People who won't leave a restaurant when their child is kicking up

[JanetSally]

I was having dinner in a restaurant the other evening. A couple at another table had a small baby with them in a buggy. The mother had just fed the baby and put him back down but he wasn't happy and started crying, the noise escalating and escalating. The parents, who had finished their meal, very slowly finished their coffee/wine before leaving the restaurant despite the fact that people were turning around and looking at them.

I was in a cafe recently with a friend when her toddler started tantrumming. I said I was nearly finished and happy to go, but my friend said no, we'd paid for our food and were entitled to stay. She just wasn't budging, so I took her child outside while she finished every bit of her cake.

Why do some people do this? It's very unfair on everyone else in the restaurant.

I voted that the people keeping their crying baby in the opera were unreasonable (as people have actually paid to enjoy the sound!) but restaurants and cafes are for children too so YABU. All this judgment is the reason parents feel like they need to put screens in front of children the second they aren't silent. Tolerance needed- we were all children once.

I say that as someone who didn't take my young children out for meals ever as I felt as if everyone was glaring if they made any noise. If I had my time again I'd do it :(

This is why some places are childfree.

I don't think anyone expects children to stop being children. We expect adults to understand how to deal with their children being disruptive in restaurants etc

And feel free to start a thread about rude adults in restaurants.

There is no fucking general rule about where a parent can take their baby. Did you make that one up?
Er, yes, she did. See the bit where she says 'The general rule should be'?
That's your clue.

SO TRUE!

I have left restaurants because of this, I feel so sorry for the staff. A restaurant near us put up a sign saying they welcomed "well behaved children" and there was a near riot on the local facebook page.

I think sitting in the lavatory with the child until it calms down would be considerate of other passengers.

Nobody is saying parents can’t go out, people are saying they should have some consideration for others around them.

it’s also not particulary fair on the child to leave them getting increasingly distressed anyway

Restaurants and cafes really are not for babies. I have been there with a sleeping baby, but also standing outside when a baby is crying. Babies get no enjoyment from being in a restaurant.
I find if children are used to eating at a table at home, they are far more likely to be fine in cafes and restaurants. If they are not they are often difficult.

These threads always seem to turn into people making things up, manufacturing outrage and saying, 'Oh so babies and children shouldn't be allowed anywhere/should be spirited away unless they're being totally silent?!'
In fact what most people are saying here is, yes, some noise is fine in most public contexts; but a full-on tantrum/screaming/running riot isn't.

This.
It is totally shit for the baby and child.
The parent is putting themselves before other adults there and before the child.

Thank you.

My Aunt was one of these mums. recently at my DGGD funeral a clip of my wedding was played where he was doing a reading and you could hear one of my cousins screaming and see another wandering around at the front grabbing flowers. None of us batted an eyelid but the cousins, now all in their 20s were mortified and said that this shit has marred their lives as they are known as being rude and out of control - something that stuck! It's horribly unfair on the DC, not helpful and kind.

@Cw112 ^ 100% this
I have a 7 month old baby and I take her everywhere with me. If she was to cry I would take her out her pram and breastfeed her and this settles her every time. I don’t even have a baby that cries a lot but I’m so annoyed by the arrogance on this thread and their sense of entitlement. I’m assuming the ones moaning don’t have kids??

Yes they were tantrumming. Partly because they weren't allowed play with the sugar bowl and partly because they were tired and bored.

I would never, ever stay in a restaurant with my child being loud enough to disturb others. Theres a way to behave in a restaurant and if kids cant manage that they should not be in there. And dont anyone come at me with "special needs". One of mine is autistic. When/if he kicks up at a restaurant he goes straight outside with either me or my husband, just like my neurotypical kids. They know we sit on our chairs, we dont shput, we say please/thank you etc. The entitlement of people suggesting other diners should habe to deal with their kids noise is astounding to me.

Same, except my dd is nearly 7 months old and still in the "difficult" phase. According to this thread, I should just sit at home, waiting for pnd to truly set in.

I've been out with friends and dd a grand total of 5 times since she was born. But I'll remember not to do it again until she's at least 4. Especially not to cafes or restaurants (where or course I can feed her, change her etc - which really isn't very easy in the park in the middle of winter).

I don't disagree in cases where the parents have finished, or they are just ignoring the child. Or on transport, where they're clearly just trying to get to where they're going. But you can sit down and order while dc are perfectly content but 2 minutes later they're creating hell. Apparently I should just leave, waste my money, not eat and scuttle back home so as not to slightly inconvenience anyone else.

Why can't you go anywhere? There are loads of places aimed at kids and mums. We have one local cafe that is always full of mums and kids. I would not go there now my kids are teenagers.

I've seen it all now.

I would leave.

You forgot option D) The posters who will come on to shout about the med and how children are always well behaved and welcome in eateries there.

I was recently in Spain and Greece and there are at least 3 fundamental differences

1. An outdoor culture due to better climate, so children are often for example running around the square/ playing in the fountains while adults eat and drink alfresco in the evening. Much easier to tolerate noise outdoors
2. Children sleep in the day much older so are better rested at 8 or 9pm.
3. Other diners are much more likely to interact and distract fractious toddlers than tut loudly.

Although when my kids were young we only occasionally went to cafes because of a lack of money. We still went round friends houses and to toddler groups.

I genuinely think that sometimes new parents become so used to regular, loud crying that they forget that the majority of people aren't living that reality at the moment, and really don't want to hear it.

I do have kids, and im sure most of the posters commenting do. If people are paying for babysitters and leaving their own children at home there is nothing worse than trying to enjoy your meal listening to someone elses brats screaming.

Personally I have walked out weather it is booked or not booked, I get no enjoyment from listening to kids especially other peoples.

Families are much more likely to be living in flats without room to meet at each other's home these days.