People who won't leave a restaurant when their child is kicking up

[JanetSally]

I was having dinner in a restaurant the other evening. A couple at another table had a small baby with them in a buggy. The mother had just fed the baby and put him back down but he wasn't happy and started crying, the noise escalating and escalating. The parents, who had finished their meal, very slowly finished their coffee/wine before leaving the restaurant despite the fact that people were turning around and looking at them.

I was in a cafe recently with a friend when her toddler started tantrumming. I said I was nearly finished and happy to go, but my friend said no, we'd paid for our food and were entitled to stay. She just wasn't budging, so I took her child outside while she finished every bit of her cake.

Why do some people do this? It's very unfair on everyone else in the restaurant.

A baby crying is not just noise, it's, by design, an extremely distressing noise that sets people's nerves on edge. The general rule should be that as far as possible you don't take a baby to any public place if it's likely to disturb people by crying. Not even a Pizza Hut for lunch on a Saturday. A restaurant visit is a recreation, it's not a necessity, you don't impact other people so you can have a good time. (Children being generally rowdy is a separate issue, OK to be in public at times and places where children are to be expected.)

No-one wants to listen to brats wailing.

Take them out ffs.

But even in Pizza Hut surely a baby screaming his lungs off or a toddler kicking up murder should be brought outside. It's not fair on everyone else to just stay.

I don’t think I’d mind, especially if the parents are still eating/drinking. Babies cry, toddlers have tantrums and at the end of the day it’s not going to last forever so I don’t mind.

If it really bothers you, maybe worth going somewhere less baby/child friendly.

A short period of crying would be unlikely to bother me, personally. It can get too much after a while.

I was pretty lucky myself though as mine were always happy in restaurants so long as there was nice food!

Why do some people do this?
Being the parent of a baby is tiring, I don't remember being on peak form when mine where tiny.
Generally people are older than biology intended when they have their children, so it's extra tiring.
There's this school of parenting that says little babies need to be taken to primark and nandos and costa otherwise they won't become well-rounded people.

But mostly I think your friend gave you the answer, their entitlement to enjoy themselves trumps everything, including their child's needs.

Of course you're not unreasonable but you will inevitably reminded that 'you were a child too'.

Of course you will also get the 'Kids have as much right to be in the restaurant as you do'. Whilst this is questionable, presuming it is true, if I stood up on my chair and belted out my best rendition of 'Sweet Caroline' (complete with 'So Good's) then I'd expect to be asked to leave.

'Rights' and entitlement should never negate respect for those around you.

Unfortunately there are a small subsect of parents who believe that their child is entitled to 'express themselves' as much as they want, wherever they want and tough luck if you happen to be in the vicinity.

It's a shame really as I've seen so many tables of families in pubs, restaurants etc. who are brilliantly behaved and it's lovely to witness. The problem is, because of the minority of selfish entitled wankers parents, my heart now sinks whenever I'm seated next to a family with children...and that's a shame.

Doesn’t bother me if babies are crying or toddlers tantruming…. I tune it out, feel sorry for the parents and thank fuck it’s not my kids.

I don’t take my kids anywhere that’s not family friendly where some noise is expected and I try to keep them quietish. We wouldn’t leave if they were being noisy but we’d be trying to quiet them and would finish as quickly as possible - I wouldn’t leave food though.

@Getoff The general rule should be that as far as possible you don't take a baby to any public place if it's likely to disturb people by crying. Not even a Pizza Hut for lunch on a Saturday. A restaurant visit is a recreation, it's not a necessity, you don't impact other people so you can have a good time.

Since when is the general rule that you aren’t allowed in a public place with a baby??
I think you’re living one your own world with that one.
Comfort/ bounce a baby to calm then, try to bring a toddler back down to a normal headspace during a tantrum, leave if things escalate to the point of screaming that can’t be sorted but you don’t need to banish mothers from public for the first three years that’s fucking mental 😂

A grandchild with silent reflux and cmpa brought challenges. I’ve taken him out and walked him round in his pram, in the dark, while his parents finished their meal. Son in law came out and took over to let me have my meal.
A waiter brought us complimentary drinks to thank us for being considerate to other diners!
On the other hand we’ve been subjected to a screaming child left in its pram while it’s mother and grandmother slowly and fastidiously ate every crumb on their plates. Not a hair was turned, Only when they’d finished did they pick the poor little mite up. I could tell by its cry it was a very young baby.
Other parents letting junior run riot as hot food is being brought out by the servers.
I don’t mind a crying child if the parents at least tryto do something, it’s the ones who ignore it that annoy me.

I agree with you op if they are crying to that extent or the toddler is massively kicking off but I wouldn't if the toddler was just whingeing. It's why often parents of young kids will stick them in font of a device which gets judged too!

As an aside to my previous comment; 'Family Friendly' means that a venue welcomes families, provides kid's menus and facilities for children. It doesn't (as certain people in my local 'family friendly' pub seem to be believe) translate to 'creche' or 'playground'.

Children's noise doesn't really bother me but I wish the adults who need to swear at the top of their voices, talk about their sex lives and generally attention seek would shut up. They've usually had too much to drink I think so maybe we can't expect any better.

Broadly I think yanbu

It slightly depends on the kind of place and time of day. So a kid focussed cafe in the middle of the day, some degree of child noise would be expected. A restaurant in the evening, definitely not, and everything else in between.

So your example 1, definitely those parents were U. Your example 2 is maybe on the edge if it was a noisy tantrum.

I think what also sticks out is the parent in each seemingly made little effort to quiet the child in the setting either - just ignored them and carried on with their food/ drink.

Yes a friend of mine has stopped advertising his restaurant as family friendly. He simply meant they provided changing facilities, high chairs etc but some parents took it to mean that the restaurant was primarily for parents with small children and made no attempt to keep them quiet or stop them from running around. He also had the indignant "why are they in a family friendly restaurant then?" when customers objected to unruly children being allowed ruin their meal.

No doubt these are the same parents who take huge umbrage at restaurants that ban young children.

It's the people who just refuse to pick their baby up that annoy me. A lot of the time the baby just needs a cuddle. The parents must be doing CIO from birth, but it's distressing for other people.

Oh boohoo ! Babies cry and toddlers throw tantrums and guess what they still are a part of society and to learn to behave they must be put in social situations . Maybe ignoring them is the best for that specific child ? It works at times .
I don’t get why you think you are not entitled to eat than the parents of the kids , I’m sure they paid teh same as you .

No. They don't LEARN how to behave, they are TAUGHT how to behave.

If a child is running about, screaming, shouting and spoiling other people's experience they they haven't learned how to behave and need to be taught.

Nobody is saying that kids should be seen and not heard, just that parents should be respectful and, you know...PARENT.

Wow, thank god you were never a baby 🤣

I was always aware that whilst I could tolerate my own DCs "noise" other people may find it somewhat grating.

I once read a post that said, if only other parents knew how little I want to listen to their boisterous little bastards DCs, whilst i am trying to eat in peace. I agree with that.

My DCs did kick off, they saved it up for the big ones (think wedding receptions).

They were always promptly carted off in the horizontal stiff like a board position when they go red and hold their breath tucked under one of my arms, straight outside until they could calm down. I don't know how many times I have said, you'll never be able to dine with the Queen 😉

I get really fed up of people thinking that children should some how magically be very un-children like at the drop of that hat and not make noise or behave in a normal way.

Kids are humans, we have to co-exist with them, and I think there needs to be a bit more of sucking up a crying child nearby.

I get far more irritated by adults speaking loudly (usually talking absolute garbage) or just displaying very bad manners.

I'd be inclined to agree.
Laughter, chatter etc fine.
Screeching and wailing, not fine. Parent your child.

I do not expect noise free but I would never impose my screaming kids on other people who are paying a lot of money in a restaurant
To do so is ignorance and self absorption
Was in one when it happened and a customer went to the parents table and shouted
Get that thing out of here

As someone who has worked in hospitality for 20 years, entitled parents are the absolute bane of everyone’s life.

If your child can’t behave, take them somewhere appropriate for lunch - soft play for example.

Also if you do have lovely children that don’t spoil everyone’s enjoyment of their meal, please clean up after yourselves. No one wants to touch your filthy wet wipes and pick up mountains of half chewed food from seats the floor. Normal detritus - fine! Gross things, sort it out yourself.

I’ll shut up now 😂

I agree but the usual suspects are straight in here with their mum-bashing. I wouldn't mind but I remember a thread about noisily happy babies in cafes and a mum with a young baby who squealed when they were happy got really worried and upset and it reminds me that there are people who are genuinely affected by this constant stream of negativity.

It's funny because I've lived in a big city all my life and have been going out a LOT to cafes, restaurants, pubs etc since my teens ranging from fancy central ones to local cheap eats and have never been disturbed by a baby or toddlers. Yet it seems to happen so much to some posters, coincidentally the ones who are always on here having a go at mums for everything. If I was a cynical person....

Very distressed babies should be comforted. Older children should be disciplined if they are misbehaving. Otherwise, unless you are in a formal or adults-only setting, babies and kids will be there and some will be noisier than others. I don't get the bizarre entitlement of people and I say this as someone who disliked children most of my life.