If you were travelling alone in a foreign country, would you let someone know your itinerary, in case something happened to you?

[TortugaRumCakeQueen]

When my Mum was alive, if I was going away, she would always ask which hotel we were going to (in case of emergency), and she would check in on our return date, to make sure we landed safely. As mobile phones came on the scene, I would just text my Mum "Landed".

I have a 25 y/o son, who went off to USA for a holiday recently, travelling alone and meeting up in various locations to meet friends from Uni. I said that he should let someone know his travel plans, just in case something happened, and he accused me of treating him like he's 9. I just thought that was sensible!

His text was quite sarcastic and implied that I have no faith in him as an adult. There is no back story. We usually get along fine etc.

In fairness, I probably think about the "what if's" more than most : my DH is a Police Officer and deals with missing people cases every day. It's amazing how many people don't know where their loved ones are. Can you imagine the conversation?

Parent : My child went on a trip but hasn't returned home
Police : Where did they go?
Parent : USA somewhere
Police : Whereabouts?
Parent : I don't know
Police : Who were they visiting?
Parent : I don't know
Police : What flight were they meant to be on?
Parent : I don't know

Just seems sensible to let someone know your plans. I didn't even say it had to me, it could be his Dad of GF, just someone!

When me and DH go on holiday, I always text the kids and tell them where we are going and when.

Maybe it's just my family history? DH's family never ask when he is due back from holiday, and in all honesty we could have been kidnapped abroad and it would be 6 months before his Dad would even notice we were missing.

Yes:
Accidents and natural disasters happen and unfortunately in this day and age, so do terrorist atacks:
If you know he is in Des Moines you are less likely to worry about a tornado ripping through Florida:

Totally normal
I’m a 45 year old adult and when I travel to the USA next year I plan on climbing in and back out if the Grand Canyon
mill text my BF in the UK before I leave with my route and again when I’ve completed it.
move already told her if I don’t text within 20 hours she’s to raise the alarm.

we’ve all seen the horror films. How can anyone even try to locate you if you need help if no one has any idea where you’re heading to?
even a rough idea helps.

tell him it’s more grown up to be a a bit responsible and tell someone where he’s at least planing on going!

YANBU

I feel this way when my in-laws come to visit us. They’ll tell us they’re on the train but nothing for 8 hrs (it’s a six hr journey to us) even if DH texts them when they should have gotten off the first train. They’re almost 80 and in good-ish health but it’s a train, a tube or bus, another train and some walking to get to us. They’re ok with technology but it helps to know otherwise we have no idea where they are in their journey and can only guess they got off the first train.

When I go on trips I send a message to DH when I’ve reached my hotel and my loose itinerary. Tbh, if something did happen to me, they could check my locations with my iPhone since it rarely leaves my person, what I take pictures with and what I pay with which is connected to our joint account so DH and the bank can see where I used my card.

He's acting like a belligerent teenager. Just send him the tiktok 'she's your mom' clip with a smiley face and leave it at that. He'll mature eventually.

If he persists, say that actually, most adults would think it entirely sensible- and that his reaction speaks volumes about how he hasn't yet quite grown up

I didn't always do this in the past, but will in the future.

A few years ago I was in Iran, camping in the middle of the countryside, with no mobile signal for a few days and no access to the internet.
It only hit me then, that no one at home knew where I was, or who I was with. If they had needed to contact me in an emergency, they had no way to do so. So now I'd always leave an itinerary behind.

DD sends us documents of everything from start to finish. We know what plane she is on from where to end of travel, insurance docs absolutely everything. She looses stuff in another country & we have immediate help. Been doing it for years

Yes - common sense really.

If there is a terrorist attack /natural disaster/ axe murderer, you are going to worry, if he is in area (according to itinerary) you will worry or he not plan to go there but may have gone off plan.
If this happens why don’t you ring and check whether he is affected? Hotel details unlikely any use - you will text him/ring him/ WhatsApp - you aren’t going to ask to be put through to his room on a landline?!
If you don’t hear about the disaster on the news - then you can’t act.
If you did realise he is in area, what can you do? He will have to use his luck/ common sense/ resources to stay safe.
The statistical dangers will be things you don’t hear of on news, regular car accidents etc
What will help him is his interpersonal skills, local resources, emergency services, his resources etc not someone over in UK with an itinerary.
I obviously I don’t watch the same TV as others on this thread!

The disadvantage to keeping tabs on me, is that when travelling I wasn’t moving from A to B I was meeting people, changing plans, seeing sights, the whole joy was the adventure.
At 25 years old I was working as a doctor in orthopaedic surgery on other side of the world. The idea of ringing UK to tell them my travel plans on my days off?? I only told them for interest/catching up, not to help them locate my body if I die, I don’t think I’d be as happy a person if I went around making provision for this.

@TortugaRumCakeQueen your son’s message was nasty and there’s no excuse to be so horrible to you. Obviously don’t reply to him until he comes home, but you could tell him his message was unpleasant and mean. You need to stop doing so much for him as he really doesn’t appreciate how lucky he is to have parents who actually care about him.

Thank you, it wasn't pleasant to read. I think I've come to the conclusion that I'm not very respected really. I've always bent over backwards to provide for my children and have been a bit of a pushover. Their Dad is much stricter and hasn't done half as much for them, however, he seems to command much respect (they would never speak to him this way). I don't really understand.

My Mum's neighbours, who are now in their fifties leave their itinary with my Mum now after the Tsunami in 2004 when they were in Thailand. Fortunately they were inland in the mountains, but nobody in the street knew that until they came home unscathed and semi oblivious to the extent of the disaster they had avoided.

Act on that knowledge, OP. Stop bending over backwards. Please don't be treated like a mug anymore. Those messages were indeed horrible.

I still haven't replied. I have no idea how to reply without telling him off, which I don't want to do. 😥

Realistically, he's in the US and has his phone with him. He's just as contactable there as he is at home.

Having referred to my solo backpacking trips, yes, I keep my adult kids informed because I can't be certain I'll have a signal.
If I'm just having a normal break in Europe, I don't give much info if any, and they've never asked me to. Because my phone works the same way there as at home.

My son went backpacking and I ensured he sent me vague details, ie "just
arrived in Koh Samui".

I then found he naturally sent me some update photos of him eating scorpions and another saying "my hotel on the Kwai".

You just need him to check in occasionally otherwise you wouldn't know if he'd gone missing.

If i go away without DH i leave my flight numbers , hotel details as much detail as possible. Also a copy of my travel insurance.

When i travellled when i was younger my planning was a lot less detailed and more spontaneous but i did leave with a family member a rough itinerary with as many details as possible and let someone back home know if i changed location.

But i was a female often travelling alone we tend to think of consequences a lot more .

Yanbu for wanting a rough idea. Its sensible and mature thing for anyone travelling to do.

He's evidently still at that "invincible" age where nothing bad will ever happen to him, and to suggest otherwise has damaged his fragile ego. He should try to avoid sounding like a petulant child, though. At 25, it's getting to be time to finally grow up and treat one's parents with the respect they deserve.

Tbh, I think it's rather stupid to not tell someone where you'll be when you're travelling. Anything can happen, and it can be days or weeks before anyone knows for certain that you aren't where you're supposed to be. It's only sensible to leave a general itinerary and stay in contact regarding your current and planned whereabouts. Just a line every two or three days to say "I'm alive and well" isn't too much to ask.

@TortugaRumCakeQueen Haven't read it all (so someone has probably said this) but it's similar to going on a date when you live alone - it's not about how safe YOU feel, but the bad intention of others.

When travelling overseas, DD and I exchange flight details and WhatsApp a bit to say what we're doing.

I can see where you’re DS is coming from.

He’s an adult and you’re asking for his holiday itinerary like he’s a child.

i backpacked 20 years ago (so no mobile with me), I was in forests, islands, getting up at 5am in the pitch dark to wait at the side of dirt desolate roads for the bus to turn up. My Parents only had the info I would send on an email when I paid to use the computer at an Internet cafe, which would then be something like ‘have spent 4 days with Orangutans’

if I had disappeared my bags would be in the accommodation and they would alert the authorities 🤷‍♀️

from his point of view I do understand him wanting to keep it secret really. I also understand why you asked though.

it’s part of growing up, leave him be. I am sure he will be fine