Should I change my sons name to please my MIL?

[97DS]

Ever since we found out baby was going to be a boy DH and I have had his name chosen. MIL has made subtle digs throughout pregnancy at how she’s not a fan of the name, and if we’ve considered anything else. I just dodge the question and ignore it because I don’t have the energy to argue with her. She can be very opinionated and very stubborn.
baby is now a week old, and not officially registered yet but we have announced his full name to friends/family/social media.
MIL has gone out of her way at every opportunity to make a comment on his name. Even after a traumatic birth which landed me in theatre with major haemorrhaging, her first text to DH was asking what baby’s name is going to be.

She’s been talking to family behind our back saying how disappointed she is, as well as pulling DH aside to privately ask if we would change the name. MIL is purposely avoiding saying his name, and has opted to calling him Jnr instead… That’s just the issue with his 1st name. Keep reading…

she also has a massive issue with his middle name too. DH has 2 middle names (X & Y) and when we chose baby’s name, we decided to use middle name Y so it followed the family tree as a tribute to the dads (Y runs quite far back in the male side of the family tree) and also, Y is my fathers middle name too so it seemed very sentimental to us all.
We’ve had a lot of compliments on his name from DH’s side of the family because we chose middle name Y. But MIL has kicked off BIG TIME. Pulling out crocodile tears and directly asking DH to change the middle name to something that tributes MIL’s family instead.
However, there’s only 2 male names to pick from if we were to consider it, and both names are awful, I genuinely don’t like them, and they don’t even go with baby boys 1st name, and would make the surname seem like a mouthful if you were to say it out loud.
My argument is, it’s not her baby so it’s not her business what his name is. She had the opportunity 30 years ago to tribute her family and that’s why DH’s middle name is X. But baby’s name isn’t meant to be a tribute to her family, it’s a tribute to DH’s family, as well as my own.

Yes we could just keep the peace and add a 2nd middle name that she wants, but I don’t want that. As his mother, I should be the one who has final say and I don’t want him to have 2 middle names, and I certainly don’t want to change his name under the pressure and influence of MIL. DH has agreed with me throughout pregnancy what his name is, but now MIL is getting into his head and playing a guilt card, DH is now having 2nd thoughts because he doesn’t like to upset MIL. I know it’s not what he wants either but his MIL is so good at minipulating everything to get her own way. She puts words into DH’s mouth and convinces him they’re his own. So now DH and I argue over this.
what’s your thoughts? AIBU to stick my guns and keep my sons name how it is, or should I reason with MIL, and change the name just to keep her happy?

I don't understand why she thinks she should have any input at all? After all, it's not her child!

Erm, no.

Why are you even asking? 🤷

Of course you don't change your DC's name to suit your MIL.

If she keeps making comments and keeps calling your baby 'Junior' your DH needs to have a firm word with her (or you can if you want to, but generally I would let him sort out his family).

I would definitely not let her keep calling your DC 'Junior' - bloody hate it

I agree

You and DH should be disconnecting the phone when she starts, or telling her to leave until she stops being poisonous

Frankly I wouldn't invite her round the house to see babyson

She's attacking your Babyson's name, it's his identity and it needs shutting down now with the appropriate level of "How dare you!" I would be treating her with disgust and mummy protectiveness of my baby.

While I would stick with the name. I'd also want to have some way of smoothing things over with the mother of my husband. I'm also naturally curious so would chat to her more about her feelings around the name. It sounds like all things Welsh remind her of her divorce, perhaps it was really hard on her? Perhaps choosing a Welsh name feels to her like her son is honoring someone who really hurt her? Perhaps she is feeling increasingly invisible in her old age?

Now, none of these things excuse the behaviour (which is appalling) but they are valid reasons for her feelings. Most people arent unreasonable for the hell of it.

My mum changed my name at a week old to please her own mother (my nan). I would have much preferred my original name! Ignore her - your child, your decision

You call your baby what you want.

You tell your H to tell his mum to back off.

Next time she calls him junior, get up and walk out the room with ds, end the conversation on the phone (whatever situation you're in) and say 'MIL if you're not prepared to use ds proper name then please leave/im putting the phone down now and remove yourself and you ds from the situation. She's being a bully!

Get your DH to read the thread. It's understandable that he's wobbling when she's guilt tripping him and trying to put pressure on, it's nasty bullying behavior. Its about her own bitterness about the separation isn't it, but your son should not be punished for that and neither should DH. She sounds really intense. I would be asking DH to set some very firm boundaries with her.

Mum behaving the way you are is unfair, it isn't my fault you and dad split up. You've made the name a massive issue and it's just really not OK. Partner had a really hard birth and insttof asking how her and the baby and I were you asked about the name. You've lost sight of what's important and I feel really upset about how you've treated us all about this, Especially my son when you won't even use his name! The comments about the name and pressure about the name need to stop now if you still want to have a relationship with us you can respect and support our choices not try to bully us. We want to have a loving family relationship with you but this can't happen unless you can make peace with yourself about the name we've chose for our son.

Keep your babies name but pick a dreadful name to start calling mil. Say you hate her name so you are not using it anymore. She sounds like a child so I'd snap and just act like a child too.

Is she usually so controlling?

There are some beautiful Welsh names and I think yanbu in any way - her behaviour suggests you should definitely not cave on this. It is now your baby’s name. She needs to move on but your dh needs to say once and for all we won’t be changing our child’s name to suit anyone else and if you ask again we won’t be as polite.

Honestly, she WILL get over this. Just lol at her like you don’t care when she moans about the name, she’ll get tired when she realises she’s not creating a drama every time.

She has no reason to have any input whatsoever. If you give in on this she will think she can bully you about other things. Get him registered asap.

With the Welsh connection I'd be tempted to use the nickname Little Dragon when she's around 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿

She is ridiculous and you should absolutely not change the name. Don’t indulge this nonsense one more second.

I didn't keep the name I had always wanted for a son because of dh family consulting someone religious about the meaning who decided it would have negative connotations for my son. I have the one son and I do regret it.

He's your son, stick to the name you love. You are going to have to be direct with your mil and accept the fallout. 'You named your son and ill name mine thanks', will work well enough, get used to saying it on repeat.

😂😂

Of course you shouldn’t change your son’s name. Your MiL will get over it as he grows he’ll answer to his name and she’ll get used to it. If she wants to be part of her grandson’s life she realise it’s not her choice.

It's your baby, you and DH get to chose, she named her babies, very unfair for MIL to put pressure on. Be firm OP.

I wouldn’t dream of passing an opinion when my DS’ name their babies, it’s absolutely none of my business. I will accept whatever name they chose.

Don't discuss the name you've chosen for your next baby.

Start calling & introducing your mil by another name and if challenged, say that you don't like it so you thought you'd change it.

Do not give in over this. Make it clear to MIL that she stops her bullying or she will have very limited contact. You should not even be considering her comments. Is there a cultural element here?

What a fool. You hold all the cards here not sure why she feels so confident in throwing her weight around.

The fact that you're even asking the question is worrying! Your MIL's demands are totally ridiculous! Don't let her get inside your head.

Your dh needs to shut down her meddling and make her understand she can't dictate what you call and how you raise your ds.

You name your child whatever you wish and you don’t have to consider anyone else’s opinion.

I think on MILs side it’s a bit more than not liking a name though isn’t it? Her and FIL are long divorced, and you’ve honoured that side of the family twice in choosing a Welsh name as DH is half Welsh from his DF, plus a second name from FILs family. You can surely see why she might feel hurt?

Congrats on your baby. Keep whatever name you like and register him soon before your awful MiL has anymore time to try and poison the well with your DH. I'd be making a point of this now or she will think she has a say in decision making going forward.

Enjoy your new baby and if she is being awful just keep her at arms length and enjoy your baby bubble