My 18 year old son hits me

[Harrybosch]

Single parent and up until a few years ago we were very close. He was loving and affectionate and sill is at times. Over the last two years I have had a debilitating illness that has affected me very negatively.

initially ds was supportive but has gradually slid into becoming most unliveable. He shouts, throws things, pushes me and hurts me. He is very angry, the reason being that I haven’t been there for him. That is tue but having acknowledged that, I can’t rectify it.

he also uses fou language, doesn’t help and says he wishes I would die. Has anybody else gone through this and come out the other side

Even if his behaviour is underpinned by anxiety, it should still be considered intolerable. If you continue to accept it, it’s likely to get worse. If you won’t take action to protect yourself, consider doing it to protect his future mental health. If he does really love you, imagine how he will feel if he seriously injures you at some point. Call the Police. If he is immature and not cocky, the Police lifting him and popping him in cell for a couple of hours might be the shock he needs to listen to you and find more productive ways to deal with his feelings. Unfortunately, teenage children assaulting their parents isn’t uncommon. The Police deal with it regularly and sensitively (they have too. There are strict rules).

I would also like to echo PP that given context he is unlikely to be criminalised first time if he is still in school. I was given 2 cautions and told if it happened again I would be prosecuted. The police were actually very understanding and took it within the context of a difficult home situation and mental health while also referring my mother to further support and counselling. A night in the cells is also a deterrent. Because it is a choice even if at the time he pretends it isn't.

They won't let him go on to the streets if that's what you're worried about. If the behaviour isn't broken now he will go on to hit other women.

Family Lives has advice for this.

Absolutely. Talk to psychiatrists, psychologists, mental health nurses. There’s a major epidemic of young men and cannabis problems sweeping right across the country. It’s insane.

Hope OP is able to get support. For both of them. Keeping safe is priority.

Do you have other dc?

Calling the police lets him know that you will mot hesitate to get outside help if he gets violent.

Please do call the police, as his behaviour will escalate,

@Harrybosch

Have you yourself ever gone to your GP to talk about your situation?

I sense a huge relucance on your part to involve the police. I think you're misguided there. If your son ends up seriously injuring you, knocking you out, or worse (God forbid) the matter will be out of your hands and the consequences for your son will be much worse than they would be if you weren't too badly injured to make the call.

Your doctor might be able to suggest alternatives to the police or signpost you to support.

Or the doctor might be able to talk to you about co dependence and its horrible effects on you both. You don't want to lose control of this situation, which is why you won't call the police. The idea that you are in control here is an illusion very common among abuse victims.

Thank you all for your input.

one of the worst things is that I left my marriage due to domestic violence and I now have those ‘walking on eggshells’ feelings a lot. I appreciate the effort and time people have put into replies. Thank you all.

Im going to phone the school today and try to get him some help. Hopefully this will work.

Please do also contact Family Lives for support for yourself.

Your son is an abusive thug, call the police.

Your son has witnessed domestic violence and now his only parent is poorly. He's got a lot going on in his life. I don't agree with other posters saying kick him out , not yet. Agree with talking to him when he's calm. Show him love but firm boundaries and that if it happens again you will have no choice but to call the police. He must accept help also in managing his feelings and behaviour. Feel for both of you very sad thread

I'm really alarmed by these posts. If an intimate partner was treating OP the same way the responses would be a unanimous LTB but because it's her son everyone is trying to be understanding about any anxieties which may trigger his violent behaviour.

OP's son is a domestic abuser and he is over the age of criminal responsibility, can we please stop making excuses for men who think violence is an acceptable way to deal with difficult emotions. When someone's behaviour is so extreme it threatens the safety of someone else we need to be very clear it is not acceptable rather than find ways to be sympathetic to them. There is no excuse which reduces the likelihood of OP being seriously injured or even killed so she need to take her safety seriously.

You are making excuses for his behaviour.

Right now he’s learning that it’s ok to hit women, especially vulnerable women and I fear for any future girlfriends he has.
You have the opportunity to teach him a different lesson, that there are consequences for violent behaviour.

No but it’s risky for teens with underdeveloped brains. As an adult do what you want

This is domestic violence and would be treated the same as if a partner was doing it. Call the Police.

So you think it’s a woman’s job to be a punch bag if a boy is upset? What if she got upset about her illness and started hitting him, would that be ok too?

No woman owes ANY male her body to punch and abuse.

Oh you poor love ❤️

''People who only use cannabis are not hard to find''

So why aren't these myriad cannabis users constantly beating people up?
It is a very commonly used drug, and if it ''Caused violence'' by itself, then the streets of Amsterdam, or British Columbia, or Spain ought to be awash with people attacking others, and they aren't.

Violence has many other causes, and where would the 'Controls' be found?

You'd need genetically identical twins, reared in the same family and give one of them cannabis, and the other not, to see if it made the cannabis dosed one 'Violent' or not.

Many factors make a person antisocial and violent, the ''Reefer madness'' narrative is nonsense.
Funding is far more likely to be given to researchers who would like to put forward various hypotheses that ''Cannabis is bad'' than ''Cannabis is benign''.

He needs help before he turns into a violent abuse man long term.
the police will remove him. He can be charged with assault.

Put this another way. If he learns there are no consequences to his actions, what happens when he gets a gf and has a child.

You have a right to be safe and a responsibility as his mother to make it clear this is not acceptable even if this means reporting to the police or kicking him out.

He needs an intervention of some kind and those routes probably are unfortunately maybe the only way he will take it seriously.

Can those debating cannabis use make their own thread? This is the OP's.

@Harrybosch I can't add any more advice, just wanted you to know I am thinking of you, & I hope everything will work out well for you.. hugs.