Husband converted to Islam

[newbookonshelf]

What would you make of this? Not sure what I'm asking. He's trying to find himself I suppose. We're all looking for meaning in this world. I've thought about religion many times, but just not sure what to make of it right now.

@newbookonshelf

I did see your post stating you are both vegan due to ethical beliefs.

Don't let him sway you. I hope he sticks to his principles on the matter. A 'God' isn't benefitting from your abstinence from eating meat. Animals are. A tangible result.

OP, the way you describe his sudden peppering of texts with certain Islamic phrases etc, makes him sound like all these teenagers who have suddenly affected / adopted Islam due to their obsession with the delightful Andrew Tate. It's very shallow and definitely a fad if I ever saw one. Teens are doing the same as your husband all over TikTok etc with only the most scant understanding of what Islam actually entails. Are you sure he's not having some kind of mid-life crisis?

Okay, I am seeing more why he subscribed to this from what you've said.

He already provides for us and tells me to keep what I earn. I have not given up work, I want my own income, and I use it for our daughter and myself, and him of course, and our house, and he's always been this way.

He would still provide for our daughter if we broke up too, he's said this.

I see how it aligns with his beliefs more now, and he does see himself as the head of the household and this has been a bone of contention but I do agree with a family unit being made up of a whole and not two independent adults.

Okay I'm still working this out.

I know a few Muslims and think they're great, I just never expected it to come into my home in this way and I'm scared I guess. I catastrophise and this is all a bit of a shock to me and that's very compounded by the fact we want another baby.

Same goes for inheritance law...a girl inherits 1/4 and a boy inherits 1/2 because he has to provide his family with it but whatever the girl gets she keeps for herself and gets to chose how to use it.

What if the daughter doesn't marry a Muslim and marries a man who sees her as a financial equal he doesn't need to provide for as they're an equal team?

What if the daughter never marries?

What if the daughter never marries but does end up having children to provide for financially?

What if the daughter marries, divorces and is therefore a single earner who has to provide for her children financially?

Due to all of the above and more I'm not sure how you can spin those inheritance rules as a positive or empowering thing for girls and women.

I wouldn't be able to tell you a nation as I don't follow the same sect as the leaders of those nations. But one community - the Ahmadiyya Muslim Community that I follow definitely has upheld the true teachings of Islam and provide equal treatment of women and men. Unfortunately this community is heavily persecuted by other sects of Islam also.

No he definitely is.

Do you think it will just pass?

Yes very well put.

It might just pass OP. Or it might morph into something else. How old is he?

Yes and that's fine if you want to work and you can chose to use it whatever way you like, if you want to contribute to the house that's your choice. But it will always remain his responsibility.

I can understand OP the unknown can be scary

🙈 I understand.

I have a real problem with Inshallah and quite often pull people up on using it insincerely. Like when you know a person isn’t going to act on something because they can’t be bothered then they say Inshallah to pretend they will.

25

Okay here's the issue I've just come to realise as well

So we have a lot of political discussions and a lot of our talk is about ideas and things, you know? I don't want to say we have intellectual discussions but we are both quite focused on our family so don't really like gossip and stuff. So we discuss things more academically.

So now I'm thinking he's going to kind of take a religions slant on everything and our conversations will change.

He already provides for us and tells me to keep what I earn

Yes. That’s the norm. A woman has her own wealth. Though nowadays women will usually contribute to the family upkeep through choice. Many men won’t accept it but the women will then quite often get round it by saying - ok, I’ll pay the school fees, or pay all of the childrens expenses. Truth be told I don’t know any woman within my friendship group or extended family circle who doesn’t have her own property bought from her salary that she also earns an income from.

They could very well change for the better. It doesn’t have to be detrimental.

Daughter marries a non Muslim: yes this is why in Islam, Muslim women can/should only marry Muslim men. If she does she's essentially not following Islamic law is she?so she'll get her inheritance but cant expect her partner will provide for her and her children always

If she doesn't marry: that's why Muslims are encouraged to marry.

Children without marriage: again not allowed in Islam, children need to be in marriage, hence why no sex in Islam outside of marriage.

Daughter marries, divorces, children: that responsibility lies with the ex husband, he has to provide for his children financially.

In all this, if a Muslim girl does face all these situation and she was raised properly with an education and can work she can always provide for herself by working. Also if her father, brother anyone is alive they should provide for her too.

My contribution is more manual labour as in cleaning, cooking, and house stuff as I enjoy this stuff
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I don't think that's the norm at all especially from what I read on mumsnet😅

I think she meant in Islam but it's our norm anyway, it's how our family functions, it works best for us because we both enjoy our roles.

I think you're worrying or overthinking a lot OP. Give it time honestly and then see how things work.
I wouldn't advice pregnancy just yet..wait a few months even 1-2 months and see how things are like, he might not change the slightest and you might be completely fine with it. So dont worry honestly.

You're right. I think this is where I'm at, thank you.

Faith and religion are two different things.

You see I find that questionable. I am also married to a Muslim, and I am by far the higher earner. The thought that if we had a daughter, she would be expected to inherit less from my hard work is not acceptable to me. I also think it is unacceptable to place the burden of looking after the family on a son, when they have their own life to lead. It is an equal duty of parents to support their children in the way that makes the most of their ability to contribute.

Hi, so are you Muslim also?

So is your husband in agreement with you that your daughter will inherit?

It does seem like you can pick and choose what to follow then, which I suppose is a good thing.

No I am Christian, but I saw the inheritance patterns when DH's parents died and his sisters got half of what the brothers got. I was very uncomfortable with that.

We don't have a daughter but if we had, I would refuse to allow a sharia based split.

@Blueberry111

Thanks for coming back to me, I do appreciate and want to understand other peoples point of view.

Daughter marries a non Muslim: yes this is why in Islam, Muslim women can/should only marry Muslim men. If she does she's essentially not following Islamic law is she?so she'll get her inheritance but cant expect her partner will provide for her and her children always completely understand the logic of that but I guess from an atheists point of view it seems pretty awful to base your child's inheritance on whether or not they continue to observe your faith, whereas their male sibling is less affected by whether they do or not. It's sexist.

If she doesn't marry: that's why Muslims are encouraged to marry. again, I understand that but if she never meets someone she loves, doesnt want to marry, is gay etc then again she is basically being punished for not following the expectations of the religion. Which so the parents prerogative obviously as it's their money, but again, her male sibling would be less affected by staying single / being gay than she would. It's sexist.

Children without marriage: again not allowed in Islam, children need to be in marriage, hence why no sex in Islam outside of marriage. as above

Daughter marries, divorces, children: that responsibility lies with the ex husband, he has to provide for his children financially. legally he only has to pay child maintenance. There's absolutely no guarantee that an ex husband will continue to provide for his children financially over and above that.

In all this, if a Muslim girl does face all these situation and she was raised properly with an education and can work she can always provide for herself by working. Also if her father, brother anyone is alive they should provide for her too.

Absolutely she can and should provide for herself in order to have independent financial security. But my point is that it's a sexist set up because it relies on the woman to rely on men, otherwise she is disadvantaged in comparison to a male sibling even if they make exactly the same choices (eg not to get married).

I appreciate that everyone has the right to their religious beliefs. But I do think that one is sexist.