People who won't leave a restaurant when their child is kicking up

[JanetSally]

I was having dinner in a restaurant the other evening. A couple at another table had a small baby with them in a buggy. The mother had just fed the baby and put him back down but he wasn't happy and started crying, the noise escalating and escalating. The parents, who had finished their meal, very slowly finished their coffee/wine before leaving the restaurant despite the fact that people were turning around and looking at them.

I was in a cafe recently with a friend when her toddler started tantrumming. I said I was nearly finished and happy to go, but my friend said no, we'd paid for our food and were entitled to stay. She just wasn't budging, so I took her child outside while she finished every bit of her cake.

Why do some people do this? It's very unfair on everyone else in the restaurant.

It’s not normal but then again, threads like this really show the true colours of some of the people we brush shoulders with in public.

I’d much rather be sat next to a mother with an upset baby and a loud toddler than be sat next to many of the women on this thread.

It's not common yet a number of posters here have said that when their kids kick off, they don't care if it annoys others because they have as much right as others.

I've never seen a parent totally ignore a baby crying but I've seen those who just rock the pushchair until baby finally fall asleep whilst continuing to eat/talk, or just doing some shhh, but it making no difference.

Its not affecting me much any longer because indeed, I've taken to going out at times and places where this is more unlikely to happen.

Can I remind posters that @JanetSally has indeed seen two examples of parents allowing children to cry. In her OP:

A couple at another table had a small baby with them in a buggy. The mother had just fed the baby and put him back down but he wasn't happy and started crying, the noise escalating and escalating. The parents, who had finished their meal, very slowly finished their coffee/wine before leaving the restaurant despite the fact that people were turning around and looking at them.

I was in a cafe recently with a friend when her toddler started tantrumming. I said I was nearly finished and happy to go, but my friend said no, we'd paid for our food and were entitled to stay. She just wasn't budging

Unless you think that the OP is lying? There are at least 2 examples of absent or ineffective parenting, and selfish entitled parents.

Genuinely where are these multiple posters saying they don’t care when their child kicks off? I haven’t seen one.
They DO have as much right to be there, sometimes children make noise that is different to adults by default but I would say 99% of the time it does bother parents when their child is crying or having a tantrum.

100%.

I would love to hear the parents side of the story.
It’s very likely that mother of the crying baby didn’t proceed to drink her wine/coffee very slowly before leaving the restaurant. She probably left as quick as she could but not quick enough for the OP who couldn’t stand to hear a baby cry. Poor mother probably felt horrified with all the judgemental looks and people turning around and staring at her.

It is 2022 - you can both see and hear children now.

Thank you. Obviously the majority of parents are considerate and aware of others in restaurants.
But some are not and will then go to any lengths to defend their behaviour "oh everyone's lying" "everyone's exaggerating" "everyone hates children" etc etc etc

The fact that almost 3 quarters of the poll agree with me is reassuring. Unfortunately the rude minority of parents just do not want to know, and will continue to annoy and upset other customers, arrogantly dismissing them as miserable child haters.

Thankfully they are the minority and most people are thoughtful and well mannered.

Wondering if the poll will now suddenly change as some disgruntled posters get to work 😄

I wonder if your ‘friend’ went home and said to her family how lovely it was for you to do that so she could enjoy her cake in peace and what a good friend you are and then here you are calling her selfish.

I doubt it. She obviously thought I was overreacting and should have stayed and finished my coffee.

And I didn't do it so she could finish her cake. I did it so the other customers could enjoy their food in peace.

God forbid you do your own friend a favour so she can eat a bloody slice of cake.

I would happily do her a favour so she could eat a slice of cake, all things being equal.
On this occasion she wanted us both to sit there finishing our cake while her toddler disrupted the whole place. I chose to forego the rest of my cake and coffee out of consideration for the other customers.

How selfish of me!

Tbh I think the way your poll is worded is very difficult to vote on. I voted yanbu because nobody should be ignoring a child and leaving a baby to just scream until distress with no attempt to settle them. But I did feel it was unreasonable of you to expect your friend to leave immedediately before she finished her food just because you had which is what many people have said they disagreed with. So I'm not sure the results are an accurate representation of the two different issues at hand through the thread which to me are a) ignoring children to scream and b) should mothers leave when their kids are being noisy despite the circumstances? I also think there's clear differences in how long people expect a mum to try and shh a baby for. Like a few posts back for example "I've seen those who just rock the pushchair until baby finally fall asleep whilst continuing to eat/talk, or just doing some shhh, but it making no difference" - that did make a difference because it put the child to sleep and quietened them in this instance. Settling a crying baby takes time and it seems some people expect you to rush outside into the rain as someone suggested earlier in the thread to settle them there which is just madness to think that would work.

I think it was perfectly clear that I was talking about people not leaving a restaurant when their child is kicking up. It was there in the title as well. And I didn't say I'd finished my food. I said I told my friend I was finished and happy to go.

It's selfish and inconsiderate parenting, sadly the 'me first and only me matters' mindset. How you could imagine it's ok to force people in a restaurant to listen to your screaming offspring is mind boggling.

And yet they manage to twist it around to imply other people are the selfish ones. The lack of self awareness is staggering.

Is that addressed to me? Where did I even suggest never mind advocate hitting children? That is a disgraceful accusation.

In fact your accusation that I'm an abusive parent is libel. I've reported your post and if you repeat it I will take it further.
Do not address me again.

You’re ridiculous. My statement has damned your reputation in what way?

You don't think accusing someone on a public website of advocating hitting children and possibly being an abusive parent is damning?
Well perhaps a solicitor's letter to mumsnet might clear that up for you.

Anyhow I've pmd you as this really shouldn't be discussed online.