Husband converted to Islam

[newbookonshelf]

What would you make of this? Not sure what I'm asking. He's trying to find himself I suppose. We're all looking for meaning in this world. I've thought about religion many times, but just not sure what to make of it right now.

Cue a load of disingenuous "what's Extreme about not believing in a god"

Religion gives me the ick (if I’m allowed to use that word on MN). I don’t care what religion it is (I was brought up Catholic) I intensely dislike them all.

I'm happy to rub along side many friends/work colleagues from all sorts of religions. However I'm an atheist, I respect their choices and they respect mine.

My exDH did 'find god' in his 50's. Very preachy so I showed him the door. It was the total change in him that surprised me. No matter what you say, he wasn't the same person. I was absolutely freaked out by it.

@Squeezita totally agree.
Also agree with @Illstartexercisingtomorrow - a nice balanced view (so will probably be ignored..)

You give no indication he discussed any of this with you first. To me, this is the main issue.

To convert to a new faith is a massive step, with huge implications for the individual, how they bring up children, their life priorities, what they do with their money, etc.

Did he seriously just announce to you that he'd converted? If it was me, I'd have been discussing every aspect of it for months (or years) first with my partner/husband/wife, and I'd want to feel sure they were onboard. I'd have invited them to classes at the mosque, and discussions with friends of the new faith to reassure my partner about the step I was taking.

If he just announced it as a done deal, to me that flags up issues of trust and communication in the relationship, and something not quite right about his reasons for converting.

I would have to divorce. I am a confirmed atheist and cannot be swayed. I find religion of all kinds controlling and most faiths denigrate women. I am too set in my ways to change my lifestyle to accommodate my husband's new faith.

The poster was saying how

Sent too soon! The poster was saying how on MN British men treat their wives badly so I asked if British men can’t be Muslim as they seemed mutually exclusive to the poster.

She wasn’t a child. Her older sister, Asma, was 10 years older than her and was recorded as being 27 years old at the time of Aisha’s marriage to the Prophet Muhammad PBUH. Aisha had also been engaged once before.

HTH

I wouldn't personally choose to be with anyone that was into any type of religion at all. A little of what I love about DH is we share the same atheist beliefs (or lack thereof) and so if he suddenly decided he was religious, I'd a) think he was ill, or b) think very differently of him as a person if he wasn't ill and this was a serious thing.

PotteringPondering · Today 14:21

"You give no indication he discussed any of this with you first. To me, this is the main issue."

Surely the crux of the issue.

Religious people tend to be live and let live whilst atheists are belligerently offensive to anyone who believes in a religion.

Yes, particularly the ones who ban abortion in the USA, bomb and murder followers of a different denomination of the SAME religion in NI, pressure their offspring not to marry outside their faith, disown them when they come out as gay or commit "honour"-based crimes against their daughter. They're ever so live and let live.

In fact it's not like there has ever been any kind of connection between religion and intolerance ever.

So what IS extreme about not believing in a god, then?

You do realise a lot of "goodness" and morality originated from religion?? Yes in this day and age when "goodness" and morality has been established and now atheists practice it too, it's easy to say "just be a decent person" and no need to follow religion. But if you look back in history, goodness/morality/decency came from religion/holy books and scriptures whether you acknowledge it or not. My issue with atheism and concept of being "good" is, that if you're in testing times how could you guarantee you'd do the 'good' thing, how do you even know what you do is considered 'good'. If a town is starving and there is no food, and when you get something to eat, would you share it with your starving neighbour first?or fill your own and your children's belly first? I think a lot of atheists would fill their own belly first, whereas Islam/and other religions say and have examples where the neighbour was fed first. Reading religious and historical books reminds us of those good examples that we can try to incorporate in our lives. In religion it's pretty black and white what is considered 'good'..and in testing times you'd still do good because you know you'll be answerable to God.

I guess it won't affect things for you unless he decides to change his way of living.

I'd be perfectly fine with my DP praying etc but Hahal meat, zero alcohol in the house, a change of roles to become more traditional, wanting females to dress more modestly etc would be an absolute no from me.

that would be a deal breaker for me.

Hate the word belly. Being good is basically not deliberately hurting another being. That’s it at its most simplest form. I don’t need religion to understand that concept.

You do realise a lot of "goodness" and morality originated from religion??

Not sure about that one, Blueberry, since it's just as realistic to believe that good and bad have always existed and that religion simply "co-opted" the former to buttress its position

Obviously creating an association of the already good/well intentioned/whatever was a positive thing, but as we've seen, too often the basic principles get lost in manmade dogma, self service and sometimes downright evil

Trouble is, by the time this becomes widely noticed, the leaders who've taken the opportunity to dig themselves into positions of influence can be harder to challenge

@steakart Love your choice of words. Imagine anybody spoke about the Jewish faith the way you speak about Islam, hell would break loose!

Secondly, as a Muslim woman, reading the comments and knowing what sort of prejudices and strong opinions that people have of us exist, it is most probably the reason we find it so much harder than others to make a successful career for ourselves, getting jobs, promotions etc. Not related directly to the thread, but just seeing the comments and how people think of us make me realise it more. We’ve been in this country for 3 generations now, please treat and talk about us individuals with a choice. Not Islamics and oppressed females and radicalised and wives of misogynistic men and all that malarky.

You know this now because religion brought this teaching many centuries ago. And now it's established as 'good' without the religion tag. Also again how do you know if you did something non-intentional or didn't realise you hurt someone, would that be considered "bad" from you? You might not because you didn't intend to but they might be really hurt and want you to be answerable for it. This is why religion helps as everyone is on the same page of good and bad, and Islam goes deeper into what to do in such and such situation which make sense and are fair to me.

The problem with this argument is that there is an awful lot in most religions (certainly the Abrahamic ones) that we would consider far from "good". Some that is absolutely revoting and heinous.

Whether to share scarce food with a starving neighbour for example would depend on a lot of things. Is that neighbour gay? If so then obviously they are an offence to the Lord, you're only really waiting for your God to deliver a just early death to them and send them to the Hellfire they deserve, so why would you waste food on them? Or are they minority jews within a muslim community? In which case they are second class citizens and should be paying for your food with their dhimmi tax anyway.

If you want to make the point that most modern-day western religious people don't believe or follow these aspects of their religion, but rather just cherry-pick the parts that conform to liberal western ideals of "goodness", then that's true (to an extent). But that then negates your original point. If it's possibly to cherry pick the "good" parts out of a religious teaching while rejecting the bad parts, then your sense of goodness must not originate in the religion. It must come from somewhere else, because otherwise how would you know which parts of the religion to follow and which to reject?

I's agree that some things like the parables of Jesus' life are valuable illustrations of moral principles, but no more so than plenty of other works of fiction. But if you're going to claim a religious teaching is the ORIGIN of morality, then when it comes into conflict with contemporary mores you'd have to reject the latter, not the former.

Agreed.

The bible -or any other "holy books" are at best observational documents.
It isn't hard to watch a peaceful community and figure out what makes it so.
"Goodness" existed long before any bible was written.
Homo sapiens are tribal creatures, altruism benefits the tribe to enable peaceful and prosperous living.
Altruism isn't even confined to humans-other apes have it, wolves, birds, fish, even ants and bees use altruistic mechanisms to ensure the survival of the group and individual.

The idea that religion invented morality is laughable-and very arrogant.

Nothing, it's just some people of the people espousing a more extreme course of action of splitting up straight away were atheists. That's clearly what the comment meant.

I do encounter an awful lot of very evangelical atheists though and find them as galling as religious atheists

I agree with this, OP. Religious people tend to be live and let live whilst atheists are belligerently offensive to anyone who believes in a religion.

Nope you can't put atheists under same umbrella as there is no standard group for atheists. Religious people live and let live are you absolutely joking they like to interfere in lots of things.

Religious people are only getting offended by atheists now as they are more free to say what they think instead of being persecuted by said religions.

And if your god is so great why be offended what you consider a 'silly atheist' thinks.

"There's a negative connotation because of the media but if he follows Islam properly, he will be an even better husband, father, son, brother, colleague and so on."

I can only assume the above was a joke.

Initially I would assume he had lost his mind. and would be extremely unhappy. If it was just the pair of you, providing he made no attempt to convert or change anything, I would give him a chance. However, you have a daughter and unless she is of an age to be firm in her own mind re her beliefs, I would not trust him not to attempt to convert her which is why I would leave.