To think someone must be able to do something - part two

[PurpleLampShades]

I’m starting a new thread as advised by some posters and because the first thread was a great source of support for me (link to first thread here).

Long story short - DS (16) is in a “relationship” with a woman 11 years older than him that I believe started before he turned 16 at the end of July, though they both denied that to police and SS. I tried everything I could think of to stop it but he walked out of the house to stay with her at the end of September and I’m struggling to maintain contact with him. I’ve barely been able to see or speak to him since he left. She has shown very controlling behaviour and he is slowly becoming isolated from me, his friends and hobbies etc. Social services are currently involved, doing an assessment, but have already said it’s very difficult to do much without him consenting to input/intervention so I think they’re trying to prepare me for a poor outcome of the assessment. I am trying to focus on keeping my relationship with him going and ensuring he knows I’m here whenever he needs me and can come home whenever he needs no questions asked.

Still thinking of you OP

Me too.x

And me x

Me too. I check in periodically to see if you are here OP ambit don’t want to bombard you in case you are just quietly getting on with life and don’t want to be constantly reminded. But do know we all care.

And me OP

You're in my thoughts also.

Me too. My heart breaks for you and your son.

Perfectly put.

Exactly what the dogs eyes said. Thinking of you often.

Another who still thinks of you and hopes for good news.

Another still here x

And another. Hope you're ok OP.

Yep still here. Hoping for a good result for you and your son. 🙏

Think of you so much, hope you're doing ok x

@Skye85 think you've posted on wrong thread.

Thinking of you op

Thinking of you and DS, hope you are ok

Hello. Thanks for all the lovely messages of support and sorry I’ve been so absent.

I do have a tiny bit of good news that I thought I share though. I received a text message from him today, finally! From the phone I left at the college for him. This is the first contact I’ve had with him since the beginning of April. It’s taken him over a month but finally he’s made contact. It’s quite sad how ecstatic I am to receive it but trying to focus on the positive aspect of it. Also trying not to get my hopes up too much to be honest. I would dearly, dearly love to actually see and speak to him in person but I need to make myself be realistic about it.

Anyway, we had a brief text conversation. He told me he is ok and everything is fine, asked if I’m ok, just general little catch up things. I told him I love and miss him and would love to see him if he’s able to but he hasn’t replied to that. I probably shouldn’t have said that. Perhaps it was too much pressure. I don’t know.

Other updates are not so good. I have found out that he never used the sport event tickets I got him for Christmas. One of his ‘sort of, but not really anymore’ friends told his mum that gf wouldn’t allow DS to go so he sold them and gave the money to gf.

He’s also on the verge of being thrown out of college due to attendance. They’re trying to give him special consideration but his attendance level just keeps dropping and he’s missing so much. I am pretty devastated about that. I so, so, so wanted him to keep going and get the qualifications he wanted to go to uni. The first year ends in a few weeks too and I’m really concerned what he will do in the summer break, and so afraid he just won’t bother enrolling into the 2nd year. He had all these plans and dreams about going to uni and studying for his dream career and that’s all been snuffed out of him. It’s so upsetting.

Not sad at all - bloody well done for giving him the phone, I'm so pleased he's used it, that's brilliant! I don't think your response was OTT in any way, shape or form. If you feel it was, or tou are worried, you can always send another saying just that, no pressure, always here when you need me, or something like that. I don't think it'll do any harm at all to hear that you love and miss him. Well done 💜

Purple, a lovely update, thank you for continuing the thread. I know it must be so hard but there's alot of people rooting for you and your son.

It's fantastic that he has reached out to you, I understand why you aren't getting your hopes up but it's definitely a step in the right direction. The fact that he took the phone shows that he wants to keep communication lines open with you even if it has taken a while to text. I hope you hear again from him soon.

Regarding the not so great part of the update, it's such a shame about college but (and I might be wrong in thinking like this) it might be good for him. He will need to get a job, which would put him around adults rather than his peers. He may notice that other relationships aren't like his and that will raise red flags for him or someone in the work place will notice that the relationship isn't quite right and flag it to him. It's easy for her to control him at college but no employer would put up with constant phonecalls and her showing up.

I have all fingers and toes crossed for you, I keep checking into the thread and hope you will be able to give us another positive update soon x

Oh Purple, I'm torn between happy for you that he's made contact, and incredibly sad that his life seems to narrowing and narrowing around this woman.

I wouldn't be worried about him getting a job though - this would widen his social circle and give him a snapshot of what other people's relationships are like. He's not going to encounter many other lads his own age with a controlller.

Keep on keeping on.

So pleased for you, hope that he makes contact again soon

A much needed glimmer of hope for you. Well done.

What have SS done, have they closed down his case now? College should be flagging that with them really.

I have thought of you often and wondered how you have been. I feel quite emotional just reading that @PurpleLampShades so cannot even begin to imagine how it is for you - there’s no need to feel ‘sad’ in the slightest, this is fairly bloody momentous! I think it must have taken a huge amount of courage for him to take this first step away from her control, when clearly she has gone to great lengths to cut him off from everything. Take heart and don’t shy away from expressing how much you love him in your messages - they are probably really comforting to him if he is beginning to doubt everything that has gone on over the past months…