If you were travelling alone in a foreign country, would you let someone know your itinerary, in case something happened to you?

[TortugaRumCakeQueen]

When my Mum was alive, if I was going away, she would always ask which hotel we were going to (in case of emergency), and she would check in on our return date, to make sure we landed safely. As mobile phones came on the scene, I would just text my Mum "Landed".

I have a 25 y/o son, who went off to USA for a holiday recently, travelling alone and meeting up in various locations to meet friends from Uni. I said that he should let someone know his travel plans, just in case something happened, and he accused me of treating him like he's 9. I just thought that was sensible!

His text was quite sarcastic and implied that I have no faith in him as an adult. There is no back story. We usually get along fine etc.

In fairness, I probably think about the "what if's" more than most : my DH is a Police Officer and deals with missing people cases every day. It's amazing how many people don't know where their loved ones are. Can you imagine the conversation?

Parent : My child went on a trip but hasn't returned home
Police : Where did they go?
Parent : USA somewhere
Police : Whereabouts?
Parent : I don't know
Police : Who were they visiting?
Parent : I don't know
Police : What flight were they meant to be on?
Parent : I don't know

Just seems sensible to let someone know your plans. I didn't even say it had to me, it could be his Dad of GF, just someone!

When me and DH go on holiday, I always text the kids and tell them where we are going and when.

Maybe it's just my family history? DH's family never ask when he is due back from holiday, and in all honesty we could have been kidnapped abroad and it would be 6 months before his Dad would even notice we were missing.

This is true. However, having an anxious or doom-laden parent can be really wearing if every time you mention doing something they immediately come up with the drawbacks or risks (in their eyes, anyway).

Didn't want him taking his old battered case. Maybe I am babying him.

Yes, I think so. He's an adult, it's up to him what suitcases he uses.

Come on, you know that adults never get into accidents or go missing! Your son doesn't sound very mature or responsible, for one thing he thinks it's ok to let a 9 year old go on holiday alone as long as they tell someone where they're going! Not ready for parenthood, is he?

YANBU. Your DS should let you know, even if just roughly, where he’ll be and when so you have a back up in case you can’t get hold of him.

He’s young and clearly doesn’t fully appreciate risk, but it’s wise to let you know where you’ll be. When I interrailed around Eastern Europe age 19 I let my parents know my itinerary, same when (now) DH and I went backpacking around SE Asia aged 29! It’s just good sense.

I would hate this if I was travelling. . He's old enough to look after himself. I would however want him to agree to check his messages from time to time in case someone died at home .

Massive overreaction to the miffed text he sent. Just let him get on with it. You do sound controlling and a worrier

I'm with your son, to be honest. My mother freaked out that I went to Belgium on the train for a weekend to stay with a friend and didn't tell her I was going abroad.

Yet she was absolutely fine with me staying at the other end of the UK for a week on my own without letting her know?

She doesn't even have a passport, so it's not like she'd be able to come if there was a problem...

My parents' details are in the back of my passport, I travel with the appropriate documentation, and make sure those who I travel with or stay with know where to find them.

I just don't see taking a train within Western Europe to be an inherently risky experience. I take a bigger risk every time I walk home alone!

I appreciate your son was traveling in the USA, which is a bit further away, but presumably the friends he was visiting knew his itinerary?

Is there a reason you don't trust them to raise the alarm if he went missing?

I have to let people close to me know the details of where I'm going as I have fairly unstable chronic health conditions.. it's really annoying as I'm actually quite an independent minded and adventurous type of person!

How will letting the OP know his flight details keep him alive?

If you read the thread there's some who tell people all the details, others that don't. It's up to the individual adult to share what they wish.

Another point is that there may well be people who know what he's up to on his travels. Just because he's not telling his mother doesn't mean he's not telling anyone.

This thread seems to be populated with people who are convinced something terrible will always happen Out There! Good point made earlier about where you draw the line - day in London, shopping trip to local town etc. I carry bank cards, driving licence etc so if I am found dead in a ditch, then eventually the message will get back to whoever needs to know via some kind of authorities.
As for phone tracking, I can't think of anything I would like less.

Does nobody remember the days when the first anyone ever knew about your holiday was two weeks AFTER you got home ..... when the postcard arrived?! It was fab.
Let's all just chill & enjoy life 🙂

We always do and always have . So do our sons (far older than yours). We've all travelled all over the world. We leave an itinerary, and the contact numbers and policy ID for our travel health insurers and passport numbers. Our passports list a family member in UK as emergency contact .

Never count on a mobile phone as sole means of contact ; it can too easily get lost, stolen, broken.

  Ask your DC ,  should a family member back home  be seriously ill, injured or die while he's In USA,  does he want to be informed?

I never had plans at all when travelling, didn’t even know what country I’d be heading to next at times and often would end up locations without wifi at the last minute, so my parents often wouldn’t have a clue where I was. were very close and I’d keep in contact when I could, but often they’d have no idea where I was as I wouldn’t know where I was headed myself!

I know you're a worrier, and I know you're not going to change that, but it makes me feel like you don't take me seriously as an adult"

A responsible adult takes account of the needs and weaknesses of people he loves; and will kindly accommodate them at no real cost to himself. "Safely arrived in LA, xxx Son".

Exactly.

I feel like there's some sort of illusion of control effect going on here..

The reality is, if I was in some sort of pickle abroad, I wouldn't call my parents, I'd call a friend. They're more likely to a) speak the language b) live somewhere with good transport links and c) actually KNOW WHAT TO DO. They might even be able to find someone they knew who lived locally and could assist immediately.

If I wanted someone to panic and be well intended but useless, I'd call my parents. They haven't left the country for twenty years, and they only speak English.

Ok I kind of giggled at your son’s msg. He is sending you a very clear msg that he thinks you are being over the top. It may come from a place of love on your part, but it will drive a wedge in your relationship with him if you continue.

I think you both need to sit down after the trip and figure out a better way to communicate. It’s great that all sorts of people agree with you and are totally on board with sharing their itinerary with their family, but your son is clearly not in that same agreement and that is the only opinion that matters.

My advice is to talk to him and ask him share plans with you in the future. If he doesn’t then he doesn’t. And then you need to accept that he’s ok taking the risk if something goes wrong.

Unless you have something to hide, what is the problem with telling loved ones where you are going? Given the benefits, should something go wrong. If a person were to go missing, isn't it better to have some clue as to where in the world they are? How many times have we watched documentaries on this very subject, like The Missing or Disappeared. Imagine calling the Police and saying that your relative didn't come home from a trip, they should have been back at work but no one has seen them, and you have no idea where on the planet they were holidaying. As opposed to "They should have been on a flight from Jamaica to London on 10th September, but they never arrived. When they were there, they were staying at the Hilton in Ochi Rios"

Yes, you would have a clue where to start looking, my exact point!

@TortugaRumCakeQueen I think you are catastrophizing… the simple fact is this situation is unlikely to happen and if something does go horribly wrong the local authorities will know more than you do sooner than you do.

Times have changed. We always let people know where we are going and in the family we use Life 360. However, 20 years ago , before mobile phones, DS aged 19 went round the world and phoned us 3 times. We had no idea where he was or if he was safe. DD went to Australia for four months aged 35, still no mobile phones, but we chatted every Sunday morning over MSN messaging. I just got home to a complaint from DH about not putting an address in our shared electronic diary. We are all too used to being able to track each other.

He was visiting various friends, in different locations. Each person would know what date he was going to arrive at theirs, but they wouldn't know where he would be before or after. I have never met any of these people. I could look at his 500 FB friends and would have no idea who were the people he was with.

That's an easy answer. The problem is very simple - having out of date information is worse than no information at all.

Let's go for a more realistic scenario. I'm in Belgium on holiday. I fancy going to Paris for the day, and have told you this, but turns out the SCNF are on strike (again), so I go to Amsterdam instead, have too much wacky baccy and fall in a canal.

Assuming noone saw me drown, where are you going to send the police to look when I don't return from Belgium?

I know, right? God forbid that your Mum wants a rough idea of where you might be on the planet!