Should I change my sons name to please my MIL?

[97DS]

Ever since we found out baby was going to be a boy DH and I have had his name chosen. MIL has made subtle digs throughout pregnancy at how she’s not a fan of the name, and if we’ve considered anything else. I just dodge the question and ignore it because I don’t have the energy to argue with her. She can be very opinionated and very stubborn.
baby is now a week old, and not officially registered yet but we have announced his full name to friends/family/social media.
MIL has gone out of her way at every opportunity to make a comment on his name. Even after a traumatic birth which landed me in theatre with major haemorrhaging, her first text to DH was asking what baby’s name is going to be.

She’s been talking to family behind our back saying how disappointed she is, as well as pulling DH aside to privately ask if we would change the name. MIL is purposely avoiding saying his name, and has opted to calling him Jnr instead… That’s just the issue with his 1st name. Keep reading…

she also has a massive issue with his middle name too. DH has 2 middle names (X & Y) and when we chose baby’s name, we decided to use middle name Y so it followed the family tree as a tribute to the dads (Y runs quite far back in the male side of the family tree) and also, Y is my fathers middle name too so it seemed very sentimental to us all.
We’ve had a lot of compliments on his name from DH’s side of the family because we chose middle name Y. But MIL has kicked off BIG TIME. Pulling out crocodile tears and directly asking DH to change the middle name to something that tributes MIL’s family instead.
However, there’s only 2 male names to pick from if we were to consider it, and both names are awful, I genuinely don’t like them, and they don’t even go with baby boys 1st name, and would make the surname seem like a mouthful if you were to say it out loud.
My argument is, it’s not her baby so it’s not her business what his name is. She had the opportunity 30 years ago to tribute her family and that’s why DH’s middle name is X. But baby’s name isn’t meant to be a tribute to her family, it’s a tribute to DH’s family, as well as my own.

Yes we could just keep the peace and add a 2nd middle name that she wants, but I don’t want that. As his mother, I should be the one who has final say and I don’t want him to have 2 middle names, and I certainly don’t want to change his name under the pressure and influence of MIL. DH has agreed with me throughout pregnancy what his name is, but now MIL is getting into his head and playing a guilt card, DH is now having 2nd thoughts because he doesn’t like to upset MIL. I know it’s not what he wants either but his MIL is so good at minipulating everything to get her own way. She puts words into DH’s mouth and convinces him they’re his own. So now DH and I argue over this.
what’s your thoughts? AIBU to stick my guns and keep my sons name how it is, or should I reason with MIL, and change the name just to keep her happy?

Your child’s names is your and DH choice, nobody else’s.
MiL will get used to the name.

You are absolutely NBU. Your child, your choice. If you yield to this where will it end? Babies have a habit of growing into their names anyway. How disrespectful of her. There’s no way I’d change my baby’s name to suit MIL or anyone else for that matter if both parents had agreed. What your MiL is doing is hurtful and inappropriate. Stay strong.

Stick to your guns, absolutely. Who does she think she is!!

Definitely don’t change it.

Should you etc …?

No.

Stick to your guns.
If you give in on this thenMIL will know that she can interfere with every parenting decision you make for the rest of your life.
You and your Dh should be a team. You need to show a united front. You have done nothing wrong here.
If it’s difficult for DH then he should cut off contact with his mum while he adjusts and gets some therapy. Look into FOG - fear obligation and guilt. There are sone good books too which hopefully someone will come along and recommend.

This is absolutely a hill to die on. She needs to realise you are the parents and you make your own decisions. The alternative is that she pays a very limited part (if any ) in your lives.

You absolutely shouldn’t change it no matter what.

But curious - what does she not like about the first name? She’s being completely unreasonable here, but I’m being nosy!

Put words back into your DH's mouth 'we've already chosen his name and that's the end of it'

My mum was the same with my eldest child, we didnt break even though after a horrible labour and ECS my mum insisted on calling me too and demanding I changed her name, and my dad called and said the same thing (because my mum called him to moan, even though they'd been divorced 20 years and didn't like each other much) ... it was awful, BUT we stuck to our guns and we still love her name 14 years later

Why would you even consider pandering to your MIL's theatrics? If you do this now, you might as well let her raise your son as she will demand to have every single decision her way. Nip this madness in the bud now. It's your baby, not hers.

She’s just not a fan of the spelling, or pronunciation. It’s a Welsh name, because DH is Welsh, but she’s not Welsh and since divorcing DH’s Welsh father may years ago she has taken a dislike to anything that associates, including a Welsh name.

This is absolutely a hill to die on.

Otherwise you will be doing what she wants all the time for everything. Boundaries. Register as soon as possible and in the name you chose.

Your child so you and DH choose his name.
Don't attempt to budge, if you do she will try to interfere in everything into the future.

One piece of advice, don't overshare. Don't tell her/ask opinions of anything!

Being nosey-whats the name?

She isn't a fan of it because it's Welsh?... Tough shit. Not her decision to make.

Stick to your guns.

Well, she sounds fucking horrible.

Definitely do not change your baby boys name, you & DH picked it, it has nothing to do with MIL, all 4 of my girls have had kids & I have never once considered or thought to have a say in the names they have chose, I haven’t been included in middle names but often their DH sides of the family have been honoured, but even though I am the one that helps out constantly & there whenever needed that still doesn’t mean I get an opinion, I love all the names that have been chosen for my 6 grandchildren & they all really suit there names. Unfortunately some mothers don’t know when to cut those apron strings & allow their children to decide things for themselves!!

Stick to your guns on this one or sounds like she will interfere in everything.

Omg do not change a thing

She's bitter and resentful. Your DH needs to tell her to keep her mouth shut. This will only be the start of it, anything that remotely relates back to MIL's ex H will be a source of contention to her instead of focusing on the beautiful grandchild she has.

Tell MIL you've never really cared for her name and ask her to change it and then you'll consider it for DS. Preferably both her first name and middle name.

OP, stick to your guns! What a ridiculous thing for your MIL to demand.

if you have the strength to do so, remind her that choosing the baby’s name is the privilege of the parents. She once enjoyed that privilege and does not have the right to take that privilege away from you: I’d go further and also tell her that you very much want her to be a part of your child’s life, but in the capacity of a grandparent only. Your child has a mother and father and she must respect those boundaries.

I’d start as you mean to go on and make it clear that her opinions on all things Welsh are disrespectful and unwanted. Your DH needs to be on your Team too, OP.

Please register that baby’s name before she wears you down. And tell your DH to remind her who she is. If he needs to give her a hint, she’s not the baby’s parent.

Then this is even more reason to stick with the name you as parents chose.

make it clear it’s not a topic for discussion.

you and DH need to present a united front.

congratulations on the birth of your baby
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Ignore MIL. You have no control over her tantrums and biases. Don't give in and don't indulge. Express disappointment in her inability to accept that this is not her child to name.

But mainly, as always, this is a dh problem. He could shut down MIL, and should do, but instead he is indulging her. As she insults you and invalidates your position as Mum.

So, talk to him. He does need to choose a side. And it feckin' better be yours. Clearly, loudly, always.

Absolutely do not change your baby's name. Ffs, what a ridiculous woman she is. DH needs to present a united front with you.

The next time she says anything related to the name, just go quiet and change the subject.
Likewise your DH.

They are being horrible Tina new mum who's been through a difficult birth. How dare they put pressure on you?