If you were travelling alone in a foreign country, would you let someone know your itinerary, in case something happened to you?

[TortugaRumCakeQueen]

When my Mum was alive, if I was going away, she would always ask which hotel we were going to (in case of emergency), and she would check in on our return date, to make sure we landed safely. As mobile phones came on the scene, I would just text my Mum "Landed".

I have a 25 y/o son, who went off to USA for a holiday recently, travelling alone and meeting up in various locations to meet friends from Uni. I said that he should let someone know his travel plans, just in case something happened, and he accused me of treating him like he's 9. I just thought that was sensible!

His text was quite sarcastic and implied that I have no faith in him as an adult. There is no back story. We usually get along fine etc.

In fairness, I probably think about the "what if's" more than most : my DH is a Police Officer and deals with missing people cases every day. It's amazing how many people don't know where their loved ones are. Can you imagine the conversation?

Parent : My child went on a trip but hasn't returned home
Police : Where did they go?
Parent : USA somewhere
Police : Whereabouts?
Parent : I don't know
Police : Who were they visiting?
Parent : I don't know
Police : What flight were they meant to be on?
Parent : I don't know

Just seems sensible to let someone know your plans. I didn't even say it had to me, it could be his Dad of GF, just someone!

When me and DH go on holiday, I always text the kids and tell them where we are going and when.

Maybe it's just my family history? DH's family never ask when he is due back from holiday, and in all honesty we could have been kidnapped abroad and it would be 6 months before his Dad would even notice we were missing.

I do. I live alone. I usually travel alone. I tell a close friend which flights I'm due on and which hotels. It might still be some time before anyone noticed I wasn't back (I usually cut down on social media when away, rather than being the sort to post tons of photos.) But at least someone would know where i last should have been, when my manager started to enquire why I'm not working.

If I weren't travelling alone? Friends would probably know I was going away, and to where, but I probably wouldn't share details of flights etc.

No I don't. I rarely end up doing what I planned to anyway so I can leave a hotel in the morning heading for one city and end up in another.

I post enough of social media to provide a rough itinerary. Does your son have any social media accounts?

I agree with you, @TortugaRumCakeQueen

Thanks all. Yes, he has SM, but rarely posts. He didn't post any pics from the holiday. I didn't particularly want flight numbers, but an idea of his plans and when he would be home. Just seems really sensible to me. He seemed very irritated at me suggesting this. Even if he had said that his girlfriend knew his plans, that would have been enough for me.

I live alone and travel alone and usually give a close relative info if I'm going away, though if it is a UK trip, I'd probably only mention the town where I'm staying and the dates of travel. If going abroad, I'd usually also share details of which hotels, flights etc I'm using. I don't use social media and tend not to contact people back home when I'm away unless there's an emergency, so to me it reassuring to know that someone knows my broad plans.

Even my elderly, and very forgetful Dad, writes down our travel plans and does remember to call to see we got home safely. And I'm not joking when I say that DH's Dad would take 6 months to raise the alarm. Which I find so weird!

Totally normal to provide this information. Rather childish and peevish to refuse. If travel plans are fluid, perfectly possible in this day and age to provide brief updates as and when.
Several family members including me solo travelled in the 80s and 90s. It was a bit of a drag sometimes but we would use local post offices to make calls or send telegrams or even just postcards with what updates we could. Literally a piece of piss to do it with a smartphone and a signal.

YANBU. I'm mid-thirties and still email my parents (and DH if I'm travelling solo) our complete itinerary for family holidays and details of our travel insurance. It's nothing to do with nannying but being able to act quickly if something goes wrong.

Meant to add that if my parents were still living, I'd definitely give them details as I know they'd have worried terribly if I didn't. Nowadays it's more for my own peace of mind, as my relative probably wouldn't worry for ages if he didn't hear from me🙂

I do generally tell some people where I’m going, in this case the state I was visiting, but I wouldn’t give hotel details- often because I am a spontaneous type who doesn’t pre book. I guess I’d say when I was coming back? Certainly I’d tell my husband of course because of child care but assuming I didn’t have a husband or child, I would probably mention it to a friend but only in passing.

I certainly wouldn’t be leaving an itinerary with anyone.

in your example, the police can easily find where someone flew to, and from, and what date they are booked to return etc, if god forbid they needed to.

I haven’t voted, because I can’t make up my mind if you are BU or not! On the one hand I completely understand, because I feel the same, on the other, I think sometimes you have to bite your tongue and suffer in silence when it comes to keeping tabs on your adult dc.

I well remember when my 2 oldest went backpacking in SE Asia (no particular itinerary afaik) finding spurious ‘good reasons’ at the beginning to message them almost daily about various things, just to make contact, and once receiving the reply “Mum, we’re fine, you don’t have to keep texting”! I did rein it in after that!

I think I did have their return flight details, but nothing else…. It was tough, and they weren’t even travelling alone

I travel alone including fly drive to US and yes I always email my rough itinerary to Mum and, as she has got older, my sister.

Could you slip an AirTag in his bag😂

I can relate to this on several levels. My father was quite protective, and so I ended to be a bit dismissive of the itinerary depositary ( though I was glad of it once!) Maybe your son is reacting against his father’s related experiences, as well.

DH is similarly ‘secretive’, he used to get annoyed when I wanted to know flight and hotel details when he was away a lot ( I was not being jealous btw).He once to told me to call the office if I wanted to know. I’m afraid that didn’t go down well, I told him he could be stranded somewhere sick and the ‘office’ could sort it out!

Eventually I explained that I found it worrying not to have this information, but I would not use it except for necessity. If you could explain that this would be a kindness to set your mind at rest, he might be inclined to be kind to you?

No need for full itinerary, surely with WhatsApp and FaceTime etc. communication is instant. I travel alone too. The one concession I do make is to give hotel reception my next of kin/who to contact numbers.

I'd want all that info from my young adult children too, they wouldn't have any problem giving it to me either, it's a good idea no matter age you are if you're alone

I mostly travel solo and backpack, so don't always have clear itinerary. But I ensure that my adult kids have my flight details, and I message them at least every couple of days to let them know where I am.

I'd hate to inflict panic on them is something happened, they needed me and couldn't reach me. And frankly I want to know straight away if there was an emergency at home of any sort.

Of course it's massively easier now with mobile phones and international e-sims. But even so I can be without signal in more remote places, so they need a location.

I would, because I listen to too many crime podcasts and have seriously considered creating an "If I go missing" folder.

I know of someone who went missing 20 years ago and because they were not in regular contact it seems nobody knows when or where they went missing, or whether it was voluntary or not. There is nowhere to start looking, just vague talk that they might have gone abroad.

Yes, I always do this, even with work travel or if I’m going with friends or back in the day when I travelled a bit more spontaneously.

It’s peevish not to and whilst I do agree with @Hibernationsetting that flight details, last known location etc are easily found by police or other agencies if required, surely it’s just easier for a friend or family to have the details?

there is a fine line between 'good to know' and anxious/controlling.

I have a relative who would criticise any travel plans in a very judgey manner...so I don't tell them anything.

Of course YANBU, he's behaving like a 9 year old being huffy about something so sensible.
Our sensible 23yo lets us know if she's going abroad (even though so far she's always been with someone else) - and DH and I let her know when we're travelling.

Yes, I do this. I am almost 40 and when I travel solo, especially on extended trips, I have a Google doc I update as I travel that lets my family know where I'll be and when with dates and addresses of booked accommodation.

Never did. We just let each other know which country we will be in and usually dates.
It really depends on what level of information you want. General area like"this week I will be in Wisconsin and then the week later in Florida"
Or "monday I am going to x meet y, tuesday I am going to z meet a....."

Frankly though. If something happens to the traveller, the family gets notified about erm... Situation.
It's also quite easy to find what flight people were on or supposed to be on for the authorities

It's plain common sense to let someone know where you are going and roughly when you will be where. Not just single travellers, but people doing stuff like going up mountains, into remote areas or out to sea. Obviously before messaging and cheap internet calls it was more of a palaver and people would check in less frequently. But not returning to the agreed point at a reasonable time is a way of sounding an alarm and getting searches underway whilst there's still reasonable chance of recovery.

I'd prefer to avoid social media for this (unless it's private messaging or your security is well locked down) because there are also reasons not to broadcast to a wide audience your whereabouts.

@TortugaRumCakeQueen you need to spell it out to your son. Unfortunately, every year some people when travelling will become unwell, get seriously injured (or worse). It isn’t because you want to check up on him or don’t trust him. He sounds quite immature and selfish if he doesn’t understand that he should let someone know his basic travel plans.