People who won't leave a restaurant when their child is kicking up

[JanetSally]

I was having dinner in a restaurant the other evening. A couple at another table had a small baby with them in a buggy. The mother had just fed the baby and put him back down but he wasn't happy and started crying, the noise escalating and escalating. The parents, who had finished their meal, very slowly finished their coffee/wine before leaving the restaurant despite the fact that people were turning around and looking at them.

I was in a cafe recently with a friend when her toddler started tantrumming. I said I was nearly finished and happy to go, but my friend said no, we'd paid for our food and were entitled to stay. She just wasn't budging, so I took her child outside while she finished every bit of her cake.

Why do some people do this? It's very unfair on everyone else in the restaurant.

Because some people seem to develop this weird entitlement bubble when they have a child. They seem to believe their child is a prince/princess and must be revered by all, and is entitled to be anywhere they so please, in spite of the ensuing behaviour. I have friends like it and I won’t allow their destructive horrible children into my home anymore.

Restaurants should have the right to refuse to accept children after a certain time, 8pm maybe, in the same way they should chuck out ueber loud adults.

Loud groups of adults can be annoying but that's not the topic at hand.

It's like saying "I don't mind stubbing my toe because papercuts are worse"

Besides, it's horses for courses. If you goto softplay or the park then, whilst the noise might grate, you have to expect screams and squeals. If you goto a pub in the evening then, you'd probably have to accept loud manly 'bants' and shrieking 'look at me' women (as annoying as both might be).

Most by where I live do, I fully agree with that

Such a lazy argument.

Nah. I consider my position on topics very careful in MN and in life generally. It's my actual view, NOT a lazy argument. You just don't like it because you think as an adult you are more entitled to be in the world than smaller people and of course your behaviour as an adult, and mine, and everyone else's is going to be impeccable I'm sure (not).

There's actually a Turkish restaurant near me (very nice it is too) that advertises itself as 'child unfriendly'. They will take family bookings but don't offer high-chairs, a kids menu or other 'child' facilities.

Needless to say the business hasn't suffered because of it!

Sounds blissful!

I don't believe I'm more entitled to be in the world that a child. However, if I was to start running around a restaurant or to get up on my chair and start singing then I would be (rightfully) asked to leave.

It's understandable the babies (and, to some extent, very young children) don't have to capacity to understand how their behaviour affects others. It therefore falls to the parents to monitor and act accordingly.

A baby’s cry has evolved to grab and keep attention. When it cries in a restaurant it is near impossible for most people to ignore because we are hardwired to respond. Of course they are going to disturb other diners, and people are so self absorbed now they don’t give a shit

Get the. out! Bring them back when they can behave

I also think context matters. I think in any given cafe mid day its reasonable to expect mum's and their kids to be there and good behaviour is unfortunately never guaranteed. I also think as a mum sometimes it's such a big deal to get out of the house and socialise with or at least around other adults that I can totally see why they'd want to stay for as long as they can or at least finish their food. It's good for maternal mental health to be out and about. I get what people are saying about a fancy restaurant and that but what about special occasions if you're ebf? Do you just say no to everything or do you give it a try. One of my friends came out for a meal on my hen and brought her baby because the little one wouldn't take a bottle and she couldn't have come otherwise and it meant so much to me that she did that. Wee one slept all meal but it could easily have been the opposite. What about people who are on holidays? Should they spend it sitting in a hotel room and get room service incase their child plays up or are they allowed to get out and enjoy their holiday? I wouldn't leave a child sitting in distress if they're crying buckets but I would fully give myself a bit of time to try and settle them down before I called the entire meal a fail and left. I'm also diabetic so for me it wouldn't be as simple as leaving my food that I've paid for and heading on- I would need to eat the food and then wait before being able to drive home. I don't think mum's should always be rushed into apologising for their child's emotions and rushing to hide them away when most mums do the best they can to help their child regulate. I know the noise is annoying- but the mum will likely feel it even more than other diners. I know if mine plays up my face would be burning faster than anyone could turn to look at me, but children do have a right to exist in our society as well. I think we're long past the days of children always being seen and not heard. If I saw another mother in that position I'd be more inclined to offer to hold the baby while she eats or rock the pram for her for a while than glare at her until she felt uncomfortable enough to leave feeling gutted.

I’ve got up and left myself on occasions. Simply cannot enjoy a meal and conversation with a small infant screaming it’s head off and it’s parents deliberately ignoring it.

What would you do with your own kids OP?

Depends on the restaurant and time really ,if you go to a child friendly place that often have soft play around tea time than you cant really expect peace and quiet ,obviously if you are going to an expensive ,fine dining restaurant ,than yes noisy children shouldnt be allowed to spoil it for others

Absurd.

There are standards of public decorum. Children aren't exempt.

been going out a LOT to cafes, restaurants, pubs etc since my teens ranging from fancy central ones to local cheap eats and have never been disturbed by a baby or toddlers.

I've never felt disturbed by a child, it's the parents' behaviour that's sometimes disturbing.
Children do not disturb anyone when they're reasonably happy and looked after and not a danger to themselves and others. They're just really cute.
What's really awful is seeing children that are unhappy, tired, not enjoying themselves at all being forced to endure their parent's meal/shopping trip (not talking about a parent quickly grabbing food in the coop here).
It's just so sad to see children's needs being ignored.

It was a couple not just a mother why is she solely responsible for the child's behaviour

This sounds exactly right tbh.

No it's not. Parents and children are not exempt from standards of decent public behaviour. Shrieking and crying are distressing to others and it's beyond rude to inflict on strangers for one's selfish purposes.

There's noise and there's noise, come off it

I also think it depends. I would not be bothered in a cafe where I am just having a coffee and cake, I would expect some noise from other patrons. I would be less happy in a restaurant, but even then if it is the type of restaurant that allows prams and babies in the first place, then I am probably not there for a quiet romantic dinner anyway.

I am not one of those parents, I am not a parent at all and am not particular child tolerant. But I think if I go out then I am going to encounter noise from other people.

I would have said something to the people letting a newborn cry without comforting it.

How is it not?? The first 3 years of parenting are bloody hard, not everyone has access to childcare. Why shouldn't mum's (who let's be honest take the brunt of the parenting most of the time) be able to go out and enjoy themselves. Being a mum can be really isolating as it is, so hard on your mental health and relationship and now you'd have us stay home minding the children for 3 years and call us selfish for daring to venture out of the house to feel like a normal adult once in a while? That's misogynistic if ever I heard it because you know women would be more impacted by this than men by the pure nature of breast feeding and hormones.

Parents with screaming sprogs should. Those who don't are entitled twats