Husband converted to Islam

[newbookonshelf]

What would you make of this? Not sure what I'm asking. He's trying to find himself I suppose. We're all looking for meaning in this world. I've thought about religion many times, but just not sure what to make of it right now.

They are like tuna and mayonnaise two separate and distinct things but together they work for some people, just not everyone.

Yeah the man bun was a terrible example, I blame menopause for lack of brain power. I don't even care about man buns.

Still the theme stands. You can leave anyone at any time for any or no reason.

All Muslims? I think you may be one of those internet scholars. This is hadith and a large proportion of Muslims do not rely or even believe the hadith.

I was thinking about this and it’s worth mentioning that nowadays it’s quite common for a parent to give money or property to their daughters whilst still alive. Yes, other family members have to agree to this but I’ve not come across any family who have said - no, it’s not happening. Instead, people usually go along with it because it’s what the parent wants. There is also the fact that a person can bequeath month to a person as long as it’s no more than (I think) 30 percent of what they have. Again, this is commonly done nowadays to even up what is given to a persons children.

Your nonsensical random quoting is laughable. You sound eaten up by hatred.

We've had a few chats now and I've response honestly because I'm not really capable of anything else and see no point. In a marriage it's about openness.

So, I've conveyed to him I'm just not a fan and we'll have to see where this goes. He said he expected a negative reaction from some of his family but not me. Why?

Why would I have an indifferent reaction? That's silly. And as for positive, again why would be positive? There's no reason for me to champion following a religion when I have never wanted to do so nor be with someone who does.

I'm actually not that happy but as I said to him we'll see where it goes now.

I would try to explain your discomfort to him based on your these circumstances.

Now that he identifies as Muslim, would he be happy if you said you've converted to Judaism or Catholicism? Would he really not be uncomfortable with it?

Because you identify as atheist so him converting to Islam is the same as you doing those things.

A conflicting framework to live by that is at odds with everything you believe.

If he would now feel uncomfortable if you came home tomorrow and said you're now a Catholic, he's being a hypocrite to expect you to feel otherwise.

Yes but as with all such situations it's easy for him to just say 'yes, I would' and that's exactly what he did of course.

We'll see where it goes. To be totally honest it's making me feel more and more atheist because I just find this whole religion thing icky. Apologies to anyone who is religious but I only say this because I'm trying to be honest and it's the subject of the thread.

I support anyone to be free to practise and believe their religion but if you were to ask me if I respect the religion itself no I don't, I think it's rather silly to be praying to a god on the floor.

Don't get me wrong. I speak to "god" whatever it may be, it's my own thing, and never would that come out to others.

Submission to a god? Surrendering of your own mind? Not attractive.

I would think he would be more accepting of Catholicism and Judaism as he technically can be married to ‘people of the book’ without them needing to convert to his religion.

If he’s happy married to OP being an atheist and is okay with her lifestyle and her beliefs don’t bother him (so he says right now) I don’t know how OP converting to one of those religions and becoming more godly is worse especially when his religion says it’s ok to be married to women who are of that religion 🤷‍♀️ but then he could whinge and complain that OP has changed too much and he preferred OP when she hadn’t converted to said religion and then maybe he’ll realise what he’s put OP through.
Maybe OP should just pretend to be of a more conflicting religion or lifestyle (although I don’t think you can get more at odds with religion than atheism, maybe satanist?) and see his reaction -he might change his tune once he realises OP can do the same 😂

OP I could tell the more I read from your posts that you were getting the ick and that’s natural, especially if you are becoming more or are atheist - he’s changed from someone you had a lot in common with which is why you married him into someone you don’t really know at all.
And for me, if I couldn’t respect my partner I really couldn’t be with them.
So I think you can either be honest with him and say exactly what you’ve said here or you can hope for the best but you clearly don’t have much respect for him so I’m not sure how you can get over that and if you’d even want to?

I personally think at 25 he doesn’t really know what he’s doing anyway but by the time he realises it will probably be too late for your relationship.

Thank you, yes you get it.

I have totally told him all this. I don't keep my feelings in, I see no point.

He seemed hurt but honestly so am I.

I don't know what to do. I am hoping the ick subsides and that's all I can hope for. If we split up it means time away from my daughter. I'm trying to keep it together but what I'm going to do is create a life outside my family. I had dedicated myself to being a wife and mother and I feel like he's breached out little contract.

Ultimately it doesn't matter why I feel how I do. I feel it and nothing can be done about that.

Hi OP, I do think it's quite possible that this is just a phase with him. Can I ask - does he have many friends in real life? Maybe it's just that some men have made a particular effort with him at the mosque and he felt an 'acceptance' he doesn't get from male friends elsewhere? I mean, how long was it between him visiting the mosque to announcing he is now a Muslim? It sounds like he just enjoys going there, like a hobby, but he hasn't thought at all about the implications for his family and wider life. As I said yesterday, the men at his mosque will assume you are now a Muslim household, by default. It would be his duty to god, as a Muslim husband and father, to instil certain values in his household. Maybe he already gives money to charity, but there is an obligation for him to give a certain percentage of savings now too. On what level do you think he is comprehending his conversion? I don't think many people would seriously convert without putting the impact on the family first and foremost, as the family is so fundamental in Islam.

Thanks. No he doesn't speak with his friends and yes, this is totally about what you say.

He went to the mosque once, did the oath, and that was that and now he's saying phrases in his speech and sprawled out on the floor a few times a day.

The damage is done. He's just weak and changeable. I can't know him or what he will do next.

Good luck OP. It does sound like insecurity on his part, but still, very annoying and difficult for you. Book a yoga retreat with delicious vegan food and 24/7 Buddhist chanting quick - he might come back 'converted' again!

I think it's rather silly to be praying to a god on the floor.

He went to the mosque once, did the oath, and that was that and now he's saying phrases in his speech and sprawled out on the floor a few times a day.

You seem to have made an about face OP, as previously you said 'The praying doesn't bother me. We both WFH and if he's praying up there I wouldn't even know let alone care.'

Your shift from being 'live and let live' to spouting things like being 'silly' and 'sprawled on floor' is quite dramatic.

I'm wondering how much of what you have said is true now as one thing Muslims definitely don't do is 'sprawl' on a prayer mat. They are either standing, kneeling or sitting. Never sprawling.

That was until I saw it with my own eyes yes.

He was lying on his front kind of thing with his hands out in front of him.

That was until I saw it with my own eyes yes.

So despite claiming you have Muslim friends and not being bothered by praying, just the sight of your husband at the prayer mat has given you the ‘the ick’?

Yeah, that happened. Not sure why, I could be being out of order. I don't know, but it did. Maybe cause it was so sudden it's a bit like one day you're just you and next day it's PBUH and mashallah and lying on the floor.

It's a big change for me.

There is no element of the Islamic prayer that requires lying on your front with your hands out in front.

It sounds more like a yoga move. Are you sure you haven’t got Islam and yoga confused?

Theres no sprawling out on the floor when praying. People actually pray within a very small area (think prayer mat sized area) and the movements are very tidy and contained.

Yes I’m wondering this too.
Not respecting a religion is one thing, calling its followers silly for praying on the floor, and sprawled out, what is he high on weed? Shouldn’t be praying if intoxicates or unless it is indeed a yoga pose, agree complete u turn really and now she’s more atheist all of a sudden 🤔

how at the start, the impression I was getting from her posts that they’re both on spiritual paths and his had led him to religion, like a maybe older age white male with some life experience behind him, which made me think maybe he’s on the Sufi path as many choose but now I’m getting the impression he’s done this quickie conversion, came as a shock to OP, seems to be a billy no mates ie fits the stereotype of vulnerable young white convert. What many pp’s were saying very early on but no, that wasn’t the case, his conversion was all making sense as it was all part of his long term beliefs anyway.
If she had said this latter posts from the start i wouldn’t have bothered writing much and the thread would’ve have been much shorter, as everyone would know it’s just a phase etc I would have just said get some family together, do an intervention incase he’s going into extremism paths and being vulnerable with mental health issues all of which OP was refuting at the start as it was his personal journey, him not needing a community etc but now says yup that’s what it is.

Seems a wind up.

@magma32 and the dramatic posts started when there was a lull in her thread as people moved on to other threads.

Seems a wind up

I’ve thought the same a few times throughout the thread but increasingly towards the end of it. I decided to keep on posting though just in case others might be interested in knowing more about Islam. If the thread is a wind up I’m not bothered as it says more about the OP (and a couple of other posters) than anyone else.

I mean he could have.

It's not a wind up, I wish it was.