People who won't leave a restaurant when their child is kicking up

[JanetSally]

I was having dinner in a restaurant the other evening. A couple at another table had a small baby with them in a buggy. The mother had just fed the baby and put him back down but he wasn't happy and started crying, the noise escalating and escalating. The parents, who had finished their meal, very slowly finished their coffee/wine before leaving the restaurant despite the fact that people were turning around and looking at them.

I was in a cafe recently with a friend when her toddler started tantrumming. I said I was nearly finished and happy to go, but my friend said no, we'd paid for our food and were entitled to stay. She just wasn't budging, so I took her child outside while she finished every bit of her cake.

Why do some people do this? It's very unfair on everyone else in the restaurant.

And you seem quite rude, aggressive and bad tempered to me. If that's being miserable then whatever.

Rude to who? Just you? And you’re making things up now. This thread is just hating on anyone who has young kids tbh and if they dare step foot in a restaurant. You also seem like a terrible friend. Your mate just wanted to finish her food and that was a problem for you? I would help a friend out in that situation, not come on here to keep bashing her.

You really are very angry and aggressive. What am I making up?

Yes I am absolutely furious, I am smashing the house up as we speak 😉

@JanetSally look and angry rude I am

this is the one thing I HATE about the UK - this intolerance to the sound of children! I live abroad and most countries people love children and accept that they make noise! In restaurants here parents a crying or angry child would get have reassuring smiles or even people coming over to help - give the child a toy, play with child, sing them a song or something to distract them. Reassuring the parents that it’s no problem, children cry! Sometimes you’ll even get a granny come and pick up the baby and rock walk up and down the restaurant next to the parents (within clear sight obviously) telling the parents to enjoy their meal and they’ll play with the baby. I thought it was weird at first but now I think it’s lovely. I don’t see children as a burden or people who should be seen and not heard, though.

Same

I feel sorry for parents with tantruming children in any public space and I try not to judge, because it's so hard to calm them down sometimes.

Having said that, when my teens were little and started crying in a cafe, we made a swift exit. I'd just ask for a bag or takeaway box and staff were usually very helpful packing my food up as they realized I was trying not to disturb other people. I wouldn't just sit there and let my child scream the place down!

Completely agree with you, OP.

I do get that and sympathise and I do think it's of course expected that any parent will try their best to settle their child in the first instance/stop them from running around a restaurant where they might get hurt/burnt. But those things do take time and I think that's where some posters in the thread are coming across like they wouldn't want kids to be there in the first instance incase they tantrum/cry/misbehave or should immediately be whisked away out the door. (There's been clear differences in how long different posters feel is acceptable for a mum to try to quieten a child for before she should leave.) However I don't think it's reasonable for anyone to be expecting quiet/peace in a public place and I have friends who take their kids out with noise cancelling headphones etc to make that experience more manageable for them because of course they shouldn't be uncomfortable. I'm not saying that would suit every child but I think you know certain environments will be louder than others and as someone who has partial hearing I personally really struggle in cafes/restaurants because there's so much background noise anyways. Taking children out of the mix doesn't remove background music/people walking/ plates clattering/people talking and laughing. Often I struggle more in more adult restaurants where people are having a few drinks and are a bit louder than places that have kids present. There are some times I'm out for dinner and I cannot hold conversation because I literally cannot follow what the people I'm with are saying. But I go knowing to expect that from that environment as a public place where people will be existing as well as myself.

There’s a huge difference between ordinary noise of a restaurant and a baby’s distressing and loud crying or a toddler’s tantrumming.

It’s often said her on MN that the UK is not tolerant of children in public spaces. It’s selfish and rude parents such as those that @JanetSally describes in the OP are part of the reason that people can be edgy about children in restaurants etc.

Of course you are not unreasonable @JanetSally and thank you for taking action when your friend wouldn’t. I’d be reflecting on that friendship if I’d been in that situation. As for the parents in the restaurant - what self-centred fuckwits.

This basically

I agree OP, its entitled and selfish behaviour.

Maybe quote all of your posts to people you don't agree with.

I agree. I work with a French woman and she is horrified at the way children are allowed to behave in restaurants here. It just wouldn't be tolerated where she's from.

Sometimes you’ll even get a granny come and pick up the baby and rock walk up and down the restaurant next to the parents (within clear sight obviously) telling the parents to enjoy their meal and they’ll play with the baby
You've clearly failed to read all the threads from mums kicking off because a stranger dared touch their kid's hand, let alone lick them up! Here you'd be risking being accused of paedophilia and having the police called on you.

I still don’t agree I was rude. You must be very sensitive

I was thinking exactly the same. There have been dozens of threads on here where an OP has expressed dismay at anyone touching her baby and other posters agreeing it's unacceptable.
Can you imagine how they'd react if a stranger offered to hold their child in a restaurant or play with their tantrumming toddler?

Or perhaps you're very insensitive to how bad mannered some of your posts have been.

Anyhow I'm not going around and around the houses here.

You think I'm miserable, I think you're antagonistic. Let's leave it there.

French parenting can he ruthless and a bit cruel. Parents will not hesitate to smack / scream at tantrumning toddlers or lock them in their rooms or in cars without dinner. They also get fewer choices and their ‘culture of independance’ is just ‘free range parenting’ where kids are shoved out into the garden so parents can socialise. Kids aren’t included in proper family meals in restaurants except for Sundays.

Contrast this to Spain, Italy and India where kids are welcome at most restaurants and even encouraged to run around / get under foot. Lol in many Spanish restaurants kids from different tables with gang up together and eat together. But you only see this at local places not touristy ones so many Brits don’t know.

So you and partner have planned a child free evening and you pick your restaurant carefully. Dinner rather than lunch. You are shown to your table and next to you are a couple with a child in a high chair. That child is making noise and clearly bored and its probably way past their bed time.

Are you honestly saying that you would smile indugently, offer to hold the child, help with games etc

Its utterly ridiculous that people are selfish enough to think that is OK.

Contrast this to Spain, Italy and India where kids are welcome at most restaurants and even encouraged to run around / get under foot.

There must be loads of accidents in restaurants in Italy, Spain and India then.

I know several French parents. I don't recognise your insulting description.

You’ve been rude to people by dismissing them when they’ve given an opinion. Next time don’t pick me out for my ‘rudeness’ when I’ve given a similar opinion to many others on here.

but yes I agree to leave it now. Agree to disagree

But you haven't agreed to disagree. You've continued to post yet another lengthy about me.

Anyhow you're just getting tiresome now and will no doubt come back with other made up stuff.

Fill your boots. I'm bored of this now.