today as he wants to know what the school have done about it as all we were told on the day of the incident was that the other child had "been dealt with". She tried to fob him off with "data protection" as an excuse for not being able to tell us what they have done. Just that it had been "severely dealt with".

Now, I think this is just a vague response in order to avoid admitting they've done sweet FA. Hoping that we go oh okay no worries and just forget about it. It's not giving out personal or identifiable information and as above, we don't even know who the child is. Surely when it comes to safeguarding, they should be able to tell parents what measures they are putting in place to protect their children? The way in which DS was assaulted, is, in my opinion, not the kind of thing you do as a first time offence, it is serious and if I had done that to another adult, I would be arrested and probably jailed. Just because they are under the age of criminal responsibility, it doesn't mean they should do nothing about it. If it's not dealt with now, who knows what that child will go on to do in the future.

"Severely dealt with" is also surely a matter of opinion? They may think it's a severe punishment, but I might not, and vice versa. For example has the child been "told off" or "lost certain privileges" or has he been suspended? Bit of a difference.

We are going back in on Friday for a more formal chat and DH has told the head that he wants answers to his questions and we are not going to let it go until we are satisfied with the response. She seemed very flustered and didn't quite know what to say, which tells me that she knows she can't bullshit her way out of this situation with her usual tactics.

Thankfully, DH is, shall we say, very assertive, but does anyone with inside knowledge of this type of thing have any advice?

I did ask, because there was another child in his reception class that bit him on the face, and I wanted to know if it was the same child.

Would your son not know this?

Would it matter if it was the same or a different child?

Your son has been injured twice - yes at that age it can happen quite quickly but I think focusing on the child’s punishment is wrong, instead of how they can protect your son which is the most important thing, especially if these are two different children being aggressive.

Well, this is telling. Your child is young and you've not too much experience of school or how things work. Sometbing bad has happened and all you're seeing is "it's dealt with" but you've no idea what that could mean in a school context.

At home, it would be things like being grounded or removing their Nintendo or limiting screen time etc. But at school... what can they do?

I think maybe you're feeling a little bit like you've been left out in the cold because you dont understand all the processes, and you're not in control of it. To help you feel some sense of control, you want details of what this other child will be punished with. That's understandable. But it is very unreasonable.

To help you feel better about it all, you could explain your feelings to the head teacher and you could ask for some general examples of sanctions used in the school. They may share that with you or refer you to their behaviour policy.

Then you need to move on and accept that you can only ask about your child and how any sanctions may affect him etc, as another poster has detail above.

Sorry I thought that you meant I asked my son.

@KER90
Another OP being unfairly flogged, despite you repeatedly saying you now understand why you can't be told the level of punishment.
Just here to add I absolutely get your initial anger and tbh the comments slating you and your husbands parenting are vile. You have reacted out of protective instinct. If PPs can't acknowledge they'd be enraged if their 6 year old came home having been strangled and headbutted, they're either lying or completely lack empathy.
Good luck with your chat and as per a spattering of actual advice, have a list of questions that you want clear answers to.

There won’t be extra supervision anywhere - if they had extra staff available to supervise, they would already be doing that.

Exactly why it should be questioned explicitly and put in writing if it is said.

Specifics will help to highlight failures if it happens again (I hope not, your poor boy OP) and will give you more recourse to action.

Such as?

Thank you, yes I suppose that is true. Severely dealt with could literally mean anything couldn't it? I think that's why my husband pushed her further in wanting to know specifically what that means and she couldn't answer and that's why it came across as wishy-washy none answers when she started citing data protection, it's a cop out catch all excuse we say in my work when we don't know the answer or nothing has been done (don't flame me for that lol)

Thank you!! Exactly, it's like a parallel universe here sometimes. Teenagers I'd maaaaybe expect this kind of behaviour from, but 6 and 7 years old? We are just very very shocked.

I have started a list of questions.

Reporting safeguarding failures.

To who? To what end?

Ive been in a similar situation with DS, similar age to yours who ended up with marks on his neck after something another child did to him in the playground. DS told me who the child was who did it and the school were aware that I knew this.

The school told me what measures they had put in place to protect my child which included closer supervision when playing with this boy from lunchtime staff members and that they boy was no longer allowed to play with equipment in the playground. That was all I needed to know really to know that my child was safe from the incident occurring again.

Whether the child was further punished, told off, parents called, taken to headmaster, whatever makes no difference to my child's safety at playtime and as far as I'm concerned is a matter for the school, the child and the child's parents.

Just focus on the measures put in place that directly affect your child. Hope your DS is ok.

Well, at least now you know it is not a cop out. It doesnt mean nothing has happened and they're trying to hide it. You've had it explained that it is actually a very real protection concern. They cant tell you.

So, hopefully, you wont go in all guns blazing and refuse to let it go unless they tell you. You can focus on your child and how things impact them.

I would say one more thing though. I know this seems really bad, but it isnt. In 10 years, you'll look back and realise that sometimes this stuff happens between kids and nothing ever comes of it; no lasting damage. If it keeps happening then of course, you get though with the school. But you need to try and relax a bit. I'm saying that as a parent of a kid who was molested at school. It was awful but the child who did it was being sexually abused and it led to support for him (the school didnt tell me any of that obviously). It didnt happen again and no lasting damage to my child despite how awful it was for us at the time.

Just take a breath and realise that this really isnt the hill to die on. He got shoved around a bit. It's going to happen. It will be fine.

To Ofsted, the governors, whoever will listen!

Schools cannot list the ways they will keep a child safe from assault, then do none of them and acted shocked a parent is pissed off if the incident occurs again.

Formalise it. RD formal letter to school. Describe incident. No emotion, facts only. Then 'our child has the right to be safe and protected from physical abuse at school. Please advise what safeguarding measures are being put in place to protect him. ' They may withhold name of assailant but must safeguard.

They can’t keep a child safe from assault though. There’s not enough staff, there are too many complex needs, too many kids and not enough money. Have all these problems in education passed you by?

Also, nobody will listen. By all means do it, but don’t expect anything to happen.

That is not OPs problem. Do you think the school should do nothing to safeguard her son?

If the school can't provide extra supervision, they'll have to think of something else to remedy the problem. The logistics of how to safeguard is not OPs problem, it's the schools.

What do you suggest? Keeping in mind there’s no money for anything they don’t already have.

I can see both sides to this argument.

The sector I work in is also chronically underfunded and over stretched. But then I have an expectation that my 6 year old won't be assaulted at school. I don't think there is always an answer.

The OP wasn't asking about safeguarding in her initial posts.

The school haven't listed any safeguarding measures and then not done them. I'm not sure where you got that from.

If safeguarding means that no incidents ever occur then no parent is capable of adequately safeguarding their single child within their own home. Eliminating all possible incidents is not what safeguarding is about: it's about reducing the chances of something happening by taking all reasonable measures to remove risks that are foreseeable.

Are you expecting me to describe how a school I don't know, should safeguard a boy I don't know from another boy, that again, I don't know?

Sure, I'll get right on that, can I just finish off solving world hunger first?🙄

It is an absolutely reasonable expectation that the school take whatever feasible and reasonable actions they can in order to minimise any foreseeable risks of that happening.

If you don't know what would be a suitable punishment in your eyes, why the need to know? How would you judge it suitable or not?

Yes, since you’re the one giving the advice to the OP.