My 18 year old son hits me

[Harrybosch]

Single parent and up until a few years ago we were very close. He was loving and affectionate and sill is at times. Over the last two years I have had a debilitating illness that has affected me very negatively.

initially ds was supportive but has gradually slid into becoming most unliveable. He shouts, throws things, pushes me and hurts me. He is very angry, the reason being that I haven’t been there for him. That is tue but having acknowledged that, I can’t rectify it.

he also uses fou language, doesn’t help and says he wishes I would die. Has anybody else gone through this and come out the other side

Call the police.

However much he's struggled he doesn't have a right to abuse you.

And honestly - you need to stop making excuses for him.

Stop threatening the police and call the police. He won't stop until he's made to. Or you're killed. Whichever comes first.

Harsh? Yes. Likely true? Yes. An abuser doesn't have to be a significant other (secuao partner, etc) to make them an abuser. He's abusing you. You're aware of this. So do something about it.

@Emmamoo89 a 2020 Montreal University study found that regular cannabis users were almost 3 times more likely to commit a violent offence as those that abstain.

There are specialist homeless spaces for young people aged 16-21. If your son reported homeless, the homeless team should try and support him into one of these places, where he would have a key worker who would help prepare him for his own tenancy

So why did Canada legalise then if there is so much evidence

I'm not a user and my partner did it for 10 years and wasn't violence once. So yeah totally bullshit. If someone is going to be violent they don't need drugs

Violent*

That’s a completely different question. Are you going to do the adult thing and actually read the research now and admit that you are wrong, or is that a bit of a big ask of a cannabis user?

I've done it a few times. It doesn't cause violence. And no it's not. Is a good question tbf. If it was that bad they wouldn't of legalised it.

You said what the effects on you were, but now you are saying you’ve not used it?

I won’t derail the thread any more, but I have never seen such a pathetic refusal to engage with proper scientific evidence.

If you've read what ive said properly there is a difference. I'm not a user I have used it in the past. Not an active user. However if you said alcohol I would of agreed with you. That causes violence

You need to speak to him when he's calm and say:

I want to tell you that you're my son, I love you, always will, and I am sorry I have not been there for you, and I understand you feel let down and hurt.
But you are legally an adult now, and i will speak to you in grown-up terms. Pushing someone, shouting at them, calling names and hitting are all serious forms of domestic abuse. You are being domestically abusive towards me, which is a crime. Even though I love you, and always will, i will no longer accept being assaulted. If anything like this happens even one more time I will call the Police and press charges against you. You are an adult and you must either change this criminal behaviour or face the legal consequence of the crimes you commit. I mean this 100%. I WILL CALL THE POLICE if you assult me again.

And obviously then call the police if/when he kicks off again.

I'm so sorry what you are going through. You definitely need to phone the police. He should not be hitting you. X

You need to call the Police & stop just using it as a threat. He's an adult the fact he's your son won't mean they'll treat him differently.

Phone & report it & leave him to deal with the consequences. And while he's in custody pack his stuff & change your locks

Contact safeguarding in your sons school or college. They may be able to signpost you to an agency which can help. In my area there is a charity that supports parents abused by children. Sometimes just having a conversation about his behaviour with an adult outside the situation, like a teacher, can help a young person to see what they are doing is wrong.

Throw him out OP.
Call the police - this is absolutely outrageous.

No one can prove that cannabis “ Causes violence “

any more than coffee “ Causes violence “

Some violent people use coffee but the coffee isn’t the cause of the violence.

Doing studies on this would be extremely tricky, you’d need “ Controls” .
Young Gang members are more likely to be violent than a 70 yr old who has used cannabis heavily for 50 years.

Personally, I’d rather be around cannabis users ( Coffeeshops in countries where it is legal) than pubs.

Cannabis makes people eat a lot of sweet things but I have never seen it cause violence.
Cannabis is rarely used alone in gang type situations- Cocaine, stimulants and alcohol are far more likely to cause someone to beat up someone severely.
It is prescribed for medical conditions in some countries, and those prescribed it don’t go attacking people .
I’m not a user, just an observer , so have no dog in this race.

Try this charity
www.riseuk.org.uk/get-help/about-domestic-abuse/child-to-parent-abuse

@oakleaffy, I work with offenders and I have dealt with numerous cases where cannabis use has directly factored into violence.

Or this one
www.pegsupport.co.uk/

I doubt it was weed that caused the violence

I much rather be around cannabis users. They are so chill. Definitely not violent

Well it's time your 18 year old son went to live somewhere else.

get the locks changed, don't let him have a key under any circumstances and pack his bags for him.

Physical assault is never an acceptable response.

A prison officer said they used to turn a blind nostril to weed as it meant a quiet night on the wing.
People will try to blame anything to make an excuse for behaviour.
Unless scientific studies are done properly, I don’t believe it causes violence anymore than coffee does.
I will ask tomorrow a research scientist ( Psycopharmacology) If Cannabis causes violence, and what studies have been done.
Sole cannabis users are hard to find.
Almost all use other drugs that can cause violence, like cocaine/ alcohol/ Spice

Your his sole parent who has obviously had poor health for the last 2 years (at least). Hes frightened OP. He's seen you trying to battle your illness and is scared of losing you / watching your illness progress whilst being unable to make it stop. That not to excuse his behaviour, but he has had to watch you become unwell for how many years now? What support has he had in dealing with this? Has he got any siblings? In touch with his dad? I would be looking at support from young carer type of charities so he can have some counselling around those issues.