Husband converted to Islam

[newbookonshelf]

What would you make of this? Not sure what I'm asking. He's trying to find himself I suppose. We're all looking for meaning in this world. I've thought about religion many times, but just not sure what to make of it right now.

Yes we are both aware of AT but neither of us like him.

I don't agree religions started moral good nor that very society treated women badly before the first major religions. If ou look at primitive cultures in jungles etc around the world many of those cultures had very good rules, some even with women in charge over men - although I accept plenty did not. As the UK moves steadly to atheism (more people here now do not believe in God than do) I think we will do just fine.

On the husband going off and doing that alone does that really illustrate how sexist the religion is? In a Catholic church you would tpically have men and women at a mass at which adult converts would take first communion with everyone welcome whereas this husband seems to have gone off in a place where women cannot be in the same room as men even and has not involved his family.

On the husband going off and doing that alone does that really illustrate how sexist the religion is? In a Catholic church you would tpically have men and women at a mass at which adult converts would take first communion with everyone welcome whereas this husband seems to have gone off in a place where women cannot be in the same room as men even and has not involved his family

going off and becoming a Muslim the way the OP’s husband has done isn’t the ideal and nothing like any conversion/reversion I’ve ever come across where the emphasis would be on family, or as close as you have to family, being around you. It’s cause for celebration and not something that happens in a dark corner. I can only assume the people who witnessed his conversion wanted him to become a Muslim as quickly as possible for his own sake. They thought they were doing the best thing for him. But no, never have I come across it being done the way this was done - going home and saying I’m a Muslim now. In fact I would say he was probably asked why family weren’t with him even though it was only him converting.

He's chosen a religion that nearly 2 billion people across the world identify themselves as.

And like the majority of us everyday Muslims we just want to live in harmony- of course there will be certain guidelines and rulings. But if you truly care for him - you'll respect his decision, discuss his reasons why. And if he has good support network of Muslims around him you will also be able to tap into support groups.

We aren't hideous monsters. Honest.

@MrsThimbles and @SunsetOnTheHorizon have just given me interesting and slightly opposing views. Thank you for the instant perspective.

He said the two people asked 'do you have any more questions?' and said 'you can take the S tonight or you can wait, up to you' but he told me he had made up his mind.
I do respect his decision. I am also glad if he has found something to guide him.
But the fact is it can guide you somewhere undesirable, that's evident given nations with majority Muslim do some hideous things, but like I have said here that's completely contrary behaviour to every single Muslim I have known and still know.

I had questions, some involving speculation, some involving stating my resistance to ever joining an organised religion, and I wish these could have been before instead of after, but as he said, he would have perceived that as dissuasion.

Many people have said to communicate, and we did but I'm leaving it for a bit now as I came off a bit aggressive which wasn't my intention but I was worried because it was done kind of in secret.

If he didn’t personally know the guy he could have been wrong. My friend is half Persian and half french. Her parents are not Muslim now. Her DF is strict and has expectations of his children, but that’s normal for most immigrants.

OP since you are interested in reading, focus on the timeline. Did the verse get created in Medina or in Mecca.
The two periods are very different. The current Islam we see in Afghanistan,Syria and Yemen is from the Mecca time period. The soft verses people have been quoting here are from the earlier period. In 13 years Muhammad was able to convert less than a 100 people. He then took to the sword and conversions happened very quickly. Obviously to truthfully follow Islam you have to follow the later period.
The concept of al taqiyah is very important Muslims areallowed to hideor disguise their beliefs, convictions, ideas, feelings, opinions, and/or strategies while spreading and protecting Islam.
You will have to be very careful. Some PP had talked about inheritance for women.
Here is the relevant information

Allah instructs you concerning your children: for the male, what is equal to the share of two females. But if there are [only] daughters, two or more, for them is two thirds of one's estate. And if there is only one, for her is half. And for one's parents, to each one of them is a sixth of his estate if he left children. But if he had no children and the parents [alone] inherit from him, then for his mother is one third. And if he had brothers [or sisters], for his mother is a sixth, after any bequest he [may have] made or debt. Your parents or your children - you know not which of them are nearest to you in benefit. [These shares are] an obligation [imposed] by Allah. Indeed, Allah is ever knowing and wise. (Quran 4:11)

So no women are not treated equally.

Wow that's very interesting.

But when it comes to inheritance this is all about the law of our land, and I don't think Islam comes into it in any practical way?

I will be inheriting from my father, and Islam can't affect that.... can it?

No it cannot affect your inheritance but you do need to see the things your husband is going to be exposed to.

You don't agree that women were treated badly in history? I think you need to do some more reading into history. Yes agree more people are going towards atheism...but definitely don't agree we will be 'just' fine. With climate change , recession, wars, etc if the world leaders actually had a fear of God we wouldn't be in this position as they'd be answerable for their actions. Yes religious wars have happened - majority for political/economical reasons with the face of religion posted on the front. Islamic wars happened during early Islam - after facing many many years of persecution and when there was no stop to the torture by enemies of islam : after 12 years God allowed the Muslims to fight back, but even that had so many rules , no killing of animals, plants, children, women, no striking on face so the enemys family can recognise them to take them away.

And sorry but that's a very poor link you've made of sexism and husband going off and converting 🤦🏻‍♀️. Yes mosques are segregated with the simple reason that when you worship your focus is purely on God, and you're not distracted by the other Gender, not because it's sexist🤦🏻‍♀️. For me Islam is the most feminist religion out. It does have its rules but all with good reasons.

Religion is and should be a personal choice. Your connection with God is personal. When you die you go in your own grave. When judgement day comes, you are answerable for your own good and bad actions and you go to heaven and hell ...by yourself! You cannot account for the actions and beliefs of your family. You can pray for them surely but what they do is upto them.

Mosques are welcome to families too just like churches...but your matter with God is alone.

OP please also remember that if he converts just one other person to Islam i.e. you or your daughter he is guaranteeda place in jannat which is muslim heaven. A very strong motivation to get 72 virgins with muhammad serving him alcohol.

Read Aisha s words on this feminist religion.

Narrated `Aisha:
The things which annul the prayers were mentioned before me. They said, "Prayer is annulled by a dog, a donkey and a woman (if they pass in front of the praying people)." I said, "You have made us (i.e. women) dogs. I saw the Prophet (ﷺ) praying while I used to lie in my bed between him and the Qibla. Whenever I was in need of something, I would slip away. for I disliked to face him."

Sahih al-Bukhari 511
In-book reference : Book 8, Hadith 158
USC-MSA web (English) reference : Vol. 1, Book 9, Hadith 490

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Oh god. Sorry but this all sounds so pie in the sky and is turning me further away from religion which is not good given my husband is now religious.

Sorry OP but as you can see I am quoting from the original texts that all Muslims rely on not from a random book written by someone.

Thanks. I appreciate it, I'm just not interested and I just want to be a good person and I don't need religion. He asked me 'but where does morality come from if not religion?' which is a familiar trope.

But what does it matter? I have it, so why does it matter where it came from?

Conversion to a religion is a personal matter. It's your personal connection with God. It only makes sense to do this alone? Why would your family do this with you if they don't feel they have that same connection. And if you feel You've built that connection with God through this religion, but family aren't on board..wouldn't that be your family holding you back from something you truly believe in? By all means celebrate with your family and friends afterwards. By what you're describing when families come together for a conversion it's looks like a bit of a ...show...of welcoming one to a community rather than the actual belief in it practically.

Ah OP this objective and subjective morality discussion is a standard conversion tool.

I know, and it annoys me.

OP focus on talking with your husband and don't rely on the Internet and posters to direct your relationships.

There are millions of people around the world who follow religion and are not all monsters.

Sometimes you come to the Internet for answers and get fear and other people's hidden agenda.

Everything can be fine if spoken to together and find answers together.

I would just like to point out that no, not all Muslims rely on certain books, such as Sahih Bukhari and Sahih Muslim, because they contain Hadiths that go firmly against the principles of Islam and cannot be justified in any way.

I would just like to point out that no, not all Muslims rely on certain books, such as Sahih Bukhari and Sahih Muslim, because they contain Hadiths that go firmly against the principles of Islam and cannot be justified in any way.

Are you talking about Quranists. Without the Hadiths you cannot even pray so every Muslim has to delve into Hadiths

@steakart no not Quranists. Some Muslims believe that these Hadith are unquestionable, however, I and millions of others believe there are no books that are 100% authentic and each Hadith needs to be checked against the Qur’an and the principles of Islam.

There are millions of people around the world who follow religion and are not all monsters.

I don't think OP is worried he'll turn into a monster, she's unsettled by the fact he has converted (or as the religion says reverted) suddenly to a religion. Could be any really.

And is already asking her to ask questions of her own beliefs (e.g. where does morality come from if not god) which indicates what we know which is people who convert to a religion seem more to more commonly zealously push that religion than people who were born into it

I don't think it's a Muslim thing, I think it's a religion thing.

I would be really unsettled and worried about it too.

Thanks, @monsteramunch yes that's it, partly.

I can't actually say how I would feel if it were another religion as I just can't know that. I think it's great if people have a religion but I just never expected to be with someone who did, I say that but my ex was Muslim, he was from Turkey originally but was a Manc and his religion had zero impact on his life as far as I could tell. I hope it's the same here, but when he said PBUH I just find it... honestly weird.

I just feel like I shouldn't have any feeling on it but I do, and can I help that?

It's all new. I'm a very honest person and have been with him and have told him that in all honesty I have no inherent respect for any religion, but do for people's right to practise their own - which doesn't Islam kind of go against? Like is the aim of Islam not to get everyone to be Muslim? I am strongly opposed to that see because I value freedom of choice above all else (that could open a can of worms) but you get what I mean? We shouldn't force worship on anyone and I wouldn't want to.

Also I just don't know how I feel about being with a religious person, would I have settled down with a Muslim or devout Christian for example? Probably not!

OP, I know you say your husband dislikes Andrew Tate but, to be honest, he would hardly admit to you if he was secretly impressed, would he? The suddenness and timing of this is too coincidental. There are may AT followers turning to Islam now - and they are doing it for the worst reasons. It is done in a secretive way and often appears as a shock to families. Of course they won't tell those closest to them the real reasons behind these astonishing 'conversions.' But the 'ideology' is insidious and it will creep into your lives over time.

As a Muslim friend of mine just explained to me the other day, her daughters will have to marry Muslims and will have arranged marriages because the man is the head of the household and his faith automatically covers everyone in it. So, as a family, they can't take risks with this. However, her son can marry anyone including a non-Muslim because it is assumed his faith will define his wife, whether she realises it or not (and obviously any children). Everyone at your DH's mosque will assume he is running a Muslim household because this is fundamental to bring a practising Muslim man. It's his duty and, without that, he is not following the faith at all. Family is the whole point!

Please don't me fooled by him telling you "it's purely personal" - as if he's just going to be meditating five times a day and that's it. It really, really doesn't work like that. My own husband is Iranian (though non-Muslim) but this 'head of the household' notion runs deep and it will manifest itself sooner or later, believe me.

Religion sucks but I can see why, with the global outlook as it is, and has been for seemingly ever, people feel the need to latch onto something.