Should I change my sons name to please my MIL?

[97DS]

Ever since we found out baby was going to be a boy DH and I have had his name chosen. MIL has made subtle digs throughout pregnancy at how she’s not a fan of the name, and if we’ve considered anything else. I just dodge the question and ignore it because I don’t have the energy to argue with her. She can be very opinionated and very stubborn.
baby is now a week old, and not officially registered yet but we have announced his full name to friends/family/social media.
MIL has gone out of her way at every opportunity to make a comment on his name. Even after a traumatic birth which landed me in theatre with major haemorrhaging, her first text to DH was asking what baby’s name is going to be.

She’s been talking to family behind our back saying how disappointed she is, as well as pulling DH aside to privately ask if we would change the name. MIL is purposely avoiding saying his name, and has opted to calling him Jnr instead… That’s just the issue with his 1st name. Keep reading…

she also has a massive issue with his middle name too. DH has 2 middle names (X & Y) and when we chose baby’s name, we decided to use middle name Y so it followed the family tree as a tribute to the dads (Y runs quite far back in the male side of the family tree) and also, Y is my fathers middle name too so it seemed very sentimental to us all.
We’ve had a lot of compliments on his name from DH’s side of the family because we chose middle name Y. But MIL has kicked off BIG TIME. Pulling out crocodile tears and directly asking DH to change the middle name to something that tributes MIL’s family instead.
However, there’s only 2 male names to pick from if we were to consider it, and both names are awful, I genuinely don’t like them, and they don’t even go with baby boys 1st name, and would make the surname seem like a mouthful if you were to say it out loud.
My argument is, it’s not her baby so it’s not her business what his name is. She had the opportunity 30 years ago to tribute her family and that’s why DH’s middle name is X. But baby’s name isn’t meant to be a tribute to her family, it’s a tribute to DH’s family, as well as my own.

Yes we could just keep the peace and add a 2nd middle name that she wants, but I don’t want that. As his mother, I should be the one who has final say and I don’t want him to have 2 middle names, and I certainly don’t want to change his name under the pressure and influence of MIL. DH has agreed with me throughout pregnancy what his name is, but now MIL is getting into his head and playing a guilt card, DH is now having 2nd thoughts because he doesn’t like to upset MIL. I know it’s not what he wants either but his MIL is so good at minipulating everything to get her own way. She puts words into DH’s mouth and convinces him they’re his own. So now DH and I argue over this.
what’s your thoughts? AIBU to stick my guns and keep my sons name how it is, or should I reason with MIL, and change the name just to keep her happy?

Put your foot down and stamp this shit out or it will get worse

DO NOT CHANGE HIS NAME

Get your DH to put her in her place.

Stay strong OP! 💐

This.

This decision sets a tone for the whole rest of the relationship. Stand firm.

You have only just given birth how dare they treat you like this.

Please do not allow her to take control of your baby’s name. You will deeply regret it if you buckle.

Congratulations on your baby, bet he is gorgeous.
Just ignore Mil and go and register his birth with the name you choose it’s your decision nothing to do with her. Be quick I don’t think you have long to go, I thought it was 10 days in the U.K.? Although it’s a long time since I had children so I could be completely wrong.

No its longer now

My kids have a lovely, involved great aunt who would have had every reason to hate my son’s name, because it’s the family name of her ex, who was a massive shit. I never did, but I wanted to apologise. It’s very telling who the family chose to maintain contact with. It also goes back 5 generations and is my husband’s middle name. She has never said a word other than to tell us what a joy and blessing our boy is.

Yanbu and mil needs to behave!

I didn’t have to read the entire thing, but I did. Of course you don’t have to change your sons name.

What a shame she doesn’t like the name, she will get over it. MIL got her chance to name her own children she doesn’t get to name others unless invited

This.

Your DH needs to have a straight forward discussion with his DM and tell her to butt out and shut up.

Eh? YABU to even consider changing it.

I bloody knew from the start this was about her feelings about ex husband. What a pain she is.
My MIL suggested her dad's name to me when I was pregnant with number 2, I am rarely quick enough with comebacks romto people eople there and then but on this occasions I was. "You has your chance with your 3 sons and didn't choose it then." I had a girl anyway.

Could you just guilt trip her back and say it's such a shame she is missing these early days of loving DGS rather than obsessing about his name.

Is your father in law still around? He must be thrilled. Welsh names are lovely incidentally.

My argument is, it’s not her baby so it’s not her business what his name is. She had the opportunity 30 years ago

And you're right.

Stick to your guns.

She's showing EVERYBODY she bitches to about this what she's like. Leave her to it.

I'm sorry you had a traumatic birth. You def don't need this BS on top of it!

And congratulations on your lovely baby!

Don't change it..... she had her chance to name ger child(ren).

She has no rights over your child's name, you biw down to this and next week it will be something else she will dictate.

You have chosen your sons name, if she won't use it, she will be the one who looks rude, and I would be telling family why she doesn't use it too!

Congratulations on the birth of your ds, I hope you can start to recover without the added stress of an overbearing MIL....leave her to DH!

No no no, she has no right, this is your baby and your decision. Take what's line on this now, if you give in to this you'll have to give in to her next set of demands (where he goes to nursery) for example and it will never end. Set the boundaries now and tell DH you're not going to see/speak to his mum until she drops it. If she brings it up in phone say bye and hang up. If in person walk away. Don't let her bully you xx

Your baby - your choice.

Give in to this now and it will be the start of an endless slippery slope for all the other decisions you will make that MIL does not approve of.

No way should you be changing any aspect of the name you chose. Your DH needs to dig his heels in here or she will use this tactic to get her own way again and again.

Do NOT Change His Name.

You are right. She had her baby naming days and it is now your turn. Also be strong and call her out. 'This is our baby and we get to decide what he is called' 'you are being very rude and hurtful by keep talking about this' and if she doesn't stop....

'please call our baby by his name or fuck off'

Register your choice asap.

Jeez who are these awful MiLs who think they can dictate stuff like this? If your DH is 30 or so then she has to be a similar age to me? I don't know anyone my age who would behave like this,

It would be a big fat nope from me and she would need to shape up if she wants any chance of a relationship with her grandchild. Start as you mean to go on. If you let her get away with this crap imagine what she will be like as your DS grows up. Hopefully your DH is on board with this and backs you up.

Not her baby, not her choice. Plus your son is here now, he's a person, he has a name, his parents chose it and like it. Is her dislike of the particular name so important it eclipses her being happy to have her grandson in her life and letting her son and DIL be happy in peace? I'd let her use a pet name for him (that might have developed naturally anyway) but that's as far as it goes. NO complaining from her, tell her it's done and you don't want to discuss it. It's critical that your H do this too.

Her dislike of an entire country because she doesn't like her ex who is from that country is not a good reflection on her at all. Don't entertain it.

For fucks sake.

Start as you mean to go on.

Will you defer to her on everything? What your child eats? Where he goes to school? What sport he plays? Where you go on holiday?

Make it very clear, from the very start that YOU are the parents. She is a spectator. Her expectations are ridiculous and she needs to adjust them.

Tell her you love her, but you will not be raising this child via committee.

You and DH have made a decision about the name, and you won't discuss it any further.

Shut it down.

You probably have a 2 week window after birth where you can legit loose your shit and blame it on the hormones

My MIL complained so much about our first choice girls name she put DH off it. That was pretty early on in the pregnancy and after that I put my foot down and said you aren't to discuss names with her again. Or just make some up - just don't tell her the real ones. It's made her angry and she takes dogs at me all the time but this baby is coming soon and I don't need her in my head.
Don't change the name. She needs to get over herself and accept that you're the parent and it's your choice.

Absolutely do NOT cave in to her. Get that lad registered under the name you have picked asap and have no more discussion about it.

I agree with whoever said that this will set the tone. Otherwise she’s going to chip in and chip away about whatever she doesn’t like next. And so it begins…