If you were travelling alone in a foreign country, would you let someone know your itinerary, in case something happened to you?

[TortugaRumCakeQueen]

When my Mum was alive, if I was going away, she would always ask which hotel we were going to (in case of emergency), and she would check in on our return date, to make sure we landed safely. As mobile phones came on the scene, I would just text my Mum "Landed".

I have a 25 y/o son, who went off to USA for a holiday recently, travelling alone and meeting up in various locations to meet friends from Uni. I said that he should let someone know his travel plans, just in case something happened, and he accused me of treating him like he's 9. I just thought that was sensible!

His text was quite sarcastic and implied that I have no faith in him as an adult. There is no back story. We usually get along fine etc.

In fairness, I probably think about the "what if's" more than most : my DH is a Police Officer and deals with missing people cases every day. It's amazing how many people don't know where their loved ones are. Can you imagine the conversation?

Parent : My child went on a trip but hasn't returned home
Police : Where did they go?
Parent : USA somewhere
Police : Whereabouts?
Parent : I don't know
Police : Who were they visiting?
Parent : I don't know
Police : What flight were they meant to be on?
Parent : I don't know

Just seems sensible to let someone know your plans. I didn't even say it had to me, it could be his Dad of GF, just someone!

When me and DH go on holiday, I always text the kids and tell them where we are going and when.

Maybe it's just my family history? DH's family never ask when he is due back from holiday, and in all honesty we could have been kidnapped abroad and it would be 6 months before his Dad would even notice we were missing.

Wouldn't they just call, email or text you though? If somewhere was so remote that it didn't have Wi-Fi or mobile data I can imagine it the accommodation wouldn't be easy to contact via telephone.

"I'm just taking you seriously as an adult. You don't need your mum to do things for you, you're grown up and independent"

I like this.

It can take 5 days to get the permission to track someone's phone though. Precious time lost, in a life or death situation.

I didn't do that but my friend seemed to do that. I guess it depends on the relationship and personality

Thank you. Me and DH were abroad a few weeks ago. I texted son our hotel name and also where to find important documents and some cash I had hidden, should something happen to us. It takes two mins!

One more thing, I would feel the same way as your son did. He's 25 I think he's old enough to be responsible for his own safety.

How would I respond to that? "Have a good flight, love Mum x"

Leave him to it, he's having a little moment of individuating, let him get on with it.

However, this also means he's now absolutely in charge of his own new suitcase, spending money, hiring a moving van and cleaning the new place next time he moves.

Swings and roundabouts, for both of you.

However, this also means he's now absolutely in charge of his own new suitcase, spending money, hiring a moving van and cleaning the new place next time he moves.

I mean like at 25 that's not a punishment but should be a norm..

Thank you for understanding. It felt really shit to read at 630am this morning. I was tempted to snap back, but didn't. As yet I haven't replied, as I just don't know what to say. It just feels so disrespectful, and I know I'd never have sent a text like that to my Mum. My old Dad can be very overbearing with me, asking about where I am, and expecting me to always reply to calls within minutes. I don't have a go at him, because I know it is only because he loves me. Even if I do feel like saying, I'm 52, you don't need to keep checking on me, lol. To be clear, had he been travelling with a companion, I would not have suggested that he tell anyone about the plans. It was the fact he was travelling solo that got me thinking it would be wise to share his plans with someone, anyone, not necessarily me.

I always do, my parents and brother and friend have my hotels' addresses and travel dates.
They also know my means on travel and rough itinerary.
Last year my neighbor disappeared in Portugal, no one noticed for 10 days...

Hmm. Many moons ago I travelled to 8 countries for gap year. I don't think I ever told anyone where I was.

Was he found? That totally highlights the point doesn't it?

Btw I'm sorry, (yes I know hurtful) but I think his texts are really funny, and I'd expect similar off Uni ds1.

@BosaNova not a fan of punishments, more setting needed boundaries

Do you remember the terrorist attack in Tunisia? My children were in Tunisia at the time, with their Dad. I knew what hotel they were at, so I knew instantly that they were not in harms way. It's that kind of thing as well, isn't it? I can imagine a scenario where if I didn't know whether that was their hotel, and their mobiles were in the safe, it could have been 6 hours until I'd known whether they could have been caught up in the whole thing.

I provide relatives or friends with flight details & hotels. If anything changes, a quick email with new info suffices.
They also have a list of my credit card numbers, EHIC & passport details. At least if it all gets nicked I can call them & they can give me the numbers...
When I was younger I used to give my parents far less info as I didn't see the point but they always had my bank card & passport details as friends had had real problems when their wallets got stolen.

When my sister and her husband go on one of their long trips she send us her itinerary.

I always send my DM a document containing relevant passport details, NI numbers and insurance details. Plus an itinerary for the trip, usually with hotel contact information etc. Plus we'd usually say when we had landed safely etc. She does the same for her and DF to us. My DB on the other hand is doing well if he's let us know he's going abroad.
I always figure I know the information because I've booked it and planned it and if, god forbid, something happened the last thing I'd want is my parents scrabbling around trying to find information or details. Doesn't take me more than a few minutes to out together so the benefits outweigh the costs.

I'm on the son's side here. I loved the freedom to travel when I was younger. My parents were nothing but delighted to hear what I'd ben up to on the random occasions i gor in touch. People who over-worry can cross into controlling and stifling behaviour. My inlaws track our plane landing and send texts when they've landed/arrived etc. It's far too much for me. They are not children and are perfectly capable of getting themselves from A to B without so much attention expected from others.

I also don't think there is a connection between this and other things you do for him, which are you choice to make.
Not saying you should do all of the other stuff. I just think an attitude of 'well if you're so grown up you don't feel you need to report your whereabouts in a way you find stifling but which i expect, then I won't help you move house ' is irrational and controlling in itself.

Let others breathe and live their lives.

You just have to trust his judgment. He may change his mind in the future and give you details but if he feels hassled he won't.

It's not likely that he'd leave his mobile in a hotel room safe nowadays. Roaming is more accessible and Wi-Fi widely available in the US.

And that kind of thing is exactly why I furnish my kids with my whereabouts. I wouldn't wish the kind of worry and panic that they might feel in those circumstances, on anyone.
Some of the countries I visit are slightly concerning for them. They might be prone to natural disasters or terrorism. My kids understand and tolerate my passion for traveling to unusual places, often alone, but the very least I can do is provide them with the information that in the (still unlikely) event of anything happening in the news, would spare them having to worry unnecessarily about me.

Absolutely this. I wouldn't be impressed with his sarcastic attitude either.

I worked in Australia for a year then did a couple of months of travelling used to phone my parents every Sunday and did send them a rough route as had limited time so had booked internal flights I had to make.
Now go as family usually give my dates and the area or just forward our booking details. My in laws usually know the dates because they pet sit and know roughly where we are.

No, because 1) the chances of anything happening are tiny and 2) I'm not sure what other people would be expected to do about it.
I recently went away in Europe on my own for a few days - my husband knew the day I was due back, and the city I was visiting, but he had no idea where I was staying. I am a grown up, so there was no need for him to know. If we go away together, we don't usually let anyone know - if we get blown up or something, it wouldn't help.

He sounds bloody rude to me

I'm would respond with ' don't be so rude to your mother! It's basic good manners to let the people who care about you know that you're ok and where you are'