People who won't leave a restaurant when their child is kicking up

[JanetSally]

I was having dinner in a restaurant the other evening. A couple at another table had a small baby with them in a buggy. The mother had just fed the baby and put him back down but he wasn't happy and started crying, the noise escalating and escalating. The parents, who had finished their meal, very slowly finished their coffee/wine before leaving the restaurant despite the fact that people were turning around and looking at them.

I was in a cafe recently with a friend when her toddler started tantrumming. I said I was nearly finished and happy to go, but my friend said no, we'd paid for our food and were entitled to stay. She just wasn't budging, so I took her child outside while she finished every bit of her cake.

Why do some people do this? It's very unfair on everyone else in the restaurant.

Jesus Christ some people really think kids are not allowed to exist in the same space as them! I mean not only are they not allowed in cafes but we can now add dentists and shops to the list too!

Lets face it, the most likely scenario is that the mum and toddler both had an appointment as it just makes the most logical sense to line them up. Even if it is just the mum is it really reasonable to expect them to get someone to take ting off work to keep toddler at home for a twice yearly check up?

Personally I feel like I shouldn’t have to share public spaces with people like you but unfortunately there is no mandatory ‘im a sick’ badge so you never know until it’s too late.

The poster doesn’t have children and is basing it off her own parents keeping her at home whilst they shopped because ‘shopping is for adults not children’.

It all makes sense now.

Oh for goodness’ sake, the post said there were two parents at the dentist with the screaming toddler! This wasn't just my assumption.

Your comment makes no sense - if the parents think it’s not worth them both being off work for the mum’s check-up then they wouldn’t both be there, would they?

All I am saying is it sometimes SEEMS like common sense is not being applied. Both parents don’t need to do the supermarket shop which is walking distance to their house, and subject their child to misery/boredom.

Wow, you must be a joy to be around in real life, having opinions about such important life issues such as whether parents book separate dentist appointments and how they take their kids to the supermarket.

In my case, my husband doesn't drive. If he has a dentist appointment, I need to drive him there as we live rurally. As we have no family around, we also need to take our toddler with us. I am sorry we inconvenience you with our lives.

I personally think exposure is really healthy for kids development, like if we had gone to the supermarket with my nephew for eg we got him really involved in finding the things on our list, putting the right things in the basket, giving the cashier the money and saying thank you and waiting for change. Its all life skills and part of kids growing up seeing how we speak to each other, treat each other and feeling confident in different environments. My neice never did that and she would now die a million deaths than pay for something in a shop, she's so shy by comparison whereas he wouldn't bat an eyelid. There are some experiences you can't replicate as well in your house. That's not to say he never had a meltdown or cried in the supermarket but sometimes as a parent you need to deal with what they hand you and hope to God you have the mental resilience for it on that given day. I certainly wouldn't be leaving an entire trolley of shopping to whisk them away home to a house with empty cupboards. I still need the shopping.

Same thing when I went to Open Night at dc secondary school. The teacher was drowned out by a child screaming continuously while trying to brief the parents on schools teaching. It got so bad she had to keep stopping. If it were me I would have taken the child out until they calmed down. I thought it was really rude to everyone else.

I don’t object to children in the supermarket, I don’t think I said that anywhere?

I was describing what I sometimes see which is a very distressed child (and parents) in a situation which CAN be avoided.

All the other examples people are giving, like living rurally and so on, are completely different. It would be stupid not to take children along and waste money on petrol for multiple trips etc.

This

But children NEED to be subjected to normal and mundane activities. It's illogical to leave them at home just because it's not fun. They won't have the opportunity to learn how to deal with their feelings of boredom or frustration in public. It's totally NOT common sense to leave child at home with one parent.

This is a very interesting perspective and I completely take your point. :)
I was thinking only of the child and parents’ immediate distress and thinking how terrible it must be for them. I can see now how the activity could be seen as a learning opportunity for the child.

You’ve been given plenty of reasonable examples. When you have children yourself you will see for yourself how a child will love being in a supermarket, love having different people interacting with them (especially the elder who love seeing small children) seeing people from all walks of life going about their weekly routine, seeing where our food comes from and how we obtain it, how we pay for it. The next time they may have an unexpected meltdown. The time after that they’ll be fine again. It’s unpredictable but children need to be out learning life skills. But you’re not taking any of this into account and you’re sticking to your draconian opinion.

….or you won’t experience any of that because you’ll keep your kids at home.

I think the sensible and considerate thing to do would be for others in the restaurant to help out, rather than perpetuate this strange idea that parents (but mainly mothers) should struggle isolated. If I saw an upset baby or toddler in a restaurant I'd try to entertain or distract it.
I'm confused as to why people sit in cafes or restaurants expecting silence anyway. They're places where people go to socialise.

It's only terrible because of other people's behaviour. It's fine if others are considerate and helpful rather than judgemental.

This. I think people either forget what it is like having small children or they lack the emotional intelligence to put themselves in other people's shoes - sometimes children don't cooperate, you are embarrassed, frazzled and would love to magically become invisible and not have to endure people's looks, tuts, etc.

However, it is what it is - sometimes you need to take them shopping or to the dentist, other times you have been stuck in the house for 4 straight days of non stop rain and would like to have a cup of tea somewhere outside. Us parents are (mostly) still the sample people we were before we had kids - just because we have children doesn't mean we change overnight and are suddenly okay with not going out of the house. I have been immensely grateful for the times when other people have seen that I am in a difficult situation with my toddler and have helped me out - I have sent many a blessings their way afterwards.

The teacher should have asked them to step out if they were too ignorant to not do so without prompting.

Is this you Mrs bucket ?

You are absolutely right . I guess those who believe children should be locked at home are also the ones that leave their children home with grandparents to go on holidays alone as their kids won’t enjoy until they are adults 🙄. Basically some new form of selfish parenting .

Where did anyone say they expect silence in a restaurant?

I can just see the MN posts if I go up to a mum whose kids are running around the restaurant and offer to parent her kids.

it can be so lonely, especially when you’re on maternity leave but don’t worry about what anyone else thinks, if going to a cafe gets you out the house for a while then go.
Not everyone is as intolerant as some are on this thread. Hope things get better for you soon and you start to feel better xx

‘Like me’?

You seem very very angry.

Nope, I’m not angry at all

Genuine question: who here has said they expect silence?

@DameHelena although you do sound very very patronising

One tries