My 18 year old son hits me

[Harrybosch]

Single parent and up until a few years ago we were very close. He was loving and affectionate and sill is at times. Over the last two years I have had a debilitating illness that has affected me very negatively.

initially ds was supportive but has gradually slid into becoming most unliveable. He shouts, throws things, pushes me and hurts me. He is very angry, the reason being that I haven’t been there for him. That is tue but having acknowledged that, I can’t rectify it.

he also uses fou language, doesn’t help and says he wishes I would die. Has anybody else gone through this and come out the other side

I would call the police on him. You don't need to put up with being assaulted.

I would also put him out tbh. Little shit.

Oh hon I know he's your son and you love him but you shouldn't have to put up with this and he needs to learn now. Call the police next time it happens but you need to let him know if this happens again he's out and on his own, and you need to mean it and he needs to know you mean it. Have you anyone IRL who can help? Xx

Evict, get rid, call the police.

It doesn't matter if the abusive person is family or partner, if they're an adult, and he is, then you do NOT have any obligation to let them stay and continue the abuse.

Is he struggling with your illness? It must be very scary for him watching you in pain/ loosing quality of life and not being able to do anything about it.
What other support does he have in his life?

No one really in real life. What would the police do?

he’s still in sixth form, where would he go. I have threatened to put him out and nearly called the police several times.

Just echoing other posters. Please tell him to pack his bags and contact the police if it happens again. This is not acceptable and in no way your fault. Take care of yourself.

This is a terrible situation for you, and you must get help. Your son is behaving in an appalling way, he is unkind, unhelpful and is assaulting you. You need to take action now. You could start by talking to a close friend or family member to get their perspective and ideas. Then you could talk to your son, if you feel able, and tell him that unless things change he will have to move out. This may pull him up, make him see he is behaving in an unacceptable way and change. If things don't immediately change you need to go to the police to get help, you seem to be living in fear of the next outburst, and this is no way to live. The Domestic Violence unit will be able to advise on ways to proceed, and make no bones about it, this is DV.

Yes he’s struggled with my illness a lot. That’s where the anger comes from. He is waiting for an appointment to see specialist in mental health.

Op, you might not want to go to the police with this, but it is worth considering. They deal with this sort of thing often, and they may be able to signpost you to additional support. Also, your son does need it pointing out to him that this is assault, abuse and not acceptable. The police rarely prosecute in these cases btw, because they know its not helpful.

What’s the pastoral team at 6th form
like? It might be worth contacting them. They may have in-school counselling or be able to signpost you to other resources.

I understand not wanting to kick him out while still at school and with nowhere to go, but you also need to to keep yourself safe.

You've said you've threatened and nearly gone to the police and that's his get out clause. He knows you threaten but do nothing, so why should he listen to you? You worry about where he will go, Social Services will find him a room if necessary. The police will definitely listen, they don't want this to end with a late night act of criminal violence. They will arrange to talk to him about his behaviour and what could happen next.

I really feel for you, it is a terrible, frightening situation.

Living with a sick person is difficult but you just don't hit them. Perhaps encourage him to go out for a walk if he is angry, or cycle, that does help. However you don't have to put up with this.

If necessary, get social services involved. It might be possible for him to go into some sort of supported housing while he is still in education, and get some counselling.

He sounds like he is struggling to cope with the change that your illness has caused. He is unfortunately directing that anger your way. He does need help to deal with his emotions. The fact that he is still at school is a good thing. Do not be afraid to approach them for help. Good luck.

This is a terrible situation OP it must be really hard. It's a hard one tbh, especially because it's your child. Al the posters saying ring the police probably don't understand how hard it would actually be to ring the police on your child no matter how old they are. At the end of the day No one else can make the decision on how to handle things but you. It doesn't excuse what's happening but he may be experiencing mental health issues that might need to be looked at, depression/BPD can bring out episodes like this in people

Theres no point in threatening to call the police, you have to do this, its assault and he needs to acknowledge that, its difficult for him but it will only get worse the more he gets away with it. Plenty of kids and young adults live with a sick parent and with support he has to manage his behaviour and anger. What advice would you give a friend who reported this to you.

This is domestic abuse.

My brother was abusive towards my mother as a teen, I'm afraid it only got worse, and to keep herself she had to kick him out in the end. Social services were useless.

He is still abusive as an adult.

I wish you well.

Another option if you really don’t want to call the police and if you have a long term debilitating illness which may not improve (idk if that’s the case) is to refer yourself to the adult safeguarding team at the local authority and tell them that you are living in fear of your son. They should investigate & may be able to put some support in place

This is awful, I'm sorry you're going through this. I don't know what the answer is. Have you contacted Women's Aid? They will have dealt with this before and may be able to support you.

Thank you everyone for your input. I’ve decided to contact the school.

I did make him go to the doctor as he was suffering from anxiety but I don’t know what was said. He is very immature for his age. I shouldn’t threaten then not carry out the threat. He just gets so very angry. He has booted in doors, thrown stuff and broken things. Underneath all that there is a very scared child and I want to help him. It’s all so hurtful.

Call the police, report the assaults, tell them he's no longer welcome in your house and change the locks. Things won't change unless you change them.

Underneath all that there is a very scared child

He's abusive.

Is he smoking cannabis? My brother started like this around 17 and is unfortunately still a horrible violet man in his 30s who has gone on to further assault female partners.

My DM wishes she had involved the police 20 years ago.

Call the police OP. If he will hit you, he will hit others.
If you don't report for yourself and your well-being- do it for his future victim/ victims.

hav you spoken with the school/college about his behaviour there? Maybe they can point you in the direction of agencies that can assist you and your son.