People who won't leave a restaurant when their child is kicking up

[JanetSally]

I was having dinner in a restaurant the other evening. A couple at another table had a small baby with them in a buggy. The mother had just fed the baby and put him back down but he wasn't happy and started crying, the noise escalating and escalating. The parents, who had finished their meal, very slowly finished their coffee/wine before leaving the restaurant despite the fact that people were turning around and looking at them.

I was in a cafe recently with a friend when her toddler started tantrumming. I said I was nearly finished and happy to go, but my friend said no, we'd paid for our food and were entitled to stay. She just wasn't budging, so I took her child outside while she finished every bit of her cake.

Why do some people do this? It's very unfair on everyone else in the restaurant.

What a drama queen. No one, absolutely no one, has said children shouldn't be taken out and about. Many of us are simply saying that if they're screaming or tantrumming in a restaurant a parent should bring them outside.
No need for a pity party.

Stop being so dramatic, there are loads of places you could go.

Some of the views shared on this thread are why some mothers (I include myself) rarely have the courage to sit in a cafe/restaurant for a meal, for fear the baby might cry just as food is being brought to the table and the reaction this will bring on from other diners. When in such a situation I've always tried to calm baby by either feeding it, changing it or keeping it entertained. When in your own that's not always easy either. I now only go to places where I've experienced a friendly atmosphere towards families. In the evenings if we ever have gone out, we've booked at 6pm and leave by 7pm because we otherwise often feel unwelcome.

Presuming that noise is deemed the interrupting factor in this discussion as to why parents aren't always welcome with their (noisy) babies and children in restaurants/cafe type of establishments, can we then also add that those who are there speaking loudly into their phone on speakerphone, or recording voice notes, or having audible work calls sharing sensitive (probably confidential at times) information, are also all pretty disruptive to a quiet environment that some seem to seek?

I know some on this thread referenced how attitudes to children's noise in restaurants (or in general) is different in the Med; I grew up in Spain and have to say that you do see more children out later in the evening as that's just the typical eating culture, with meals being consumed later than in, say, Northern European countries. Sometimes kids are indeed running around and yes, often no one bats an eyelid as it's seen as normal behaviour. Everyone seems busy and focused on their meals and company rather than noise.

You are spot on . Britain is becoming so unfriendly towards children . It’s like people are going backwards

When dd was little we took her to a local restaurant, sat at a table with a bench seat, with her in her car seat. She didn't cry, was too interested in eating breadsticks. Later, I always had a notebook in my bag for drawing, hangman, noughts and crosses, etc. Had she screamed, run around etc, we'd have stayed at home.
However at home she always sat at a table to eat.

Such as?

Culture has changed. People go out for coffee now.
It has nothing to do with space. People lived in flats in the past too you know. Many flats and tower blocks have been knocked down now.

And this post is helpful how exactly ?

You are so right . It’s 100% a cultural thing , I grew up and have family in Mediterranean countries , from Spain to Portugal Italy Cyprus children are part of the family and tolerated as being children including noise , often seen with parents in the evening .
it’s very sad that some people seem to not like children at all or just think their own commodity is more important than a child’s

My Husband and me stopped off at a pub we had often visited in the past as they do a good carvery there. However it was a very unpleasant experience as a family of two small children aged about 4 or five were running around bumping into tables , one ran into my hubby who fortunately wasn't carrying food at the time, but the most alarming thing was that they [ a boy and girl ]were also running in and out of male and female toilets. It amazed me how the parents nor the staff made any attempt to try to stop them from behaving in this way. I know a lot of pubs are now " child friendly " and people have a right to take their children out to places to eat, but other people have paid for their meal too and surely it is their right to eat in relative peace. There is a vast difference in normal child behaviour and throwing tantrums or running amok. Needless to say we will not be visiting said pub again.

I think this is the major difference. I really saw a big divide in young children and how they behaved at meal times if they were used to sitting and eating at a table at home or not.

Exactly, I don't think anybody has suggested that children are 'locked in the attic with nanny' until they're socially-developed.

Nobody has even said that children shouldn't be in these venues (although I think, realistically, some places just really aren't suitable for kids). All people are asking is that, as a parent, you are attuned to the impact your child's behaviour will have on others and act accordingly. That isn't unreasonable.

To bring 'misogyny' into it (although it was only a matter of time before someone did!) is nonsense too. This thread is about PARENTS, not specifically mothers (obviously if you're a single mother then the responsibility for your child's behaviour will fall to you by default but this still can't be blamed on 'misogyny').

Exactly and why people who don’t like children noise should only go to those

Staff do nothing because parents who allow this tend to be pretty horrible to staff if you say anything. You do not get paid enough in jobs to take that shit.

But it is very dangerous for the children. And I never understand why these parents do not realise how dangerous it is for the kids to be running around while people are carrying hot food and drinks,

Are you serious? Children nowadays seem to be allowed everywhere and to make as much noise as they like. When I was small there was no way a child would be allowed disrupt a whole restaurant. And if a neighbour told off a badly behaved child the parents backed them up. They didn't go around grandstanding about their child's rights.

And people who think kids should be able to run around and scream always complain about places that do not let children in.

No, people are becoming less tolerant of a small number of willfully-ignorant, disrespectful and entitled parents. The children are the symptom, not the problem.

What are you on about ? A meal out is a social event , and as far as I tem we children are part of society and their own families !! Wow just wow

Anywhere you like, no one is saying children and babies should not be in restaurants, they are saying they need to be controlled.

Sorry but a baby crying should not upset anyone enough that they ask pate ts to leave . Unless that person is nit NT then it’s on them to learn to tolerate noise as a baby crying

And where do you suggest my 13 year old who due to his autism struggles with noises like children crying and screaming (and even worse running around) goes?

I agree that it depends on the type of establishment. If I was in a Brewers Fayre for example where there's a play area, I'd expect some noise and wouldn't bat an eyelid at it. In a Miller & Carter where you're paying a premium for a nice meal out, I'd probably hope that parents would take their children away to calm them down.

I must admit, this is where DS's Kindle has been a saviour for us. Although he's used to us going to noisier places like a Frankie and Benny's or Brewers Fayre, we hadn't really dined in any quieter establishments for us, and on holiday recently, when we could see he was getting a little restless, out came the Kindle with jigsaws and drawing apps and videos he could watch with his headset on. I'm long past caring what others think of devices at the table!

Funny as I go out to have lunch or dinner at least 4 times a week and Rafaela see this , seems to be only on mumsnet that people witness this rioting children 🤷🏻‍♀️

"Children; they have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise. They no longer rise when elders enter the room, they contradict their parents and tyrannize their teachers. Children are now tyrants.”

Socrates 470 BC
How old are you OP ?

Yes they were tantrumming. Partly because they weren't allowed play with the sugar bowl and partly because they were tired and bored.

That's just bad parenting then. You're not wrong.