If you were travelling alone in a foreign country, would you let someone know your itinerary, in case something happened to you?

[TortugaRumCakeQueen]

When my Mum was alive, if I was going away, she would always ask which hotel we were going to (in case of emergency), and she would check in on our return date, to make sure we landed safely. As mobile phones came on the scene, I would just text my Mum "Landed".

I have a 25 y/o son, who went off to USA for a holiday recently, travelling alone and meeting up in various locations to meet friends from Uni. I said that he should let someone know his travel plans, just in case something happened, and he accused me of treating him like he's 9. I just thought that was sensible!

His text was quite sarcastic and implied that I have no faith in him as an adult. There is no back story. We usually get along fine etc.

In fairness, I probably think about the "what if's" more than most : my DH is a Police Officer and deals with missing people cases every day. It's amazing how many people don't know where their loved ones are. Can you imagine the conversation?

Parent : My child went on a trip but hasn't returned home
Police : Where did they go?
Parent : USA somewhere
Police : Whereabouts?
Parent : I don't know
Police : Who were they visiting?
Parent : I don't know
Police : What flight were they meant to be on?
Parent : I don't know

Just seems sensible to let someone know your plans. I didn't even say it had to me, it could be his Dad of GF, just someone!

When me and DH go on holiday, I always text the kids and tell them where we are going and when.

Maybe it's just my family history? DH's family never ask when he is due back from holiday, and in all honesty we could have been kidnapped abroad and it would be 6 months before his Dad would even notice we were missing.

And he says you're treating him like a 9 year old. He sounds a bit like one! It's the sort of thing I'd expect from my just turned 16 year old, in a fit of pique, not a 25 year old man

I travel alone a lot. I usually tell DH the town/city I am in, but no further detail than that. The only time I provide detailed info is when I go hiking alone, because the risk (ot at least the consequences) of having an accident without any help nearby feel so much higher. So in those instances I always tell him I'm going to hike Trail X and should be back by Y time, and instructions on what to do if he doesn't hear from me.

I struggle with the fact that people seem to pass on so much information about their travel plans - it seems very intrusive. The fact that someone in the UK might have my passport number and flight details seems pointless if I am (say) in a Spanish hospital. I totally sympathise with the OP's son - he's fine, and doesn't need to be fussed over. I'm 30+ years older than him and have never expected anyone to text me when they've landed!

I'm almost 50 and, even when I travel with my husband, my parents and sister get an itinerary. It's common sense

I think you've been given a huge opportunity here OP to do things differently from now on.

He wants to be treated as an adult so time to stop giving him holiday spending money, buying him things, paying when you go out, and texting him every ten days.

He earns good money so he can buy his own things, and if you go out make it clear beforehand that it's his turn.

And he can move himself! Like he says, he's not nine years old. Why are you doing that for him anyway?

Don't play games with him, and make it a tit for tat thing, just take a few steps back, and let him buy his own things and do his own removals from now on.

I've never let anyone know my plans. I just send a WhatsApp to say I'm alive and maybe stick a picture on Instagram. I might send Mum a pin, so she can track me on Google maps. I don't tend to go anywhere too wild or remote though.

this 100%

I really don't understand this approach. So, let's say you don't make your flight home and your phone is dead, and your DH doesn't hear anything from you for days, he decides to report you missing....isn't it better, to be able to say to the Police

"She was staying at the Sandy Beach hotel, on Beach Boulevard in Alcudia, Majorca" , rather than

"She was staying somewhere in Majorca, I have no idea where".

Why make things harder than they need to be?

The thing is. Are you all actually using the same princip on day to day things and uk trips or is it just "abroad"?
Because I am pretty sure I would have a better chance of being stabbed in London than in many other places for example.
What if they go for a day exploring peak district and fall down into a hidden crevice? Won't be found for month...
That's the bit which is illogical thing imho and that's probably why he was annoyed as well. Unless people give all these details all the time, then yes, it's bit weird, isn't it.

It would never occur to me to do this or expect it from anyone else. It's anxiety driven behaviour and something to work on internally if you feel a need to know. Example of Tunisia bombs was given and leapt on by op. It's a large country with millions holidaying there. It's an anxiety response to even think your family might be caught up in it. Logically the chances are pretty much zero. False sense of control. You would find out soon enough if they were. Knowing or not knowing an itinerary means nothing. They could have changed hotel or visited friends unexpectedly. This is the same anxiety behaviour that causes families to track each other on their phones.

He's told you, in no uncertain terms, to back off.

I thought his message was rude but perhaps he feels pushed to be that rude to make you stop, or perhaps he was being rude because he is. Only you will know.

On the suitcase/money front though - did he ask or did you just do it? You can't complain he likes being treated as a child if this is started by you, not him. What's he supposed to do? Also be rude and refuse to accept the case? If he asked for both then that's a good place to start the 'treating you as an adult' conversation but I bet he didn't ask.

No, I didn't when I was young and wouldn't do it or expect it now, except that I'd keep in touch generally with phone calls etc, depending on the relationship. My reasoning is that it's very unlikely anything would happen, and if it did, well, if I were dead in a ditch what could they do about it? Find my body a bit sooner, that's all!

Well, allowing your Mum to track you, is the ultimate in letting people know where you are. There is no way he would allow that.

There's not much point telling anyone, given there's unlikely to be anything they can do with the information. The traveller is unlikely to be safer because someone on a different continent is worrying about them.

I think an exception would be if going off-grid. A solo sailor I follow on YouTube took two or three times as many weeks as expected to cross the Pacific, his family became worried enough to ask after him on sailing forums. Eventually, a French Navy plane spotted him near his destination, and confirmed he was OK via VHF radio. He'd had a technical issue that slowed him down.

Of course he's not going to allow that! Healthy boundaries

My son doesn't live at home anymore but he still lets me know flight numbers and destinations when he goes away!

I fi t e en though I should!.
I tell Dh that I'm thinking of going to ( say) Malaga and he will.be ' oh that's nice.'
I dont think Ive ever told him the name of the hotel on staying in. So times I rung him in the evening and tell him where I've been. A couple of times Iveswopped countries in Europe and got the train to somewhere else and not told him until I phoned home.
The main times it has occured to me that i should tell him was when i ended up in a cellar in Berlin and another time on a mountain walk that I did impulsively.

You are right - I offered. Last year I bought DD relocating, 2 new cases, so felt it was fair. Didn't want him taking his old battered case. Maybe I am babying him.

The two approaches in the replies seem like they're down to personality type, there's no right or wrong. Some people operate on the what could go wrong premise, and operate on this basis. Others trust that everything will be ok, and cross that bridge when they come to it!

So, let's say you don't make your flight home and your phone is dead, and your DH doesn't hear anything from you for days, he decides to report you missing....isn't it better, to be able to say to the Police

It doesn't really matter what you do or don't say to the police, at best it only makes a slight difference to how quickly you get the information of what happened, if you get any information.

Why put up with the inconvenience of supplying information all the time just for the benefit of the other person getting information somewhat quicker, in circumstances that are very unlikely to happen?

Didn't want him taking his old battered case. Maybe I am babying him.

You are. He is 25.
Plus, any case looks battered after one trip through certain airports😂

My DS has just (without me reminding him) text me his itinerary for the nextc2 days as he's leaving his apartment and going to 2 other places with overnight stays before returning to his base. He's told me train times and destinations and the names of the 2 hotels he's booked.
I know it's probably not going to save him if something unfortunate happened but at least I feel we'd have a clue where to start looking. DH isn't so bothered but he'll probably come home from work and ask if I've heard from DS as he knows I'm more likely to have contact.

@TortugaRumCakeQueen You misunderstand. I wouldn't let her track me. Just send a pin on a Google screenshot to let her know where I was. I think tracking people is intrusive.

No I didn’t, not at 25. I think there are even less benefits in a digital age.
So if a person is has lost contact and relative notices they are not communicating and contacts their accommodation for them to find them ?ill but can’t get help ?abducted and held captive

For a start I would contact home <weekly so no one would worry. I think these scenarios are so rare and I just can’t believe someone at home with flight details and a hotel address will be any use at all.

They can cause concern though if the travellers plans change.

*wouldn’t contact home

Oh come on:

"So, let's say you don't make your flight home and your phone is dead, and your DH doesn't hear anything from you for days, he decides to report you missing...."

What are the chances of ANY of the above happening. If she missed her flight she'd text Dh anyway.

This sounds like dire anxiety.