People who won't leave a restaurant when their child is kicking up

[JanetSally]

I was having dinner in a restaurant the other evening. A couple at another table had a small baby with them in a buggy. The mother had just fed the baby and put him back down but he wasn't happy and started crying, the noise escalating and escalating. The parents, who had finished their meal, very slowly finished their coffee/wine before leaving the restaurant despite the fact that people were turning around and looking at them.

I was in a cafe recently with a friend when her toddler started tantrumming. I said I was nearly finished and happy to go, but my friend said no, we'd paid for our food and were entitled to stay. She just wasn't budging, so I took her child outside while she finished every bit of her cake.

Why do some people do this? It's very unfair on everyone else in the restaurant.

@Cw112 , @Chuckle94 thank you, its all a phase i know 💕

No no, certainly not sticking to a ‘draconian opinion’. I see I’ve made a lot of enemies on this thread. Not my intention. There have been some very interesting and informative perspectives that I will definitely take on board.

I always took DC out if they were screeching or kicking off even if it was a 'family friendly cafe'. The reason being was I was trying to tech natural consequence and acceptable behaviour. You can screech and run around or even lie on the floor and tantrum at home or the park or a toddler group but not in a cafe/restaurant. I took stickers books and colouring and often (because my kids were "lively personalities" little shits) didn't eat out..... So I have a particular world view that I should at least attempt not to impact on others right to have a quiet coffee/dinner. I recognise others don't. I can't police others parenting but would ask to move or for owners to ask parents to move

The parents who don't act will have their response come back to them in spades. When their child are teenagers no doubt.

Because many English kids are badly behaved? with parents who don't give a shit and/or hit them?

I ve taken my DD as a toddler & child to so many different European countries and your dead right, relatively quiet well behaved children are a joy... get back to the UK or even on the ferry and its a kid with a light saver charging around like a demented idiot, chased around the tables by 4 of his equally obsessed friends, whilst parents totally ignore the mayhem they are causing.

Of course the venue and time matters too? a screaming kid in McDonalds is bearable, evening at a romantic restaurant ? no.

Read the full 15 pages to see if anyone going on at length about how being a mum is the saddest loneliest thing ever and therefore everyone else must quietly enjoy the serenade of their child screaming - or even better, take over the parenting for them! - lest the mum be banished sadly to her house forever…

… had responded to the point about other kids finding noise so difficult that they - and their mums! - find it difficult to go out in public. And of course; the answer is no.

You don’t know that everyone else there is waltzing merrily through life, with no responsibilities or cares, just because they don’t have any kids there. Some may be just as depressed, lonely, poor, at wits end, etc. as the mum of the screaming child is. Some may have disabilities exacerbated by noise. Some may be there having heard bad news, or trying to have a catch up with a loved one that’s struggling.

We all need to have compassion. Sometimes, even a mum! has to show it, by not expecting an entire room of people to endure the screaming of a child they chose to have.

I would leave for a little but to settle the baby or toddler and calm them down. Im surprised how your concern is about how everyone else is instead of the baby

You could have fooled me.

@JanetSally

oh really 🤣
rich coming from the miserable sod who wouldn’t let her friend eat some cake without jumping on here to complain about it.

You don’t know that everyone else there is waltzing merrily through life, with no responsibilities or cares, just because they don’t have any kids there. Some may be just as depressed, lonely, poor, at wits end, etc. as the mum of the screaming child is. Some may have disabilities exacerbated by noise. Some may be there having heard bad news, or trying to have a catch up with a loved one that’s struggling.

This. Someone may be in there for a brief respite from caring for a demented parent.

Honestly you lost me in the first paragraph. Disgusting, unempathetic, and diminishes the very real struggle of parenting in the early days. PND is a real and very common thing that is sometimes made bearable by going out in public. Your attitude is vile. Thank god you aren't my shoulder to lean on in hard times.

You really are coming across as rather nasty, hitting out at anyone who doesn't agree with you and calling them names. If you're unable to discuss something civilly and calmly maybe you should step away from the thread.

That's unfair. The poster was simply pointing out that other people in the restaurant may also be struggling with illness, depression, bad news etc and in need of consideration and compassion.

Clearly you breezed over the tone and saw what you wanted to see - someone who agreed with you.

what names did I call anyone? If you read through the thread properly you will find I’ve been far from nasty to anyone. I’ve given an opinion that many others here agree with yet you are singling me out? I stopped commenting and yet you aimed a comment at me and you don’t like my response.

I think that's been recognised a few times in this feed. The person struggling may also be a single parent with no access to childcare. Why should they be further isolated to make room for everyone else's struggles? I think what that shows is that everyone including parents has the right to decide for themselves where and when they go out in public with or without children and noone should be judging anyone in the first place.

The vast majority of posters have agreed with me as does the poll. I don't need to breeze over anything. The poster was making the point that many people in life face challenges and all of us have to be aware of others. I am sure some parents in cafes are struggling and doing their best. But they are not helped by the many other parents and couples who make no effort to calm their children, bring them outside for a while, stop their children from tearing around the place and annoying others simply because they can't be bothered.
They wear people's patience out and the struggling minority get tarred with the same brush.

I haven’t seen it recognised. Indeed, that was my point. Nobody has even tried to answer the poster asking what she’s supposed to do for her son, if in every place that allows children we’re supposed to be compassionate to those mums with noisy children?

Just one example, but I don’t think I’ve seen anyone else showing consideration for people with circumstances that aren’t mum with young child. It seems to have been assumed by many than anyone else out in public is having a relaxing treat.

Anyway - that was my point. Compassion for everyone is a better approach than just, “mum with loud child, must be compassionate, everyone else can just live with it or leave”.

Don't forget D) parents who attempt to keep children entertained in restaurants etc by deploying screen time are wholly inadequate and are literally rotting their children's brains.

I do accept that my initial comment was very sharp, probably should’ve taken a breather after the 15 posts winding me up rather than posting immediately. I apologise for that.

Well you called me a miserable sod and someone a couple of pages back a misery guts for starters.
You're just coming across as rude and antagonistic towards anyone who doesn't agree with you.

💕

@JanetSally you accused me of being angry when I’m really not 😂 you seem to be the angry one here! You are also seeing whatever you want to see as I have also left supportive comments to other posters. I am not looking like a rude person at all, I think you will find that’s you !

I have not been rude to anyone or called them names.

you seem quite miserable to me, if that’s being rude then whatever. Others have voiced worse opinions than me so don’t keep singling me out here.