Should I change my sons name to please my MIL?

[97DS]

Ever since we found out baby was going to be a boy DH and I have had his name chosen. MIL has made subtle digs throughout pregnancy at how she’s not a fan of the name, and if we’ve considered anything else. I just dodge the question and ignore it because I don’t have the energy to argue with her. She can be very opinionated and very stubborn.
baby is now a week old, and not officially registered yet but we have announced his full name to friends/family/social media.
MIL has gone out of her way at every opportunity to make a comment on his name. Even after a traumatic birth which landed me in theatre with major haemorrhaging, her first text to DH was asking what baby’s name is going to be.

She’s been talking to family behind our back saying how disappointed she is, as well as pulling DH aside to privately ask if we would change the name. MIL is purposely avoiding saying his name, and has opted to calling him Jnr instead… That’s just the issue with his 1st name. Keep reading…

she also has a massive issue with his middle name too. DH has 2 middle names (X & Y) and when we chose baby’s name, we decided to use middle name Y so it followed the family tree as a tribute to the dads (Y runs quite far back in the male side of the family tree) and also, Y is my fathers middle name too so it seemed very sentimental to us all.
We’ve had a lot of compliments on his name from DH’s side of the family because we chose middle name Y. But MIL has kicked off BIG TIME. Pulling out crocodile tears and directly asking DH to change the middle name to something that tributes MIL’s family instead.
However, there’s only 2 male names to pick from if we were to consider it, and both names are awful, I genuinely don’t like them, and they don’t even go with baby boys 1st name, and would make the surname seem like a mouthful if you were to say it out loud.
My argument is, it’s not her baby so it’s not her business what his name is. She had the opportunity 30 years ago to tribute her family and that’s why DH’s middle name is X. But baby’s name isn’t meant to be a tribute to her family, it’s a tribute to DH’s family, as well as my own.

Yes we could just keep the peace and add a 2nd middle name that she wants, but I don’t want that. As his mother, I should be the one who has final say and I don’t want him to have 2 middle names, and I certainly don’t want to change his name under the pressure and influence of MIL. DH has agreed with me throughout pregnancy what his name is, but now MIL is getting into his head and playing a guilt card, DH is now having 2nd thoughts because he doesn’t like to upset MIL. I know it’s not what he wants either but his MIL is so good at minipulating everything to get her own way. She puts words into DH’s mouth and convinces him they’re his own. So now DH and I argue over this.
what’s your thoughts? AIBU to stick my guns and keep my sons name how it is, or should I reason with MIL, and change the name just to keep her happy?

Obviously don’t change the name.

Also if she refuses to call him by his name, she doesn’t get to see him.

No of course not.

You need to set your boundary right from the start. This is your child NOT hers and you decide, NOT her.

The same applies to what he will eat, when he will sleep, what school he goes to etc. She can politely express an opinion but she does not get to decide.

I have no idea why you've written that massively long post. What a wate of effort! Obviously you don't change the name!

Please come back soon having registered the name as the ones you want op.

We'll all be so happy for you, and proud of you for standing my up to her.

She’s being ridiculously rude and disrespectful. DH needs to tell her to stop all the digs and complaints and ‘Jnr’ now.

Register your baby boy with the names you and DH want as soon as you’re ready.

Have faith in yourselves, stick to your chosen names and get your baby registered!

Keep the name. I had a similar MIL problem. She changed spelling of DDs name, we mentioned it countless times, then because shes a bully gave up. It caused problems because FIL opened savings accounts for DKs and sent cheques. Then when DGD was born, she did the same thing, DH said not to mention it ! Again, problems with the Christmas and Birthday cheques. (She couldn't alter the spelling of DGSs name!) but other family members always used our surname, inspite of being told they had their DFs surname. She knew full well the spellings of their names, from said cards, she sent cash to DGKs, so the cheque thing wasn't a problem anymore. Stick to your guns!

Don't change it.

I was going to say that the only two reasons to actually change it are if the name is awful and MIL is saying what everyone is thinking - in which case don't lumber the kid with an awful name. Or if it's a genuinely hurtful name for some reason from her past like a violent ex.

A normal Welsh name for a baby with a Welsh father? She can feck off.

It sounds to me like this is less about the names and more about the associations. Her problem, not yours. Don’t change the names to appease her, otherwise you’ll be doing this until the end of time. She needs to respect your choices and find a way to come to terms with this, privately, or with therapy because it sounds childish and ridiculous. I’d be having firm words with her because, ultimately, it’s a non issue. You have a healthy baby and that’s all that matters.

If you give in to her, you deserve everything you ARE going to get.

Woman up, and name your baby the name you want.

There’s a very simple answer to this question. This is your baby and not your MIL she needs to give her head a wobble, distance herself a little and be thankful you ve given her a lovely grandson. Your DH is half Welsh so why wouldn’t you want to give your child a Welsh name. Stick to your guns, don’t give in to this potentially controlling behaviour and mark out your boundaries now

This is absolutely the hill to die on

This ^^

Yanbu
Go register baby's name - the ones you chose
Tell your DH to stop listening to his mother , she has no say and SIBU

I'd lose my shit with her is I were you
"MIL, stop slating our Baby son's name. IF i hear one more word from you to DH or anyone else that you're still being unpleasant about our Baby son or his name, it'll be the last time you see us for years. What you are doing is poisonous and it has to stop. 97DS "

My sister was persuaded to change my nieces name, because of this my late DH and I kept our name choices to l ourselves... When I had ds2 I rang my Mum from the delivery room to tell her... She asked his name and I told her.... There was a horrible silence to the point that I thought the phone had been cut off... There was then some stammering and then "I'll have to get used to that name!" I replied very firmly that yes she would.. Nothing has been said since...
Dont change your mind. Go with your name choice!!

Absolutely don't change it and state that you're not discussing it anymore. (And then make sure you don't engage in any arguments/discussions).

Dare you to do this, OP!

Your baby, your choice. My MIL didn’t like DS1’s name and when told it (again) while I was in hospital said ‘Andrew’s a nice name’. It is - but it’s not our son’s name. DS2 - same thing, except this time she sent FIL to our home to demand we change it. We didn’t.

We had an issue with DD and a very close relative. Think we had chosen Alice, but she didn't like Alice so chose to use Alison (these are NOT the names BTW).

Everyone, and I mean everyone, loved OUR choice of name, apart from this one individual. For years this person used the name Alison ... but that's not her name. But I'm so glad we stuck to our guns and we love our DD's real name.

Do what you want. I would wonder whether she actually had much of a choice in your DH's name or whether she was overruled and told 'granny decides', but that cycle stops with you.

Tell her clearly to butt out, or she’ll be watching him grow up from afar. She is nasty and manipulative, if you don’t stand up now she will be taking over as you try to parent your child.

Don't change it! She's had her chance to name a child, this is YOUR baby, and YOUR choice!

If you change it now, what happens when MIL has an opinion on how you bring your baby up, the school he goes to, when she wants to see him, who you go to at Christmas, birthdays etc, if she doesn't like it she knows she can pull the guilt trip and tears and you'll change your mind and do what she wants to - tbh treat her like the child she's behaving as, and put your foot down. Change it now and you'll have years and years of her bullying and manipulation.

Oh and show your dh this thread.

I agree with person who said this is a hill to die on.

You have a brand new squishy 1 week old baby and this is the focus?

So what if she's moaning to others about it.

Ignore her and enjoy your baby. I'd be reading the riot act to your husband too, this is not how it should be with a newborn.

She's being quite ridiculous.

I'd also cut off her air supply too- she's not welcome to visit etc until she gets over this.

I am a grandmother and there is no way I would interfere like that. Her behaviour is awful and your OH needs to be politely firm with her.

I disagree with the poster who said be quiet and change the subject, just get up, with baby, and leave, or tell her to (fuck off) leave. Dh needs to be really stepping up, tell her if she doesn’t wind her neck in he won’t visit, you won’t visit because of how monumentally rude she has been to you and unless there’s a heartfelt apology neither of you will see her. Get that lovely little babe registered ASAP.